I would like to dedicate a square nomination for the oft-mentioned but rarely cunted ‘comediennes’ – many of us despise them but because we are such bitter, militant sexists, we have never addressed the inequality of giving them adequate representation within these hallowed halls. Being a prime example of a subserviant gentleman and fair-minded champion of women’s rights, allow me to take the lead on this one, chaps.

Miranda Hart, Sarah Millican, that cunt from Goodness Gracious Me, Jo Brand, Amy Schumer, Victoria Coren, Julia Louis Dreyfus, any of the shitcunts from Saturday Night Live, that ginger-haired cunt who drags out her Northern accent, that obese Australian landwhale, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Josie Long, Bernard Toksvig, Jenny Eclair, Catherine Tate and any of those fucking cunts from that whole Peep Show/Thick Of It incestuous Oxbridge TV clique… not one single fucking laugh has ever been brought out in me by any of them.

I can truly count the number of women in comedy or stand up who have made me laugh on a pair of testicles: Felicity Montagu from Alan Partridge and Pauline McLynn from Father Ted. Both had/have actual comedic timing, delivery, nuances.

The rest are just – especially these days – ultra-feminist useless cunts whose source material is 99% about their own vaginas, periods, victimhood and problems having sex with their cavernous klunges.

Absolutely fucking useless cunts. Marzipan dildos, the lot of them.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

A nomination for Britbox if you please. Britbox is a new subscription streaming service created by the ever-desperate BBC, in conjunction with ITV. Note the word “subscription”; so we have to pay to watch programmes that we as licence-payers have already funded in the past, effectively making us stakeholders….

The main reason for this cunting though is that these woke wankers have stated that many of the classic comedy shows will be shown in a censored format to “avoid offending modern audiences”, including ‘Fawlty Towers’, ‘Porridge’ and ‘Only Fools And Horses’. Now there was some ribald humour in all of these, but can any of you cunts think of a single moment in any that’s “offensive”?? Jesus wept. Obviously ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum’, ‘Love Thy Neighbour’ and ‘Till Death Do Us Part’ have been explicitly banned already.

Selective editing of history; as I recall the Nazis were pretty big on that…..

Nominated by Cuntan the Cuntarian

A toys out of the pram crappy excuses cunting for this Albanian, I mean Swiss ‘footballer’ who happens to be the captain of Arsenal football club.

This useless twat, so typical of Millennials, reacted like a big fucking baby when subjected to some jeering from the crowd. Like players in the past (and present) have never had to put up with this?

Long story short (ish), he was substituted during a game in which his team had just lost a two goal lead (at home) to Crystal Palace. Some (not all obviously) Arsenal fans are not particularly happy to see this guy playing every week, especially as captain, and ironically cheered (which was a bit out of order but it happens in football) when his name was called out for the substitution.

Arsenal needed a goal so he should’ve ignored these idiots and run off the pitch as quickly as he could to make the most of the time left. You know, for his team? But what did he do?

He started walking as slowly as he could and threw the captain’s armband o the floor. Then, the boos started (I would’ve booed the cunt too at this point). He then cups his hand to his ear, sarcastically encourages the crowd to boo him louder (WWF wrestling style) and repeatedly shouts “Fuck off!” to the crowd. He took his shirt off and according to some (the cameras didn’t pick this bit up – or the footage hasn’t been released) he threw his shirt on the ground in the tunnel.

Remember, this bellend is the captain.

Sure, he is human and just reacted. But if you play football and can’t take a bit of crap from the crowd now and again, then don’t bother turning up.

His coach/manager (who was an idiot for letting the players vote on their choice of captain by the way…that’s why this big baby is captain in the first place) has said that the player should apologise. He has been receiving ‘counselling’ due to the fans’ booing, which I’m sure, won’t encourage fans of rival teams to rip him to pieces from now on.

Almost a week later he has finally released a statement that blames his reaction to the abuse he and his family have had on social media. He has not apologised (he just said he’s sorry if people ‘thought’ he was being disrespectful).

His wife and kid have been threatened online by complete morons (probably mentals), which of course, is a disgrace. If an idiot has been saying he’ll come and rape his wife and kidnap his baby, then that idiot should be arrested or sent to the nuthouse.

However, if you put yourself on social media as a famous person, then you have to expect that out of your 1 million or so followers, a few of them will be mentals.

So I call bullshit on his excuse. He reacted because his precious ego was hurt and he couldn’t handle it, like a captain should.

If he had a brain (which he doesn’t, it seems) he’d get off social media and look at his own crappy performances and try and win the fans over by playing better, instead of reacting like a big fucking baby.

I would love to have seen how Brian Clough dealt with this cunt. The big baby wouldn’t have lasted the first training session before needing a safe space and some counselling.

Nominated by One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Cunt

Then again by Bertram Cuntatious DCO

An enormous overpaid cunting to Granit Xhaka. I’ve never heard of this cunt either. I spotted a headline of the BBC sports page and this snowflake fucker is to be offered counselling by Arsenal FC. Apparently he was booed off the pitch by home ‘fans’ and this has affected the poor little baby’s sensibilities. I looked him up, he’s a 27 year old Swiss and Arsenal pay him, wait for it….£5.2m per year. Fuck off you spoilt brat, I cannot even conceive ‘earning’ that amount so stop blubbering and get on with it, if not just fuck off back to the fucking Alps you bell-end. I can’t imagine Norman Hunter ever weeping into his cornflakes.

I would like a well deserved cunting for all these penny pinching cunts who think its a good idea to go abroad without travel insurance and then surprise fucking surprise when they end up in hospital, they cant fucking pay, and the usually some fucktard tell a story about what a great person they are and why we should all donate to a Go Fund Me account and help these fucking morons with their costs.
If you go anywhere abroad without insurance you need your head read, case in point some girl from north Wales has been involved in a car accident in Vietfucknamnam, you know the place known for its super safe roads and traffic, exactly the kind of place you make sure you have insurance in place before you end up in hospital there, I bet once the little people realise she cant pay, they will stop feeding her or sell her to a brothel or worse.
I have no sympathy for cunts who are so tight they would scrimp on something like fucking travel insurance, how fucking stupid can you get,and I would never give a penny to a go-fund me site for that, infact go-fund me aslso deserve a good cuntingt.

JO SWINSON:  Emergency cunting please for this stinking amateur Fascist turd, who it seems, in addition to loathing democracy is also one of those fuckers who approve of cruelty to animals.  https://medium.com/@mirandajoyce995/swinson-condemned-for-cruelty-to-squirrels-242aca857843  Pick on someone your own size you fucking bitch.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs