Corona cuts
The media seems to be alive with reports of “guerrilla hairdressers”. They come under cover darkness by appointment, do your hair and sneak out under the cover of darkness.
Living next to a nature reserve I get to see a lot of illicit meetings, the druggies going over to score or use, the alkies going for a quick drink and young girls going to meet men friends.
Obviously this drew my attention ( as a concerned citizen). I noticed that they travel in twos and do each others hair, sometimes with interesting results.
Today I was subjected to my first corona cut, how long has it been 3 months?
Well I have a beard trimmer, don’t use it much and somehow in the last move it became separated from its charging cable, at this point I imagine that you are rightly thinking “Cunt you brought it on yourself” but no I bought a new one from Amazon, so charging it up over night I let Mrs B loose.
Fucking big mistake I will tell you, I am not sure what happened but she is not very hands on; more “Tony and guy” with the clippers and they fucking ran out of charge! leaving me looking like an extra from “Braveheart” I was not impressed, not only did I have half a hair cut but after 3 months of lock down I had an appointment at the vets to have the dog’s anal glands squeezed (my life is great isn’t it)
So I had half a hair cut and had to go out!
Was not a happy bunny, The Amazon charger did not work and I ended up taking the house apart trying to find the original charger, which eventually I did in a box of defunct phones and phone chargers.
I have had a truly cunty day, and I had to open the door to a delivery man who kept a straight face.

Nominated by lord benny

Surely this weapons grade treble cunt must have been on here before? Anyway, if it is even possible the gobshite fuckmonkey is even more of a cunt than I thought he was, after pissing off all the slack jawed yokels in Cornwall, this cockwomble is back and is now using the government Covid scheme loopholes to lay off 500 staff so they can then reapply for their jobs on a lower wage. What a piece of dog shit this cunt really is. I dont know why this surprises. I suppose I didn’t think he could get any lower than whale shit but this stroppy cunt has managed it and deserves to have his nuts flambayed by his ex staff as if they haven’t endured enough of this cunt’s bullshit…..Ramsey you are a cunt…

Nominated by Fuglyucker

Well fuck me sideways, so it does, maybe they are competing for the BBC audience?

Life insurance

I´ve just discovered the American Discovery channel´s true crime series and what an eye-opener it has been. After watching three of them straight through I was scared to go into the kitchen in case my wife, daughter, neighbor, former girlfriend, bank manager or anyone I´ve ever been in contact with shot, axed, stabbed or beat me to death with a baseball bat. Virtually all the episodes are about murders the police have had real problems in solving and in most cases the murderer was the last person you expected, often a spouse or close relative. Happy families – you must be kidding!

After a week riveted to the screen I told my wife very loudly that I did not have a life insurance policy and asked her if she had taken any out on me. She looked a bit evasive and said “No”. I´m not sure I believe her because she has also started watching the series, generally on her own, and the reason behind many of these murders has been that the wife can get her greedy little fingers on a huge life insurance policy on her husband.

This is a public alert. Don´t say you haven´t been warned ISACers.

Nominated by Mr Polly

MPs and their hatred for their own social distancing rules.

After being ordered back to Parliament, MPs had to face the kind of tedious and blinkered realities us mere plebs have had to endure for nigh-on 3 months, and they don’t like it one fucking bit!

The idea of queuing and keeping a 2m distance really didn’t go down too well with these pampered two-faced, do-as-we-say cunts. They even moaned and whinged to the Leader of the House, old 4-eyes Moggy himself!

And of course when all this is over and done with, and millions are unemployed or dead; or will be facing a very bleak future when VAT and income tax rocket to pay for it all, these guilded cunts will be safe and sound back in the House of Cuntminster, pontificating and shouting “hear hear” while struggling to stay awake.

Proof positive, as if we didn’t already know, that they live in the world of unicorns, 2nd homes, fiddled expenses, cushy gold-plated pensions and future directorships; while the rest of live in the shit they build for us through their lack of joined up thinking, and being far too busy sucking up to big business and the odd brown envelope to care about us – until election time of course!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2020/06/02/mps-got-taste-life-planet-queue-least-could-go-tea-room-afterwards/

Nominated by Technocunt