Having just been attacked by a paddling pool in the garden and observed a neighbours trampoline make an airborne escape to (I presume) surrey.
I will call on this weather related on topic cunting, I myself will retire to the wood-burner with another glass of Cabbies and see how things unfold with the help of the APU (Generator to plebs)
Carry on cunting chaps.
Nominated by Admin.
The river had burst it’s banks near me this morning. I was starting to worry a bit as I was driving through it that it was going to swamp the Hilux… luckily I managed to get a decent bow-wave going in front of that kept the water off the engine . The bow-wave also had the benefit of sending an Olympic sized swimming-pool amount of water into the front garden of some incomers who were already out putting sandbags along the bottom of their door.
Didn’t risk the Hilux at Pub. time…took the tractor…..that certainly sent the waves splashing.
17
Good to see you showing the best of Northumbrian neighbourliness Fiddler. Do you get asked to do much towing of stranded cars or does it depend on if you feel like being cuntish?
7
I’ve towed one or two out in the past,LL…don’t really mind unless they’re one of those Cunts with a 4 wheel drive who don’t know how to drive them. Some over-estimate the vehicles capabilities and don’t know when to stop and others just don’t know how to drive them.
9
Neighbors? Admin you surely jest, you live in Surrey, in the UK, neighbours has a u in it
No hence trampoline fucking off into surrey and an odd spell checker, use the old stuff on the APU, Windows 4 I think.
6
One of our wheelie bins moved slightly and a couple of plastic chairs fell over.
Disappointing, I thought this may be breaking news, It was rather a large plastic object that assaulted me. Any way its on to the Lodgers mushroom wine next, it keeps the chill away he says.
8
I do worry about Day Admin sometimes.
Day off, stormed in, Mrs on strike, what else to do?
4
Me too, I’m one of the plebs who doesn’t know what an APU is, yet it appears he’s having a glass of mudslime’s jizz rather than the Crabbies I’d plump for.
3
Are you sure that paddling pool was real Admin? Psilocybin mushroom wine can do funny things to your head you know.
4
I could’ve sworn I heard several bins and other outside items being blown over last night.
1
Certainly a blustery day, bit of thunder n lightning, tiny bit of snow tinged rain,
And saying snow to come!
Love a bit of snow me, an the dogs cuckoo for it!
Keeps the germs away a bit of snow, had a mild winter upto now.
Streets are nice an quiet no one about, no traffic, the odd flying paddling pool,
Like stormy weather what makes Britain great!
Theyd snatch yer hand off for weather like this in Australia!
🇬🇧
9
There’s downpours now across eastern Oz right where the bushfires were. The koalas that were singed were recovering nicely but now are drowning under all the water. It’s very confusing
1
C’noath it’s confusing.
2
Flooding, road closures, tumbled trees, and muppets in their 4x4s thinking they they can drive through flood water despite big signs saying ROAD CLOSED DUE TO FLOODING YOU STUPID FUCKWITS! And then ending up stuck in the deep end looking like the twats they really are!
Thats the ticket, a bit of doom and disaster, you know it makes headlines, pretty fire
6
I hide those “Road Closed” signs and then park up waiting to charge the Cunts for towing them out.
LOL
16
Very enterprising!
Corrupt, devious, bordering on the malfeasant. But enterprising all the same
4
Put stingers in the water and you could sell them new tyres as well, at an obscene profit margin.
7
Oh I could never do that,Moggie…I am,above all,a Gentleman.
6
You didn’t come over as that, the day I parked my caravan overnight on your farm!
Drew me in with your cheap “only £5 per night for a pitch”
I wasn’t to know you’d park me on a fuckin’ flood plain and then charge £120 to tow me out the next day.
😂
7
Evening Bertie.
You’d have bobbing off down the river if you’d parked a caravan on my land….I can just see your face peering out of your tin-tent as you floated merrily into the shipping lanes off Tynemouth.
LOL
7
Evening Dick. The demand for rice will now increase with all the difficulties in China.
Have you not considered turning your land over to this crop? We’ve got hundreds of fuckin’ Chinese cockle pickers in this area that we could send over to you for cheap labour.
NB with a warning that this could initiate a strain of Northumbrian Coronavirus.
5
We’ll never get Coronavirus in rural Northumberland. We’re too xenophobic to allow any foreign virus to settle here.
11
Where’s a good stout British disease when you need it
4
Plant pots scattered… Honeysuckle & trellis ripped from wall… Bins now at a new address … Furniture covers now in a new county..
On the plus side – God has kindly pressure washed my roof & gutters 🙂
5
I had the keys to my new house the other day, and it’s a race against time to get some of the work done before I can move in. The ex beloved is already annoyed that I need a couple of days over the 28 I have to leave the marital home, but as it is basically a shell, it’s not fucking easy. So, I could have done without having to stop my fence panels from going through my new neighbours conservatory. Cunting weather.
5
My sympathies, I just walked out of the last one, slept in my car that night, next day it was an abandoned caravan on a farm, within 3 months I had solar lighting and learnt to shit at work.
Took about 6 months to get back in to civilization.
Its all good fun.
7
Cheers mate, all part of the adventure. Looking forward to the freedom it’s giving me, even though it’s going to be weeks before I have luxuries such as a kitchen, a bed, furniture and carpets. Indoor camping beckons!
3
watch out for the direct debits on the joint account that she signs out of, that one got me.
5
Thankfully, that was settled a while ago, just the divvying up the crockery left. What fun…
3
APU? Out of the back of a jumbo?
You are thinking 110v, mine is 230v 8kva.
3
very nice – should see you right through the next apocalypse. Think about future fuel as the Govt are knocking hydrocarbons on the head.
1
No Apu is out of the Simpson’s.
Auxiliary Power Unit
8
It’s called Ciara, they all have names these days, cant just say Storm, the weather has to be personalised.
Ciara is a cunt!
7
They should call it storm diversity as there is no prejudice when a storm hits .
5
Were not to bad here as we live high up but the lower roads have flooded , although next door neighbours fence has blown down and knocked all our 200 wheelie bins down. My advice , don’t buy cheap fucking fencing now get your arse outside and pick my fucking bins up you stingy cunt. Got dogs to take out later in all this just as well iv’e got my old army arctic coat to put on it’s warm as fuck.
5
Must admit that I was wondering what kind of person would have a paddling pool in their garden in February.
4
It’s all to to do with climate change.
For full details please write to:
Saint Greta of Icebergs,
Care of some clinging right-on celebs trying to show they care for the planet,
Hollywood,
Some other Planet
4
……….https://images.app.goo.gl/1q6W3VGoFoRt8dV38
4
She really has become a poster girl. For all the wrong reasons and causes.
3
I agree, Moggie.
I saw this…
https://images.app.goo.gl/fTT81gQk57oviDh1A
1
Barrymore and his pet gay penguins ?
2
Tom Daley’s husband looking to tempt a new,younger partner?
1
Nothing wrong with a bit of bad weather……..keeps the human filth off the streets and the dinghies out of the Channel. Architects, goatshaggers and their ilk can’t hack it. If it wasn’t for a stiff breeze in 1588 we’d all be speaking Spanish now. Amigos.
12
Yeah blacks don’t like rain it fucks there hair up 😄 , any luck there will be a few empty dingy’s floating in the channel tomorrow.
7
The weather is so bad here, Mrs. B cannot stop looking through the window.
If it gets any worse I’ll have to let her in.
26
Mines in the shed , well she did put dancing on ice on .
10
The shit’s really going to hit the fan tomorrow, storm of the fucking century apparently.
4
Trampolines were mentioned on Radio4 News this morning. Apparently they’re liable to end up on railway lines.
4
It makes a change from leaves and….. trains.
I should just copy and paste this stuff and make a fortune in stand up comedy
5
There was an announcement at Kings Cross, ‘no trains today, trampolines available on request’
I’ll get mi coat.
4
Did anyone have Dame Keir Starmer’s mother-in-law in the Dead Pool?
4
Apparently she died following an accident a fortnight ago, the details of which were not disclosed. Most bizarre?
1
A bit rainy here and the Tweed is higher than normal. Slightly windy as well but the local trees are made of sterner stuff – they don’t take any shit – they’re hard woods.
10
Met office storm cunt.
3
Ciara is all the fault of Brexit. We can no longer demand that the cunt falls within the EU’s statutory requirements on health and safety, or climate regulation. The must be laughing themselves shitless at our expense in Brussels tonight.
3
We’ve definitely had a lot of weather today. My cat took one look out the back door and came straight back in, so that proves it. There may well be a lot more weather tomorrow, but whether it’s the same sort of weather, we’ll just have to wait and see. Did anyone catch Women’s Hour on the radio? I missed it, what were they discussing?
2
Yeast infections, sweaty tits, and would you date a man shorter than you.
6
A gang of illegal immigrants has been caught trying to FLEE the UK – fearing mistreatment in Britain after Brexit.
Shocked border guards in France found the 33 stowaways on a lorry in Calais that had just
arrived from Dover.
An immigration charity worker said: “This is very rare.”
The runaways told officials they wanted to get out of the UK because they were worried about their rights now that Britain has left the EU.
Perhaps the first of many.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7982365/Gang-33-illegal-immigrants-caught-lorry-Calais-trying-FLEE-UK.html
6
Weirdly they’re now back in the UK. How the fuck that came about when they’ve no right to be here I don’t understand.
6
I thought that was a piss take Willie, until I went on the link!
1
Great nom! I’m not quite sure Mother Nature knows what the fuck she’s doing (like most cunts on the planet these days). I’d like to give her a swift kick to the lady-bollocks, though, as I was planning to go into the east end of Glasgow to attend the Celtic vs Hearts game at Parkhead (and, no, I am not a Fenian or a Taig) and then into the city centre for a few jars of the naughty stuff afterwards, but apparently much of the same weather (as today) is forecast for the remainder of the week. I’m not fuckin’ amused!
2
First football i ever went to was in Glasgow to watch Rangers .
2
Cool stuff, TAII. Can you recall which game it was! Did you mean it was the first Scottish game you attended? Or are you a Scotsman who now lives down south? Either way, it’s all good.
1
The weather is wondrous and majestic. If only it could have been this inclement whilst Greta CuntFuckShitHead was making her Atlantic voyage.
6
Flew from Inverness down to Bristol this afternoon. After a bumpy landing, all the cunt passengers on the plane began to clap the pilot. Snowflake cunts – it’s a bit of wind – try flying into Basra or Kabul on an old Tristar…
5
Years ago I was on an internal flight in the States when the weather started to get a bit tasty.
As it turned out, I was sat next to an elderly Aussie, who looked as gnarled and tough as a lump of teak. I must have looked a bit greenish, so he started to distract my attention by telling me some of his experiences as a Lanc tail-gunner in the RAF during WWII. Christ on a bike, I think I’d have pebble-dashed my kecks many a time if I’d been in his place.
Clearly the flight we were on was a cakewalk by comparison. Respect!
8
Tail end Charlie. Freezing cold and practically guaranteed to be the first casualty if your bomber is attacked. Imagine doing that night after night, doesn’t bear thinking about. Some cunt recently threw paint over the bomber command memorial in London, hope they get more than a slap.
9
Too right Gutstick. I never realised that the rear gun turrets were effectively open to the air until I saw one close up in the RAF museum. They were hard as hell those gunners.
9
I remember being in Mexico when a whirlwind hit – so I jumped in the hotel pool – I was gonna get wet anyway
3
What a panto.
The legs fell off my garden table.
Oh Greta! Why didn’t I listen!
3
there’ll always be weather wether we like it or not
1
Oh look, my dustbins have blown over… Time to call Greta Thunberg –Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm…
Only she can save us now…
2
What about Saint David of Attenborough?
“As my jet comes to land for the fifty eighth time this Month the climate devastation caused by air travel is obvious – now where’s my f*cking cheque? Oooh, Pwince ginger, what are you doing here”?
“Hmm, yah, simper – I’m just picking up my cheque as well, I said hello to some chappie in the hotel, got to be worth a hundred grand that what? Meghan! Put the little dark key down, I don’t care if he does match your outfit, you already have quite enough”!
2