The gift that keeps on giving.
I’m sure you’ll all be delighted to hear that Danielle has split up with her jailbird fiance, or should that be spelled financer?
But before you all rush forward, thinking your in with a chance, she’s got a new, rich boyfriend.
Whose presumably almost totally blind, 87, with a heart condition.
Good grief, even Frankenstien would call your surgeon a butcher, sweetheart.
Nominated by : Jeezum Priest
Wild fires are great aren’t they?
Dead easy to do, spectacular results and keep you warm.
Cheap lighter and a rag,
Your away.????
Now, the woke media are blaming climate change!!
But the fires in Rhodes were started by arson.
Gas bottles.
Now Corfu is on fire
Saying Crete might go up too?
Serbia has a fire
Tunisia has one
It’s like a new fashion?
But it isn’t climate change.
It’s arson.
It’s man made climate change insofar as some dozy cunts BBQ was left to get out of control.
Anyway fuck em.
No fires here.
Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt
The Mayor,
Town Hall,
Tunbridge Wells,
Kent.
Dear Mr Mayor,
I have just received a £70 penalty notice for driving in Mount Pleasant Road. This was entirely due to the confusing signs which would appear to be a deliberate and outrageous policy of the Council to catch out and fine motorists.
As Chairman of the Royal Tunbridge Wells Golf Club, Chairman of the Tunbridge Wells Conservative Association, a Senior Rotarian and Justice of the Peace, will you please confirm that this fine will be dropped and we’ll say nothing more about it?
Yours sincerely,
Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells
PS See you at the next Lodge meeting?
Nominated by : Geordie Twatt
The future is going to be a cunt. Not for me hopefully. I think the shit will really hit the fan in about 30 odd years or so. Hopefully I’ll be brown bread by then from old age, going peacefully in my sleep while being sucked off by a busty maiden.
But I digress. I had an epiphany of sorts about life for Citizen 38544kbf in 2057. No link of course, it’s all in my tiny little mind.
“My name is Citizen 38544kbf. This morning, I looked out of my solar panelled window from my 3 square metre living pod, to see if I could see any flying Tesla taxis. I needed to get to my place of work, the Ministry for Diversity and Inclusion, where I work as an enforcement officer.
I pointed the chip in my hand at the taxi, but I got the dreaded red flashing light. I was out of credits.
I’d forgotten that I called a she a he in the bank. I said that the moustache tricked me, but this comment was then reviewed by the chief compliance officer who revoked my week’s credit and turned off all my cyberweb access for three days too.
I then walked down the 165 floors to the ground floor. My faus pas had also prevented me from using the lift too. Exhausted, I moved out onto the street to walk to work. I got there after an hour and was summoned to attend my flagellation course. The poor moustachioed lady was there and I had to beg for her forgiveness while flogging myself with a bicycle chain.
In the end, the lady offered to couple with me. In view of the harsh penalties in dehumanising a transgender by refusing relations with them based purely on prejudicial transphobia, I felt I had no alternative but to do as she demanded. I have to admit, I was put off by the smell and taste of faeces from the lady hole, not to mention the beard, moustache and baritone WWE wrestler voice.
Still, it gave me 50 extra social credit points. I could now get the air taxi home and put the internet and television on for a few hours. Double plus good!
I’m hoping to get enough good boy points to be able to see my family who live outside my 15 minute zone. I also obtained more credits by taking in some African settlers. These are our betters and our cruel treatment of them in years past is something I am determined to put right. My campaign to get more white folk out of my complex so we could get more diverse types in might get me enough credits to buy a steak. I haven’t had one for 30 years, since before the building back better initiative started. I can’t even remember the taste, but my local MP says they taste great. She should know, she has one every day I believe.
Sadly, it takes time to settle into a new culture and Mtembe raped my neighbour’s daughter and burned the building complex down.
Obviously my fault for not making him feel welcome enough, so I fully accepted the loss of a few credits.
My next plan is to demand energy prices become completely unaffordable for most folk to save the planet.
Got to go, now it’s my alloted time to watch the BBC!”
Nominated by : Cuntybollocks
Saw this cunt and thought what a weapons grade thieving piece of council estate shit this cunt is, this mother fucker is a prolific thief who after being chased by the rossers ended up being bitten by the police dog [ good dog, hopefully he looks like a fucking werewolf and is called Satan] shame it didnt eat the cunt, probably choosy what it puts in its mouth.
Anyway back to this cunt Sonnie Stow[the cunt], this piece of monkey shit is now going to sue the police for being bitten by the dog, after trying to escape WTF has happened to this country, where fuckers like this are tolerated.
No doubt there will be some vulture of a solicitor defending this cunt, hope he gets laughed out of court so fast he dosnt have time to scratch his worthless balls.
Also feed to solicitor to Satan the police dog while your about it, the world no longer needs these vultures keeping these cunts out on our streets, Uncle Terrys place is whats required……gas mark 6.
Nominated by : Fuglyucker
