There’s this cunt (this time white and English) who has started on the dialysis unit.
And the thing with this old cunt (he’s not actually that old, he just looks it) is he’s a motor mouth pain in the arse who’ll do anything for attention. For a start, he literally ‘squeals’ when the needles go into his arm. Straight up, he screams like a girl and he isn’t ashamed of it. No man should scream when injected with a needle. Of course, he does this to get attention and sympathy.

Then the fucker natters on ‘outgoing’ crap to any staff member who will listen. Not any sort of rapport (and even a grumpy cunt like me has formed a couple of friendships with staff), it’s just endless ‘Aren’t I a chirpy cheeky chappie?’ bullshit. He will say any old crap to get noticed, and -needless to say – a lot of them see him as a ‘character’. When in actual fact he’s a bore and a pain in the arse. Four hours next to him is like having teeth pulled, by the Gestapo.

Then, he also has this extremely annoying habit of ‘yawning’ consecutively. It’s put on, of course. The fucker makes a short yawning sound three or four times. It sounds like the ‘Ah-Ha-Ha-Ha’ part of the Bee Gees’ ‘Stayin Alive’ on slow speed. This twat does this every other minute and he does it very loudly. If I wasn’t wired up to a machine today, I’d have been tempted to deck him. Of course, he also does this to get noticed.

Another thing I heard him say today to a nurse was ‘I do like attention.’
Yeah, I’ve fucking noticed.

I’ll tell you what, I bet Beethoven was glad when he went deaf.

Nominated by Noman

In the dead of darkest night, the door of a crypt in Islington has creaked open, and out has staggered the decaying political corpse of Jeremy Corbyn. I think it’s fair to say that he’s not a happy zombie.

IsAC readers will be aware that The Jezza is currently suspended from Labour Party membership, and meantime sits as an independent in the House of Commons.

Now Labour leader Sir Weird Charmer has stated that Jezza will not be allowed to stand as an official Labour candidate at the next election, a decision that has left the People’s Champion with a popping vein in his forehead.

‘I’ve championed the rights of the proletariat and champagne socialists in Islington North for nigh on a hundred years’ raged the Mickey Mouse Marxist yesterday, or possibly the day before. ‘I won’t be elbowed aside by our vain and inglorious so-called leader. It’s for the party apparatchiks of the People’s Republic of Islington to decide on their candidate, not some cunt who can’t even get off the fence on the issue of whether or not a woman can have a cock’.

Acolytes of the two time election losing former leader were quick to leap to his defence. Jezza’s erstwhile squeeze Diane Abbott claimed that Charmer was a former friend who now wanted to get him kicked out of the party. ‘He’s a former friend who now wants to get him kicked out of the party’, fumed Abbott yesterday, or possibly the day before. ‘I’m so mad that this morning, I put my shoes on the wrong feet, and my drawers on back to front’ she fizzed, before adding ruefully ‘mind you, that’s not an unusual occurrence on my part innit’.

Clearly Jezza isn’t going to take this lying down and will likely challenge Charmer’s decision, leading to chaos while we all look on gleefully. So let the rumble in the Islington jungle commence. It’s Weird ‘Brylcreem Boy’ Charmer v Jeremy ‘Stings Like a Bee’ Corbyn.

Seconds out, round one *clang*

Express News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Devout born again Christian mum sues school.

This is a recent story about a woman by the name of Mrs. Izzy Montague 38, who has launched a legal action against Heavers Farm Primary School, in Croydon, after they forced her four year old son to take part in a LGBT parade, against her wishes, and her protests, telling her that her son could not opt out of the Pride Event.

So in the first case of it’s kind, she is suing the school on the grounds of direct and indirect discrimination, under the grounds of victimisation & breach of statutory duty under the Education Act 1996, and the Human Rights Act 1998.

Central London will scrutinise the legality of imposing this ideology on schools, after the mum says she wants children to receive an education, rather than an indoctrination. I do hope she wins her case!

Mirror News Link

Nominated by Lord Scunthorpe

Ellie Goulding is a fucking cunt.

Who told this old Tom that she could sing?

Fuck me pink, her Love Me Like You Do song (Link below – Day Admin) came on the car radio when driving home from work tonight. I listened to her effort carefully; she doesn’t actually sing, but she talks her way through the song in a faux-breathy style.

Utter shite. I actually prefer William Shatner’s style, which was very similar on his Transformed Man album of 1968. At least his rendition of Lucy In The Sky With Diamond had the capacity to amuse. Unlike the facile shit ladled out by that tart Goulding.

I have more talent trapped under my foreskin.

Fuck off.

You Tube Link

Nominated by: Paul Maskinback

https://news.sky.com/story/young-people-increasingly-isolated-due-to-cost-of-living-crisis-12795196

Hankies ready, this is a real tearjerker.
18-24 year olds affected by the cost of living crisis.

Excuse me, are they the only sector affected?
No, so why select a bunch of children/youngsters to give a voice too.

Oh dear, Wah! Wah! You’ve had to move back home, into the heated house, comfy bed, home cooked food, hot baths, washing/ironing done, no bills, and no rent ( because it wont occur to you to offer)

I despair!

Nominated by Jeezum Priest. The link brought tears to my face; of Laughter NA.