Pippa Middleton’s a cunt. I am not remotely interested in her life as a socialite or her tips for gracious living.
In fact, with a grandfather who worked down the pit, an uncle called Gary and a mother who made a living selling duty free Woodbines she’s not even posh at all. Her sister may be the next Queen but that is if she can beat the track record for recent royal marriages. I will give it ten years before she is either on Prozac like Diana or ripped to the tits on drink like Fergie.
Barack Obama is the cunt of the decade. I mean, what sort of cunt wins the nobel peace prize for starting more wars than any other cunt in recent history?
OK, he may have inherited one or two from the Bushy Cunt but he’s done pretty well at starting others as well. The cunt’s done Libya, Syria and now he’s trying his best to kick start cunting WW3 in Ukraine. I know he’s a bit to go to beat that cunt Stalin but you can’t fault the cunts efforts to date. And the cunt’s not finished there either. He’s trying to wind up those slant eyed cunts in China and Japan having got them arguing over some piece of cunting rock that’s no cunting use to anyone. They’ve got to be top cunts to fall for that.
I know that in political terms this may be a difficult one but as the worlds most powerful cunt he is in a position to do something cuntingly positive and has failed to do so. To that end I nominate him as a real cunt above all other cunts.
PS. Do I win a prize for putting the word “cunt” into a nomination more times than any other cunt?
Oh fuck, no! It’s Sport Relief 2014, an evening of unrelenting cheap talentless shite masquerading as entertainment on the pretence of raising vast sums of money from brain dead morons who complain they haven’t got any so that over-bloated charity moguls can piss it up the wall.
Let’s cut through the bull: This is the Beeb self promoting itself as the harbinger of all things good and generous whilst filling the schedule with cheap tat.
Mind you ‘Sports Relief’ does seem a rather appropriate title for a programme presented by a bunch of wankers.
Watch something else and send ’em fuck all. That’s what I’ll be doing.
From our fashion correspondent: Noted that the poncing piss pussy and Creative Director for Chanel, Karl Lagerfeld, has achieved the rag trade tour de force of his inimitable career. He has designed THE outfit for the total cunt and is currently pictured modelling the self same creation in Paris for fashionistas everywhere. You lucky people.
Word on the street has it that the BIG PEOPLE at Channel were in an absolute tizz absolutely over who could or should model the epic smutter. Names in the frame included Elton John (but his bum would have looked too big), Simon Cowell (less arse but no class) and Prince Edward (but this is an exclusive show my dears and who hasn’t had that bit of Royal bum?).
Call me a rancid old queen if you must be ever so wearisome but I have to go with the darling people at Channel on this one (you know where to send my free goody bags kissy kissy). Total Cunt is a collection that is divine in its inspiration and can only be presented to the public by the ultimate godhead of the genre. My dears I give you the very personification of Cunt Total, camp kraut Mr Karl Lagerfeld.
Arsed orff right royally. A week later and yet more daily all-dayer press conferences from the Transport Minister with the dodgy tache and the cunts at Malaysia Airways. “What do you know about missing flight MH370?”…..Fuck all. “What are you doing about locating missing flight MH370?”….Fuck all.
Same old story ad infinitum. Endlessly padding out BBC News.
Good news is, though tourism to Malaya/China is holding up, bookings on Malaysia Airways, like flight MH370, have plummeted.
