Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Ben Smith

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Ben Smith – the smug cunt has run 401 consecutive marathons for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

It no doubt beats working for a living and the way he was talking to the appeasing cunts on the ABBC sofa you could almost hear the book deal forming in his head.

That will be 401 pages of “Went running today!” A calendar has more interesting content and that only goes on for 366 pages at most!

The most nauseating thing however is when he banged on about visiting 101 schools to tell them about his own “journey” as he experienced bullying when he was at school.

What a fucking role model: if you’re the school punchbag…run like fuck! Yeah what a great
message that sends out and obviously it was good training for undertaking this pointless exercise.

I’d have more respect for him if he’d taken up boxing and offered to show kids how to smack their bullies in the teeth – most bullies are fucking cowards anyway and a bunch of fives usually guarantees that they’ll leave you the fuck alone for the rest of your school life. Run from the cunts and you’ll be running for ever – just like this Ben Smith cunt!

He also claims he suffered no blisters whatsoever. Well the blisters on my eardrums listening to your self-righteous bullshit certainly need lancing – you cunt! Get a job, twat and actually do something with your life!

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

Bisexual Visibility

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The 23rd of September was Bisexual Visibility Day. To quote them they “feel left out of the media, erased from historical narratives and excluded from LGBTQIA events” (whatever that means).

Back in the day you were either hetrosexual or poof/lezza. Now we have a sorts of transgenders, Bisexuals and various other poofs and benders fighting each other for recognition, media space and financial support

It’s getting a bit confusing for an old cunt like me – do you think we could have a national hetrosexual pride day.

Nominated by: Mahatma Koat

Gail Porter

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I’d like to give Gail Porter a cunting.

It’s not due to the fact that she’s bald,or the fact that she’s had a breast reduction operation. No,it’s because seeing her now and reading that she is 45, has brought it home to me that I am officially an OLD cunt. I always used to look at Gail and think that 5 years inside would be worth it for a night of,admittedly, un-natural sexual excesses. I’d pay the price.

Now I read the article, look at the pictures,and my first thought is….I wonder where she gets her wig?

So,my perky-titted ingenue, you are now officially safe from featuring in any more of my more lurid fantasies. You’ve just made an old man very unhappy. Cunt.

Nominated by: Dick Fiddler

Islamophobia [2]

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Time to recunt the word “Islamophobia.” I nominated this shitty term back in January 2015 but if anything, it’s become even more widespread since then. How has this fucking word become so ubiquitous without even having an agreed definition? From the most thoughtful criticism to the most blatantly racist attack, everything is encompassed by this Orwellian term. Nothing but the profoundest respect – submission? – appears to satisfy some Islamists.

If we are going to make up words, may I suggest:

Islamofauxbia – deliberately contrived “outrage” about an old children’s cartoon designed to draw attention away from the violent actions of Islamists.
Islamophobiaphobia – the fear of saying anything to upset Islamists.
Islamodepression – the feeling experienced when seeing yet another news report about Islamist atrocities.
Islamofatigue – feeling tired of hearing about Islam.
Islamonausea – as above, but feeling sick instead of tired.
Islamoexpertise – NOT gained by reading the Koran or attending an Islamic University like Caliph Al-Baghdadi but gained by reading odious Islamist-apologies in the Guardian and a couple of Wikipedia pages.

Race – 19th century pseudoscience that divides Homo sapiens sapiens into groups based on superficial differences. Can be used by approved Muslims to shut down any criticism of Islam.

Muslim (1) – follower of a Guardian/BBC approved version of the Islamic religion. Anyone self-identifying as a Muslim can only be considered as such if approved by Islamoexperts (see above).
Muslim (2) – a “race” that includes everyone from blue-eyed, blonde-haired Bosnians to Sub-Saharan Africans. Only followers of the ideology of Islam can be members of this “race” and converting to this ideology changes your “race.” Apparently.

Racism (1) – dislike of misogyny, homophobia, ethnic hatred and far right totalitarianism as practiced by Guardian/BBC approved Muslims. Or by non-approved twisters of Islam for that matter.
Racism (2) – a condition suffered by all non-Muslims. Any racism practiced by Muslims people is not racism and accusing any Muslim of racism is racism.

Feel free to add your own definitions, esteemed fellow cunters.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

Judge Rinder [2]

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The only thing he has ever judged is the ‘how many cucumbers can you fit in your arse competition’ held every night at G.A.Y in London and then back to Rinders for some good old fashioned bum fisting, Just ask Micheal Barrymore & Stewart Lubbock, oh wait, you cant ask Lubbock, he’s six feet under with an arsehole the size of a dinner plate after that party at Barrymore’s

Nominated by: Boaby