Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Plate robbing

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snitching-111

I would like to nominate plate robbers for a cunting.

My girlfriend has a very annoying habit, We will go out for a meal and she will pick at my plate.

Now to clarify the situation, when I offer the menu and say “have what you like” I meen it, you are not restricted in price or volume as to what you may consume, However in return for this act of kindness by myself I expect my own food to go un molested.

I think that this is a fair arrangement, the fact that we occasionally exchange bodily fluids does not give you the right to nick my mushrooms (whilst saying” I really like mushrooms”) because these very same mushrooms were advertised on the menu that I provided you with earlier and said “have what you like”!

I order food that I like so that I may consume it, I in courage you to do the same and not stray on to my plate.

However, I do find this cunting rather difficult to pen due to my relationship with the culprit, but it’s a very annoying habit, please desist.

Nominated by: Lord Benny

12/11

Bus passengers

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I would like to nominate bus passengers as a bunch of inconsiderate cunts.

I get a bus daily, to help the environment but mainly because I like a drink after work. If the bus is busy, what do these twats do? Sit in the aisle seat with no intention of moving over so you have to ask them to move. If you can see it’s getting full, fucking move over, pricks. And take your massive fucking handbags off the seat next to you, you’ve paid for one seat, not both.

And if you’re an old fucker and turn up at the bus stop just before it arrives, if I’ve been waiting 10 minutes in the pissing cold and rain, I’m getting on first, so stick your misguided entitlement up your cunt, cunts.

And don’t get me started on the twats who put their feet on the seats, someone should take a shoe covered in dog shite and rub it in their fucking faces.

Nominated by: TheBournemouthRed

Womens lingerie

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Womens’ lingerie is due a cunting.

I’ve walked past some of these shops and although I like a woman in a Fishnet bodysuit most of it is crap. What a load of overpriced shit, give me a woman dressed in a long coat and knee length boots and nothing else.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt

Designer handbags

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I would like to cunt ‘designer handbags’ or to be more precise the feckin’ idiots who buy ’em.

What sort of numbskull spends £10,000 on a bag? But wait ! There’s now a new twist. Not got a spare £10,000 ? Fear not – you can now rent a bag!! You can rent a bag for the very reasonable sum of £179 a month! I kid you not. And the feckin’ airheads are actually doing it.

Stoopid stoopid twats.

Nominated by: Richard 1

Apparently it’s ‘inappropriate’ for the PM to spend £950 on leather trousers according to that paragon of fashion sense, Nicky Morgan.

Frankly, to criticise the PM for spending £950 on trousers and then be photographed coming out of number 10 carrying a £900 DESIGNER HANDBAG is a bit fucking rich…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Christmas (4)

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santa_pile_of_presents

What the hell happened to Christmas?

Once upon a time, it was the time of year, where the kids would come home from school, with pictures painted in, glitter, and nativity scenes made out of cornflake boxes, bog roll holders and lots of cotton wool and more glitter, oh the little darlings loved the glitter, of the baby Jesus in a manger, with Mary, Joseph, three kings, some shepherds, a few farm animals and a star.
There was excited talk of Father Christmas, not sodding Santa, coming and a list would follow, usually with the favourite doll or toy car headlining the list.

On Christmas morning, excited faces of children and adults would tear open the presents, like hyenas at a fresh kill, and be soooo pleased and grateful for the presents that Father Christmas, not sodding Santa, had bestowed upon them.

Dad got hankys or a scarf.
Mum got a hat and gloves.
The kids got one ‘big’ toy each and other toys to be shared between them, mainly a compendium of games, colouring books and pencils.
The dog, a bone, a real bone and letters of thanks, duly written.

Fast forward to now……
It’s all about what presents you going to get, the latest fucking TV, iPad, iPod, iPhone. The latest top of the bollocks fashion, “I want some ugg boots” Fuck off, no you don’t, you’re fucking five!
“Yeah, but My mate, Chelsea Von Richfuck, is getting an 60 quid Ted Baker bag……for school”. Fucking good for her!

God forbid you buy one present( a good one, mind) “One present? Where’s the fucking rest, surely this is me socking filler?”
AND, have you seen the size of stockings these days, what happened to dads old sock, with your orange, some nuts, chocolate and, in my case, a pair of socks in it.
Now you can get a fucking small car in the size of some of them!

If the tree isn’t groaning under the weight of presents that are getting warmer and warmer under the fairy lights, spilling over the front room, so you can’t see the carpet (or the dog!) bar a bit near the door, it’s a crap Christmas and it’s not fair and forget about sending a text of thanks, why would they do that, the gift wasn’t what they wanted after all!

It’s all commercial consumerism now……spend, spend, fucking cunting spend.
It doesn’t matter anymore if you can’t afford it, just stick it on the plastic.

I’m no Scrooge by any means, and I used to love Christmas, but thanks to the
“I want, I want, I want, you’d better get it, or else” modern society we live in today, it’s totally took the fucking sparkle out of the true meaning of Christmas and now I fucking hate it……..Cunts!

I must be getting old…

Baa Fucking Humbug!

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks