My girlfriend has a very annoying habit, We will go out for a meal and she will pick at my plate.

Now to clarify the situation, when I offer the menu and say “have what you like” I meen it, you are not restricted in price or volume as to what you may consume, However in return for this act of kindness by myself I expect my own food to go un molested.

I think that this is a fair arrangement, the fact that we occasionally exchange bodily fluids does not give you the right to nick my mushrooms (whilst saying” I really like mushrooms”) because these very same mushrooms were advertised on the menu that I provided you with earlier and said “have what you like”!

I order food that I like so that I may consume it, I in courage you to do the same and not stray on to my plate.

However, I do find this cunting rather difficult to pen due to my relationship with the culprit, but it’s a very annoying habit, please desist.

Nominated by: Lord Benny

I get a bus daily, to help the environment but mainly because I like a drink after work. If the bus is busy, what do these twats do? Sit in the aisle seat with no intention of moving over so you have to ask them to move. If you can see it’s getting full, fucking move over, pricks. And take your massive fucking handbags off the seat next to you, you’ve paid for one seat, not both.

And if you’re an old fucker and turn up at the bus stop just before it arrives, if I’ve been waiting 10 minutes in the pissing cold and rain, I’m getting on first, so stick your misguided entitlement up your cunt, cunts.

And don’t get me started on the twats who put their feet on the seats, someone should take a shoe covered in dog shite and rub it in their fucking faces.

Nominated by: TheBournemouthRed