Ken Clarke, Nick Clegg and Lord Adonis deserve a rigorous and sustained cunting with a knobbly Blackthorn stave for going to meet Michel Barnier, to tell him what good boys they were in not wanting brexit and promising to do their best to derail it, the absolute traitorous cunts, they treat the public with utter fucking contempt which is a bit rich from people who are themselves contemptible.
Nominated by Jack the Cunter
Emergency cunting for the Newcastle Grooming Gang, convicted of the trafficking and sexual exploitation of schoolgirls between the ages of 13 and 16, in a reign of terror that lasted for an astonishing seven years.
Oh – and what a fucking surprise: they just happen to be Kurdish immigrants exclusively preying on white British girls. Yet another case of “misogyny” then since we’re repeatedly told by the PC brigade that despicable crimes like this are definitely nothing to do with race.
These nonce cunts need dousing in petrol and setting alight – four real live Guys on Bonfire Night: Palla Pour, Ribas Asad, Soran Azizi and Saman Obaid. In fact one of their defence counsels should be cunted as well for offering in mitigation the fact that the defendants had problems with alcohol on account of being so worried about the fate of their relatives in Iraq. Very plausible indeed – . I’m sure we all know people who deal with stress and anxiety by getting drunk and raping a fourteen year old…
Nominated by Fred West.
People queuing for the new iPhone X for 3/4 days in the cold and paying £999 for the privilege are cunts.
Nominated by liberal liquadator
The (Sweeney) Stasi,
The Stasi!
Dah, Dah dah-dah daaaaa, dah du dah dah!
——
“‘Ere you, scroat!?!” (BOP!)
2hrs later in Flying Squad HQ…
“Waaaa, waaht happened?”
“You’re nicked sanshoine! We was towld you ‘eld a door open forra bird and she’s grassed you ap as pervert sex offendah!”
“But, but, but…”
“Worra you? A fackin’ Indian! We got you banged to rights and you’re goin’ darn and forra lorng toime moy san!”
4hrs later in a Brixton surveillance unit…
“Ere gav! Wots this?”
“Wot!?!”
“Two blokes wiv’s shootahs.”
“Naaah, Carter you plam! That’s jast Mr Khan and Mr Mohamed. Are you radio-facking-rental!?! You won’t find two more stand-ap geezers than those two!”
“Bat gav, the shootahs?”
“Jast toys.”
“But the van full of fosgene gas?”
“Well maybes they’re doing sam paint work or sammink!”
“Rental van?”
“So!”
“And the twelve year old girl who looks stoned?”
“…a niece…”
“…in ‘ahhhnd-caffs?”
“Jast fan and games Carter you nonce!”
“Sorry gav.”
“It’s alright Carter, it’s good to be keen. No need forra report.”
—-
“OY! Wot’s this!”
“What!?!”
“This fence YOU CANT!”
“Er, well, it’s a picket fence…?”
“Yes, bat, worts wrong wiv’ it?”
“Er, is it too high?”
“Naw! Troy again.”
“Er, the chevrons too pointy??”
“Naw, naw, naw! You mast troy ‘arder san! Wort calah is it!”
“Er…white…?”
“Ahhhnd wot ovah calah?”
“Well, er, it’s all white, it’s a picket fence you see and…”
“Shat it! You’re nicked! Carter send this one darn for a long time on the race relations act 1984!”
—-
“Gav? Reports of a sex offender in Dulwich!”
“A nonce! Right let’s gaw!”
…
“OY YOU! NONCE CANT!”
“Are you speaking to moi?”
“Yes oy am! So wots your story feeling up the women in these swimming baths changing rooms then?”
“I beg your pardon!?! I am a woman today! And therefore when I say it, it’s true!”
“Well, er, I don’t know if that’s right but I…”
“Oh you DON’T do you! Well why don’t you ask your boss Cresida?”
“Cresida Dick?”
“She prefers ‘Cresida Strapon’ darling. Not too worry. She was just in earlier in the sauna having her bean flicked by that naughty young Polish pool attendent filly.”
“Er, she was was she?”
“Yes she was Inspector Reagan.”
(GULP!)”You know who oy am?”
“Of course dear. Cresida has a soft spot for you as you’re so right-on!”
“Aw…well in that case. Sorry to ‘ave disturbed you mam.”
“Not to worry inspector. Now can I have my camera back as there’s a woman just gone into cubicle 2 who’s got the most delightful fanny just like a boxer’s nose, and I’d like a few snaps for when I decide I’m a man again.”
“Er, yes, of course mam. Carter! Give the – er – lady her camera back with the telephoto lens.”
—-
Next week: Reagan and Carter help a traveller community ransack a small village in the Cotswolds for quite clearly being racist…
Nominated by Rebel Without a Cunt
So Parliament once more is fingered for “inappropriate behaviour” and alcohol is made the culprit. Have staggered meself from function to function and can confirm the joint floats on a subsidised booze filled haze. The Mother orf Parliaments is a gin soaked old whore now setting the standard for national behaviour. Have motored after midnight through this fair land steering me old Bentley around groups orf slaughtered fillies, knickers doine, arses in the air and puking in the gutters, their ardent swains legless and incapable.
We now have bred an inebriated and knackered Blighty that cannot hold its liquor and that is a national tragedy.
Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke