Are you:-

– going through a loss?
– having problems with love?
– having problems with finance?
– getting divorced?
– unhappy with your work situation?
– lonely?
– feeling unattractive?
– feeling helpless?

Why not consult someone who, for a meagre sum, can look into the future and help you. With their gifts of insight, they’ll be able to predict your impending happiness, incoming partner or future fortune. They could even “make contact” with someone who you’ve recently lost.
Don’t worry if you aren’t able to find one of these talented experts locally as you can now speak to one on the telephone for a paltry low amount (and they won’t keep you on the phone for too long!). Just call up an advertised psychic, or contact one online, and you can obtain an instant perspective.

▫ Men – you could be shown expert business knowledge and how to make your first million.

▫ Women – were you a queen in a former life? Perhaps Cleopatra, Elizabeth I, a Russian princess or Marie Antoinette?

These shameless con artists’ tricks are obvious to most but they’re clever, devious cunts who prey on both the simple-minded and the emotionally-scarred. The job of a clairvoyant is to keep clients coming back, get them addicted to psychic readings, and keep taking their money.

Nonetheless, there are still no laws to prevent this chicanery, absolutely no legislation at all to prevent it. Clairvoyants, shamans, mediums, rune-readers, psychics, numerologists, intuitive astrologers, Spiritualists…
….Fuck Off you rapacious, barefaced lying imposter cunts.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Business Development Managers…..are cunts.

You’re not a fucking Business Development Manager, you’re a Salesman. You’ve always been a Salesman, so call yourself a Salesman. And you’re a cunt.

Take your shite of a £24k a year (plus commission bonus obviously) salary, your turbo-dog shit Ford Mondeo, your £39 Primark suit, your £1k+ a month rent on a house of which you don’t own a brick, your bullshit ‘holiday’ to CenterParcs where invariably you’ll be surrounded with other ‘Business Developing’ cunts, your bang average missus who’s no doubt getting ‘rooted’ by her fitness instructor as I type and lastly take your complete and utter nondescript existence and do the honourable thing…………cunt

Nominated by Cunting Ballbag

I’m provisionally heading this ‘Cunts and Coins’

As you may have heard, the Royal MInt has just announced that there’s to be yet another change to the coinage. A new 10p piece. Well, to be exact, 26 new 10p pieces. One design for each letter of the alphabet, – I shall return to this baffling requirement – and each expressing a ‘quintessentially British’ thing.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/03/01/queuing-cricket-tea-quintessentially-british-things-celebrated/

Apparently designed by the artist who did the South Bank Centre, for the benefit of Primary 1’s class piggybank, they are presumably some kind of vanity project, as the question ‘Why?’ remains unanswered, and the question ‘How much did they cost’ remains unasked, except by bitter cunts like me. Though, if it illustrates the insanity of the UK as currently governed, it at least asserts its individuality, until the French come up with 365 variants on the Euro cent, at least, so perhaps a nuclear cunting would be overkill.

That said, obviously the new coinage demands a themed ABC to go with it:

A is for Aliens Arriving in boats
B is for Brussels, which ignores our votes
C is for Cunt, of Course – doesn’t want borders –
D’s for the Dole, and all its Defrauders.
E’s for the EU we’re not going to leave,
or so all the Fuckwit remoaners believe,
G’s for Great Britain, whose Greatness has Gone;
H is for House prices – financial con.
I’s for Illegals, whom no-one has numbered,
J’s for our Jails, with gangstas encumbered,
K’s for the Knighthoods we give party donors
(and L’s ‘Lord’ Adonis, queen of remoaners)
M’s for the Media, evading the blame
for Numerous Nonentities’ five-minute fame.
O..MG! – acronyms, overemployed
by Pissboiling Pundits we can’t avoid.
Q is for Queerness on public display
R is for Rappers, and all that they say,
S is for Snowflake and Selfie and Snood
T is for Trackie and Twats who say ‘dude’
U is for Urine -craft beers – in the bar
V’s Virtue signalling, Vegan, VR,
W? Wankers whose Whining’s PC
X for Xpatriate, happy and free.
Y is for You, you cunt, and so, goodbye
I need some Z’s now, so fuck off and die.

Nominated by Komodo.

HGVs …. Ban the cunts! (at least in daylight hours, when all the other poor bastards are trying to move around the country.)

The problem of every-worsening traffic congestion is not going to be solved anytime soon by building more roads, but it could be partially solved literally overnight if we simply remove some of the slow-moving big shit.

Please don’t anyone tell me it would push up the price of food. Bullshit! If anything, it would mean that trucks could move around much more efficiently at night, not been hindered by a load of other cunts doing their school runs and other mundane shite.

My suggestion is to ban anything above 7.5 tonnes between 7am and 7pm.

What do we think to that one?!

Nominated by Mr Bastard

Hot on the trail of Commonwealth Cunt of the Year – Justin Trudeau – who man-splained to an audience of snowflakes that the word “Man” was bad (while ignoring a question on keeping Canada safe from internal “peaceful” terrorist cunts); Purdue University looks to go one futher in the “emasculation of men” stakes, officially stating that the word “Man” should no longer be used, as a word, as a prefix or as a suffix.

A woman talking on Tucker Carlson Tonight from Fox’s Manhatton studio said that Purdue University was ahead of the curve in public perception on this subject.

Purdue – which prides itself on campaigning on many Human Rights issues – is not the first educational establishment in the states to infer that the male term is sexist (and no doubt racist too) but they are the first to proscribe it’s non-use/eradication in writing vocabulary on campus.

Well I hope they manage it and look forward to reading the many articles which may scan curiously but they will be on-message and well mannered.

Some people may think that manipulating language is folly but they are yesterday’s views where as Purdue is looking to the views of tomorrow, or mañana as our Spanish friends would say.

What a complete and utter bag of cunt!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!