Whilst I am on a roll, I would like to nominate free air users for a cunting.

In a bit of a rush, notice one tyre a bit low on air, so go to Sainsbury’s garage to pump it up. Why do I always get behind some cunt who want to make checking his/her tyre pressures a fucking day out. I’m surprised some of the cunts dont take sandwiches.

Then they decide to check their water level. I always thought that taking the pressure cap off a hot car was a little on the dangerous side, but what the fuck they do it anyway.

Then they get back in their car, fuck about again for 5 minutes doing god knows what and then drive away.

Not bad, only took 20 minutes. Cunts.

Nominated by Roge

White Privilege, moreover those thunder CUNTS who genuinely believe that those of us with ‘white’ skin are in some way advantaged over all others, are throbbing CUNTS of the highest order.

Firstly, you don’t fucking know me, so how can you assume I’m fucking privileged? I come from a shit hole, former mining town in Nottinghamshire…..not what I’d call privileged. My Dad worked shit hours as a security guard and my Mum a machinist making cushions and other such soft bollocks, hardly silver spoon shit! My school did, and still does, look like a fucking Prison, teachers were shite but tried their best with us. I seem to remember having the same opportunity to ‘learn’ at school as the next cunt, irrespective of colour or creed.

But here’s the thing, me and my younger brother were brought up knowing if we wanted anything in life, WE had to work for it. No fucking handouts, family, government or otherwise. Sitting on our arses wasn’t an option, playing the victim card wasn’t an option. You want something? Fuck off and earn it you little cunt!

I couldn’t be arsed with school, spent most of my time smoking roll-ups and finger blasting slappers in the playground, leaving at age 16 with 4 GCSE’s worthy of note i.e. A-C…..two of those being Art and History, Oxbridge I most certainly was fucking not!

Anyway, fuck that, the very notion that by being WHITE therefore makes me PRIVILEGED offends (I’ll be careful how I use that word, I realise every cunt is offended nowadays) me. I and my family / friends all worked fucking hard for what we have in life…..

Stop playing the fucking victim, grow some balls and learn / work or do whatever the fuck you’ve got to do in order to make something of your life and please, please, please stop blaming ‘da whiteman’ for all your shit!

Rant over…..CUNTS

Nominated by Spunk Chops

Nomination: Elin Ersson

Who: Swedish liberal activist (I could almost stop there).

Cunt: Another day, another LOL at Europe’s trusty cuckold country. This abominable little shitcunt has disrupted a plane whilst protesting on board, a plane which she believed was destined to deport an Afghani illegal.

(Apparently, she got the wrong plane. They were deporting someone else)

Not only was the Afghani due for deportation not actually on the plane (and is indeed still due to be flown out), but this cunt could face 6 months in prison herself for the disruption and thanks to her vanity, the protest was filmed and now millions across the globe know the full capacity of her cuntitude.

You fucking stupid bitch. I hope this ruins the cunt good and proper.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

The Government and it’s ‘Spaceport’ deserve a nomination. We all know that May has a tendency to ignore the advice of people who are paid to advise her, preferring instead to listen to the voices in her head. But this is just fucking ridiculous.

It was recently announced that the Government was keen to get back in on the space race, having abandoned our previous participation about fifty years ago. Now, experts will tell you that the best location for a facility to launch rockets into space is close to the equator. Apparently, the reason for this is that equator is where Earth’s rotational speed is at its highest. This gives rockets a natural boost, and saves having to pay the cost of extra fuel and boosters.

Like I said though, May prefers to ignore the advice of people who know better, and instead of siting the ‘spaceport’ on a British territory close to the equator, she and her government have instead chosen to site the damn place in….Sutherland, Scotland. This will make Britain’s shiny new launch facility the most northerly launch facility in the world, and means that when we eventually get round to actually launching rockets, we, the taxpayer, will have to pay extra to ensure they have enough fuel to get into orbit. (Sarcastic applause) Well done Theresa.

I have nothing against Sutherland. I’m sure it’s a perfectly nice place. But there is no practical or financial reason for our new venture into the realm of the Death Star to be placed there. There is, however, a very good political reason. With the SNP’s calls for a second once in a lifetime referendum on independence, the government wants the Scottish people to know that it fully supports them, cares about them, and would prefer they didn’t vote to leave the United Kingdom.

In other words, it’s a blatant attempt to bribe the Scottish into staying in the union. We all know that May is a moron, she seems determined to prove that she really is on another planet.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Advertising executives are long overdue a cunting.

A world inhabited with cunts that sit in endless meetings sporting Hypster beards and who no doubt cover up their lack of intelligence or creativity by saying ‘Like Ya’ and who ultimately came up with the new GoCat advert deserve a truly royal cunting.

Now bear in mind Cats lick their own assholes on a daily basis, lick their own cocks if they have one, kill for fun wildlife and sometimes eat their spoils, mostly they don’t as they just enjoy the torture element, some bunch of cunts as described above have created a new advertising campaign for GoCat Mixer.

Now I know we live in an age where advertisers will try to sell us a utopian dream that’s only a stones throw away, just as long as we eat/apply/subscribe/worship their latest pile of cunt but GoCat have just raised the fooooking bar.

If you thought you’re cat and presumably next will be your dog was immune to this guilt tripping, think again.

GoCat are now marketing their reconstituted shit as having ‘No artificial colourings or additives so your cat can live a healthier life’. This seminal piece of advertising history in the making includes cuddly film of a cuddly kitten/cat with a kiddy voice over that I can only assume is the sort of voice dungeree wearing fat lesbians adopt when talking to their only friends, ie Tiddles….

No doubt the cunts will add a few quid to the asking price, safe in the knowledge that Jenny the fat single lesbian thinks by buying this shite Tiddles May live an extra day or so, meanwhile Tiddles will continue to lick his ass, kill wildlife, shit in your garden and throw up fur balls under your bed.

Anyone for Snake Oil?

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface