What is it about these daft bints with their fucking hashtags and their holier than thou attitude? If it’s not the fact their kids are the best at everything (until they fail their exams or their school team gets beat and then fuck all appears), then it’s their house is the best (at least Hyacinth Bucket/Bouquet was a pisstake), their cars are the best, their jobs are stressful, but fulfilling, their husband is the best and their family life something everyone should aspire to (even though both halves of the relationship are probably fucking someone else).

Their diet and fitness journey is rammed down your throat (Your PT costs a fortune but your still fat love, have a bag of chips instead of an avocado). And to cap it off, they share “inspirational quotes” on a Saturday night, which gives the game away; you ain’t got the slap on to take an airbrushed photo at a high angle to hide your double chin love.

You’re fat, middle aged, stuck at home watching celeb cunts dancing or snowflake cunts crying because 4 talentless wankers think they can’t sing. The hubby is fat and thinking you’re boring but he can’t get a younger model.

Get out and get a life, get a fucking off someone, get a hobby, but whatever you do, keep it to yourself you cunt.

Nominated by Cunt Nemesis

I was in our local pharmacy earlier to get a prescription made up. Unfortunately I had to share the confined waiting space with a couple of totally wasted specimens who were in to get their methadone hits.

I’d say that the notion of applying some soap and water either to themselves or their manky clothes was utterly alien to either of them. Both smelled as though they’d just fallen off the back of a Council dustcart, but oddly, each had a very shiny and expensive looking smartphone. One was trying to put a date onto the calendar, and was relating the story to the other. It seems that ‘the cunts’ from the DHSS were due to pay him a visit concerning some disputed money to which he was ‘fucking well entitled to’.

Entitled my arse. It’s a fair bet that neither of these useless scratters has ever made a single meaningful contribution to society in their miserable lives, or ever will. It will always be ‘take’ as far as they’re concerned, and guess who’ll be picking up the tab?

I would not cross the road to piss on either of these cunts if they were on fire. That would just take the pleasure out of a good piss.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Dope smokers are cunts.

Goddammit, I never thought I’d think this way, as cannabis is a rather pleasant recreational drug. Unfortunately, 99.9999% of the people who use this drug are workshy motherfuckers who use it as an excuse to marinade in their own filth whilst doing nothing more creative and “out there” than watching fucking TV or playing games consoles.

I’ve enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong. It’s fun. But like most fun past times, there’s a time and a place. On the tab of the taxpayer is not the place. Every waking minute is not the time.
So like it or not, western civilisation is changing it’s attitude and the process of legalisation is well underway. For years dope smokers have wished for this, their every effort hampered by old school lawmakers and well meant but utterly idiotic celebrity representation (like george micheal the chump). Who knew all we’d need is a few sick kids?

Before you know it, most of the country will quite legally be on their lazy fat arses. All the billions in tax will pay for it all. Of course, at first it will all be “medicinal” and therefore thoroughly acceptable.

No-one seems to consider that we’re a country of self obsessed fuckwitted idiots already and giving us dope will exacerbate the situation. You think our country is full of cunts already? You think we’re lazy now? Worried about ruskies, the EU or islam walking all over us?

Just wait, duuuude, until we’re all chillin’. Just fucking wait indeed.

Nominated by Cuntflap