Some time ago I put up a nom. entitled ‘Done To Death Songs’. This was a bitter condemnation of all those songs which if you never hear again in your life, it will be too soon. No more ‘My Way’. No more ‘Bohemian Rhapsody, or ‘Yesterday’, or fucking ‘Mack the Knife’.
Anyway, on one of those recent glorious afternoons, the wife and I were lazing in the garden (Dog but she still looks good in a bikini), sipping cool Pinot, and listening to ‘golden oldies’ on the radio. Then bastard, on IT came, the most boring song ever. I refer to that turgid dirge ‘Release Me’, foisted on the world in 1967 by the original ‘Tango Man’, Mr Engelbert Humperdinck.
Now younger readers may be unfamiliar with this pile of maudlin wank, so here’s the magnificently mulleted Mr Dinck, seen here still cranking out his hit over twenty years later;

What a soaring feat of songwriting this is. Four lines of melody, eight lines of lyrics, no chorus to the verse, no middle eight, all wrapped up in a gloriously cheesy arrangement. To think that on release, this excresence was top of the charts for weeks, keeping the magnificent Beatles double ‘A’ side ‘Strawberry Fields Forever/Penny Lane’ from the No. 1 spot. Every 80-year-old must have fired up their zimmer frames and lurched down to their local record shop to buy it.
Over fifty years have passed, yet my loathing for this putrid piece of shite remains undiminished. I’d managed to bury my hatred in the back of my mind, only to have it resurface on a beautiful day that deserved better. So I hereby nominate Humper the cunt, the composers, and indeed every cunt at Decca Records for foisting this coma-inducing bilge on the hapless public (also not forgetting the DJ who polluted the airwaves with it once more the other day).
‘Release Me’; the most boring song of all time. Unless of course cunters, you know better…

Nominated by Ron Knee

Ok, they won some championship title thing, don’t know about it, not interested in football – but in the middle of the pandemic, what do they do? They all flock in their thousands to the stadium to celebrate, all leaping up and down and hugging and going on about how it’s the greatest day in their life and how special it is to their heart yada yada…Just like the Bournemouth beach invaders yesterday, a load of ignorant irresponsible cunts.

Oh and Sky news are also cunts (as per usual), for making this their lead story and going on about it for about ten minutes.

Nominated by: Mystic Maven

——————————————————————————————————————

Liverpool fans

Are cunts. To be honest, anyone still watching the Premier League is a cunt due to them doing the black power salutes. But I digress.

One of the reasons given by many for not finishing the season yet, was that the Liverpool fans would break the rules and gather at the ground once they won the title. If you went on any football forum or thread before (and during ) the ‘restart’ , every one of these scouse cunts was saying, ”We’re not fuckK(goz)in’ stoopid laa, weez not gonna do dat yer just sayin’ it coz yooz just a sad ‘canceller’ innit calm down calm down deydoododondeydo” etc.

Well lo and behold, as soon as the fucking whistle blew to confirm the title, the fucking scally cunts turned up at Anfield in their thousands, as predicted by every cunt with more than one brain cell. Of course, that scouse cunt MP/Mayor or whatver his is (my research is flawless, but it was some scouse cunt) will be moaning again about how it’s affecting the scousers more than other soon once these pricks pass it on to other cunts.

Same with other protesting mobs lately and those asstwats at the beach. I don’t want to hear our ‘government’ moaning about the inevitable upcoming spike in the next 5-8 weeks or so. Perhaps if they’d forced the gutless cops to wade in and smash a few skulls and tell them all to fuck off home, a few thousand lives might’ve been saved? Just a thought, you useless cunts.

Yes, we need to get back to work and all that shite, but fuck me. This country is asking for it when the government allow this insanity to continue. No fucking point in any of this lockdown shite if this is allowed to go on because ‘racism’ or ‘celebration’ or ‘street party’ (lol). I might organise a mass protest because Wagon Wheels keep getting smaller. Who’s with me?

Piss off.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

A pink and fluffy with frills cunting please for this bunch of weirdos, poofers and lesbians who describe themselves as “influencers”, but are really exhibitionist freaks.

Shame on the Evening Standard for lifting this particular paving stone of society to see all the camp little freaks crawling and mincing about underneath it. They almost make Julian Clary and Eddie Izzard look like Arthur Mullard.

Nominated by: W.C. Boggs

As I type this thoroughly scathing cunting about the “new” South Africa I’m reminded of one major thing about rainbows, there is of course no white in a rainbow, you hear the easily led of the Marxist persuasion saying how awful Apartheid was.

Well in the “new” kaffer controlled South Africa they in a way have still got apartheid, because if you happen to white, you’re not African despite being born there, some of the Boer families go right back to the 1652 settlers.

Meanwhile in Blighty you fall off a rickety dingy and you’re pretty much made for life probably with fast track citizenship, and wo-be-tide any cunt who doesn’t agree, apparently the thick cunts have learnt nothing from neighbouring Rhodesia (called Zimbabwe now or something), chase off whitey, fucking starve and then beg them to come back.

I know a few white “saffas” and I can say they’re the most straight talking, honest and welcoming people I’ve ever met, white farmers are murdered on an almost daily basis, not just shot but tortured for hours by hoards of “tar brush cunts”. But do we hear about it on MSM, fuck no because they don’t give a flying fuck about whitey as long as M’Tebe doesn’t have to drink bison piss or walk a few miles for it,

I don’t know if it’s true but the late Rhodesian prime minister Ian Smith is rumoured to have “I told you so” engraved on his tombstone, the man knew the African inside-out and knew they were incapable of sophistication to pull off a first world economy, but was villianised by even their own kith and kin in Britain, so I’ll finish by saying the “new” South Africa what an absolute cunt to man and beast!

Nominated by: Captain Quimson

A nomination for pop culture.

I know it’s subjective, and i used to think Will Self was being his usual sneering gargoyle persona when he said it was objectively crap (he was referring to rave culture and what followed). I agree with him about rave culture in some regards, but ‘objectively’ crap? It entertained some and involved some young adult behaviour.

I think his statement is a bit more accurate these days. Pop culture struggles to even entertain its target audiences, let alone rising to a level you could call art, be it chart music, films, games, comics or TV.

It’s a sea of uninteresting mediocre wank suited to gormos on social media, what the commentator Paul Weston called ‘Epsilon Semi Morons,’ with their foetal understanding of the world and desire for more episodes of Love Island and Pixar ‘films’. These are not just the Zoomers or Millennial cunts, but Gen X cunts older than myself, crying over trailers for blockbusters like StarWars and Sonic the HedgeCunt.

I understand the desire for escapism more than most but, fuck me, must it be a cartoon (and not an adult-orientated one)? Must it be a film with a script written by a man-child where stuff happens just because it’s ‘cool and intense’ (JJ Abrams on Cloverfield)?
Must it be woke dogshit with no plot and cast with ridiculous ‘types’; the young black girl who can do everything and knows more than a 40-year old white bloke?

Must it be a game – be iit computer or tabletop- where you pay for upgrades to your character or team in real money with no end goal other than ‘levelling up?’

Must it be books aimed at 12 year olds with special covers for adults, or books so poorly-written and bogged down with references to eighties crap it has no narrative flow or literary style (see Ready, Player One, a ‘must-read’ for hipster cunts of my vintage).

Perhaps. If you find it entertaining. But please not because every cunt is doing it. This stuff is for fucking kids.
Pixar, superhero films, Candy Crush and other bleep-blop shit, Harry Potter books, comic books, online video games with ‘pay to win’ elements, those shoddy cartoons on Netflix.

It’s all for fucking kids, but it’s gobbled up by cunts, and a lot of them are too old to be called millennials. They have kids of their own. They use terms like ‘adulting’.
They’re asking for endless abuse.

Cunts.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime