Incredibly Boring Songs

Some time ago I put up a nom. entitled ‘Done To Death Songs’. This was a bitter condemnation of all those songs which if you never hear again in your life, it will be too soon. No more ‘My Way’. No more ‘Bohemian Rhapsody, or ‘Yesterday’, or fucking ‘Mack the Knife’.
Anyway, on one of those recent glorious afternoons, the wife and I were lazing in the garden (Dog but she still looks good in a bikini), sipping cool Pinot, and listening to ‘golden oldies’ on the radio. Then bastard, on IT came, the most boring song ever. I refer to that turgid dirge ‘Release Me’, foisted on the world in 1967 by the original ‘Tango Man’, Mr Engelbert Humperdinck.
Now younger readers may be unfamiliar with this pile of maudlin wank, so here’s the magnificently mulleted Mr Dinck, seen here still cranking out his hit over twenty years later;

What a soaring feat of songwriting this is. Four lines of melody, eight lines of lyrics, no chorus to the verse, no middle eight, all wrapped up in a gloriously cheesy arrangement. To think that on release, this excresence was top of the charts for weeks, keeping the magnificent Beatles double ‘A’ side ‘Strawberry Fields Forever/Penny Lane’ from the No. 1 spot. Every 80-year-old must have fired up their zimmer frames and lurched down to their local record shop to buy it.
Over fifty years have passed, yet my loathing for this putrid piece of shite remains undiminished. I’d managed to bury my hatred in the back of my mind, only to have it resurface on a beautiful day that deserved better. So I hereby nominate Humper the cunt, the composers, and indeed every cunt at Decca Records for foisting this coma-inducing bilge on the hapless public (also not forgetting the DJ who polluted the airwaves with it once more the other day).
‘Release Me’; the most boring song of all time. Unless of course cunters, you know better…

Nominated by Ron Knee

207 thoughts on “Incredibly Boring Songs

  1. I will survive. I hated it when it was just drunken slappers hollering it as the stumbled to the kebab shop from the local shite club. Then it got adopted by the LGBTQ brigade and that sent it to the pinnacle of cunt. I will survive? Not if I’m on the trigger. It’s funny how being gay is associated with being artistic, yet the stuff they put out is dreadful, and the straight stuff they like is usually awful too. Somebody prove me wrong for fucks sake, don’t want to come across as a ‘phobe….

    • ‘I Am What I Am’; another gay anthem. Nothing against gays, but the song’s fucking boring posturing.

  2. I have to disagree, the majority of the above mentioned songs remind me of a happy childhood growing up through the late 60s and 70s, now throw a Stormzsy or Dave into the mix and you get a true representation of mind numbing, childish, stereotypical Horse piss ever to assault your eardrums, in short Rap/Grime is fucking Wank and people who have it thumping out of their £500 hatchbacks deserve a decent kicking.!

  3. After careful, considered contemplation -it’s down to two:

    The Verve- Bittersweet Symphony

    Keith Harris and Orville-I wish I could fly (me too, into Unkle T’s oven)

    • Leave Orville out of it, General. You should encourage his flight ambitions, not diss him. Let him dream.
      For some reason (might be thinking of colours because of that green duck) but I’ve now got Boney M and Brown Girl in the Ring, tra la la la la in my head. What the hell was sugar in a plum plum plum? Not rude is it?

      • ‘Brown girl in the ring. Show me your motion’…
        Am I reading more into this than I should?

      • I am, I’m sure of that.
        To me it sounds like the fried fish and Johnny cakes (corn pancakes / flatbreads I think) which she sings about have given her or a mate a dicky tummy and that references to being unable to wash her cloths means someone has laid a trio of sweet smelling, plum sized dogs eggs studded with sweetcorn kernels in their underwear. Though why they’d want to see that I don’t know.
        However, it might just be the cheese on toast I’ve had before bedtime giving me strange thoughts.
        On that note I’ll say goodnight, Ron.

  4. Why has everyone forgotten the dirge that is the scouse victim anthem “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.
    I am a professional DJ (and cunt) but in the middle of a Saturday night when the atmosphere is bouncing and some scally fuckwit comes up to you and demands (they never ask) that I play this pile of shit.
    The answer is always the same.

    • How do you become a “professional” DJ? You mean you make a living by playing records? Do you think I could do the same by playing tracks by Gerry Rafferty, ELO, Five Hand Reel, Kenny Rogers,Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, the Corries Leonard Cohen and other genuises?

  5. PS Forgot to add Creedence Clearwater Revival and Gordon Lightfoot. That´s all folks. Great nom Ron. Almost 200 replies. must be a “record”.

  6. Gee, some of you regulars are old cunts (likeable and witty old cunts, I hasten to add). No wonder there is so much vitriol and opprobrium on this noble part of the cyber world. Two wrongs don’t make a right: the bitterness that often accompanies the ageing process, coupled with the wokeness that has permeated our once great nation over the last 30 years has generated a febrile environment of skepticism, intolerance and hatred amongst some western societies (particularly in the U.K. and the USA). Regardless, there have been some great noms mentioned in this thread as far as seriously insipid songs are concerned. I would like to add to the list Robbie Williams’s ‘Angels’. That fat gibbering fruitcake can get to fuck! Won’t be long until we hear about this cunt being indefinitely institutionalised.

    • ‘I’m loving angels instead’.
      What a great line in a great song…
      Not. Seems to a favourite at weddings and hen night piss ups. Says it all.

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