I would like to cunt Pembrokeshire county council if I may, to understand Pembrokeshire it is a rural backwater, with residents who make the rednecks off Deliverance look normal (I also originate from the area) it is also known as little England, the population is almost exclusively white except for a token dar quay or joe daki, but the reason for this cunting is Pembrokeshire County Council aka Pembrokeshire old farmers and Masons, have decided it appropriate to bathe the monstrosity that is county hall in a purple haze of lights to support the cause championed by George “I can’t breeff” Floyd, a violent thug with a charge sheet longer than Dianne Abbotts KFC receipt, why are they doing this, it’s mainly just virtue signalling, most councillers would act like Eddie Booth off ‘Love thy neighbour’ if one moved next door to them, most of the councillers are greasy cunts, on top whack salaries so couldn’t give a fuck, also Pembrokeshire has I believe the lowest murder rate in the UK averaging about 1 every year or 2, a coincidence?, I don’t think so!, cunts to man and beast PCC really are!

Nominated by Captain Quimson

Splish splash you´re having a slash, staring stoically straight ahead. No peeping to the left or right in case your neighbor gets the wrong idea and thinks you´re sizing him up*. What bothers me now is that I tend to hang around for what seems like hours shaking off the final drips and giving the impression that I am waiting for some homo action. This is because I had an operation about 10 years ago which basically circumcised me and left no handy little foreskin space where droplets could linger.

Nowadays, a pee followed by a brief feeble shake then tucking the snake back into its place usually results in a rivulet of amber fluid down my thigh and a give-away stain on my trousers. For this reason I try to avoid public urinals in bars, restaurants, cafes etc. In countries like Brazil it´s common to see pissers openly wiping and drying their cocks with paper towels but it´s not a practice I´ve seen in Europe or the US.

*BTW, Lenny Bruce once said the ending of desegregated bogs (“restrooms” in American speak) destroyed the myth that blacks had enormous dongs. But let´s not go into that in case we offend Black Cocks Matter.

Nominated by: Mr Polly

Faith healers are cunts, aren’t they.

Fortuitously we haven’t got many of these confidence tricksters in old Blighty. Perhaps we’re too cynical, perhaps we’re not gullible enough, perhaps we’re just too savvy. Nonetheless these snakes are still plying their nonsense across the globe.

Pastor Frankline Ndifor worked tirelessly as a faith healer in Cameroon. The “prophet” claimed that he was able to cure Covid-19. He was also a candidate in the central African state’s last presidential election.

It was going extraordinarily well until… he contracted Covid 19. Years of fleecing individuals by placing his hands on them and telling them that they’ve been cured has ended badly; the pastor died less than a week later.

It’s been more than three days and the charlatan still hasn’t “risen.”

Awkward.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

It has come to my attention that due to the inexplicable popularity of TV ‘comedy’ Gavin and Stacey, the reputation of Barry Island is going through something of a renewal.

Well, my childhood was blighted by a period spent there, and I had the extreme misfortune to have a near encounter with it again in more recent years and I’m here to tell you what – despite the best efforts of fat twat Corden to portray it as some kind of haven of working-class whimsy – it truly is.

Barry Island is the ulcerated, prolapsed anus of all Creation, and even seeing its name on a road sign could give your soul cancer.

In the event of a zombie apocalypse it will be the only place of safety due to the fact that even a walking heap of rancid decay that smells worse than a maggot’s minge would be too disgusted to set foot in it.

In any just universe it would be scraped off the face of the Earth like the leprous scab it is and dropped into the core of the sun to burn for a billion years.

Barry Island is a cunt. And it’s not even a fucking island.

Nominated by: Chimp Licker