Monthly Archives: August 2018

Man buns

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In the words of the Urban Dictionary:

The way of showing the world you are a twat without having to speak. Also known as Douche Donut

The full horror of these has just been demonstrated to me by the twentysomething ‘mate’ of the dismal eighteen year old living with his flaccid parents across the road, stepping out of his badly-parked car, and, with the high probablity of such visitors being a county line operation, presumably bearing a selection of chemicals for distribution by said dismal youth.

Why in the name of fuck does anyone want to look like a carelessly shaven terracotta warrior from the Quin Dynasty? Who or what are they trying to impress, and how? What possible kudos can attach to a cunt who in all other respects resembles a Super Mario addict, who is topped off by a bundle of unwashed hair modelled on an old-fashioned dishmop rendered useless by falling into the chip pan during the lard era? Does this cunt live on quinoa or heroin? Impossible to tell.

A blight on any pleasing prospect, far uglier than an equivalent volume of fresh air, I know this cunt is a cunt without having even to speak to him. Thank god for that, anyway. Supreme hermaphroditic cunt, because simultaneously a massive knob.

Nominated by Komodo

Holiday scrotes

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I need to nominate holiday scrotes.

I’m currently on holiday and been rudely interrupted whilst perusing ISAC by some butch, pre-op tranny looking chav bitch yelling across the pool in her equally repulsive Scouse accent at her benefit scrounging rabble of a family from her balcony.

Now I’ve nothing against people who have a hard background, I grew up on a council estate but consider myself as far from a chav as it’s possible to be. These cunts have clearly come on holiday on the back of some whiplash compo, and give not one fuck as they embarrass themselves, single handedly lowering the tone of this place as well as every other gaff in a two mile radius. I have nothing but contempt for cunts who seem to think that just because they weren’t born with a silver spoon shoved up their arse that they have to behave like a bunch of feral fucking cats. Manners really cost fuck all.

They can all get to fuck

Nominated by The Ghost of Glauber Berti

Jeff Bezos

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Jeff Bezos. You know, the guy who owns Amazon.com.

The only reason I want him cunted is because his wealth has today officially passed the $150,000,000,000 mark (that’s 150 billion for all the thick cunts out there). That means he is roughly $150,000,000,000 richer than me, give or take a dollar or two.

Now I think that’s very unfair and mean of him. OK I accept the fact that he’s a self made technological and financial whizkid and I’m just a layabout thicko whose main attempts at making money involves things called Betfair and William Hill. Still, I think its very rude and disrespectful of Mr Bezos to flaunt his wealth so blatantly in front of me. It hurts my feelings and pride.

He reminds me of Harry Enfield’s Mr Loadsamoney, always waving fivers in front of poor people like me. I really can’t think of any other reason why he’s a cunt but surely having $150,000,000,000 in the bank is reason enough?

Nominated by CuntsR-Us (a jealous cunt)

Chris Evans [5]

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I detest the four-eyed ginger Spacca. I just wish that he’d been to school with me. I’d have bullied the Cunt relentlessly until he couldn’t speak without a stutter and pissing himself. Wouldn’t have made much of a DJ if he swamped the studio with drool and piss every time he tried to open his flap.

I haven’t listened to the bastard for months. I couldn’t stand the endless talk about his family,very big house in the country and cars. However this morning after that fucking “Angels” song by Robbie (arsebandit) Williams started up on my new channel, I retuned to Radio 2. I was just in time to hear The Cunt Evans banging on about “Glasto” next year. That was enough for me,anyone who talks about “Glasto” is obviously a rampaging half-wit.

I had hoped that after getting the sack from Top Gear that the braggart would be so ashamed that he would load his family into one of his “I’ve just bought such and such car for £250k, blah,blah,blah) vehicles, loop a 50 yard long rope around all of their necks,tie one end to a tree in the grounds of his country estate and drive off at 90mph.

Apparently Evans has been encouraging his 5 year old son to wear a dress…as a DJ,I wonder if Chris’ll Fix It for the child to make an early appearance on the celebrity circuit?

Fuck him.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

The Beckham media circus

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A real front page cunting is in order for elderly footballer ponce David Beckham and his ugly brats. Every day every tabloid in the land has some vacuous photo-op like this one:

Who cares what the old media whore is up to?. Is there no level below which he would fail to stoop to get his fucking face in the papers?. He seems to think everyone is fascinated by his oxygen-wasting life, and the kids since birth have been employed to fuel. Right from the Beckham’s first born getting circumcised, to the last one looking for a school there is no part of their lives this pair of arseholes is not prepared to make public to ensure they keep in the public eye. Their insane desire for publicity seems even more extreme than Anthony Blair and his equally ugly family.

Beckham is encouraging his kids to grow up to be self-obsessed poofs.

Nominated by W.C. Boggs