The Phrase ‘Get A Grip’

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A cunting for the over-used phrase ‘Get a Grip’, it came up again yesterday after the Channel fiasco.

It seems that it’s our responsibility to get a grip on unsafe boats leaving French beaches, sometimes under escort from French naval vessels, perhaps the call should be for France to ‘get a grip’

It’s not just the channel, the NHS – get a grip, Inflation – get a grip, energy costs – get a grip.

One for Ron, Salma Hayek – get a grip

Apart from the last one I hate that fucking phrase!

Mirror Link.

Nominated by : Sick of it

Dead Pool [300]

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Congratulations to wanksock who has correctly predicted that the former Harrods owner and Fulham owner.Mohamed Al Fayed would be the next famous face to conk out.Al Fayed was 94 and will perhaps be best remembered for various legal cases relating to investigating the circumstances surrounding the death of his son and heir Dodi and Princess Diana.

On to Deadpool 300

The rules:

1)Pick 5 famous cunts you think will conk out next.No duplicates and it is first cone first serve.You can always be a cunt and steal someone elses nominations from the previous pool.

2)Anyone who nominates the worlds oldest man or woman is a cunt who we wi ll ignore.

3)It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4) No swapping picks mid pool unless already taken first.

5)Hits are awarded based on chronology of death reporting not necessarily chronology of death.

Fabrizio Romano

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Fabrizio Romano, football journalist and transfer ‘guru’, deserves a cunting.

God I hate this cunt so much. I hate his annoying catchphrase. I hate the way he shamelessly retweets his own tweets from a few hours ago to farm interactions. I hate the way he tries to appear ‘cool’ and pander to the 12 year old Football Twitter crowd.

Even his sentence structure bugs me. OK, he’s reliable most of the time but that doesn’t make him any less of a cunt.

People like David Ornstein are far more professional yet don’t receive anywhere near as much attention.

https://twitter.com/FabrizioRomano

Nominated by : OpinionatedCunt.

Middle Age Hair Growth

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I’m teetering towards my mid 50s and having some decidedly odd side effects.

My eyebrows are starting to make me look like a Gallagher brother,
My nostrils have filled with hair,
But most worrisome the tops of my ears have sprouted furry points
Like a lynx.

What’s the evolutionary advantage of a middle age removal man having furry Vulcan ears?!!

Now I’m not one of those male grooming puffs.
As many of you know I sport a beard that would guarantee me a walk on part in the Hobbit.
But that’s by choice
I have control over that.
So what else is in-store for me?
A tail?
Will I moult in summer?
Am I more prone to ticks an fleas?
How did Lon Chaney deal with this?
Luckily vanity isn’t one of my failings.

Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt

Danniella Westbrook [4]

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For the avoidance of doubt, let me say from the outset that I don’t really have an issue with the fair Danniella. No, this is less of a cunting and more of a plea.

Please dear, just disport yourself less in front of the camera. I don’t want to see pictures of you ‘channeling your inner Marilyn Monroe’, or trying to recreate iconic Pam Anderson moments from ‘Baywatch’ (Jesus). I’m pretty certain that not many other people do either.

In particular I most certainly don’t want to see pictures of your latest boob job. Frankly to a tit man like myself they’re more than a bit offputting.

It’s not a good look, so cover up and stay away from the camera, there’s a good girl. Frankly, you’d be doing yourself as much of a favour as you would the rest of us.

The Sun Link.

Nominated by : Ron Knee