Classic film remakes

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How dare they. They are classics, they’ll always be classics; they may be classically good, they may be classically cheesy or they might even be so classically bad they come out the other side as classically brilliant. Here’s my selection of originals that have been duplicating mincer:

The Day the Earth Stood Still
12 Angry Men
The Flight of the Phoenix
High Noon
The Italian Job
The Day of the Jackal
The Ladykillers

And The Railway Children. How could they take the daughter from the original and have her as the mother in the remake? Does that count as incest? “Daddy. My daddy.” One of the best cinematographic moments ever. Add Brief Encounter to the list. kinell! A very sad old Cunt am I.

I’ll tell you what it is. Some brainless degree in media studies halfwit with access to more dollars than taste decides the original made money, so, with his genius input the remake must make more money. No you funking brain dead cunt the original made money because people liked it. I’m sure you erstwhile Cunters will have exceptions, but this is a Cunting in defence of those that are not here to defend themselves. Fuck me! I’m so sad I can pick up the dialogue no matter where you drop me into the Ladykillers, I love: the characters, post war London scenes, steam engines, the rollicking good script, actors with training and presence, the wacky -could only be British- premise and most of all the gentle violence. One little old lady and five hardened criminals, what could possibly go wrong. The others have had similar sad butchering and it’s just not good enough. Cue Bouncing ball and:

♫ We are the boys and girls all known as,
Minors of the ABC……………..♫

Just wait for The Madness of George Washington . The Cunts are fucking stupid enough.

A grumpy old dinosaur of a Cunt I might be, but at least I’m not a:

Classic film butchering Cunt.

Nominated by: King Cnut

Nicola Sturgeon [5]

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Time to re-cunt the repugnant Nicola Sturgeon who is now demanding a second independence referendum unless David Cameron reverses his welfare cuts and halts plans to renew Trident.

What was that about the previous referendum “settling the issue for a generation” you hypocritical cunt…?

The people of Scotland are reportedly referring to Sturgeon as a “national treasure” (and regulars on here know that is code for “cunt”). Personally I think national treasures should be treated the same way as any kind of treasure – bury it in a field in Lincolnshire and let Phil Harding dig it up and wank over it in two thousand years time.

Nominated by: Fred West

The Corrs

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The Corrs are cunts…

Described by those cunts at the Daily Mirror as ‘making a comeback with a dramatic new look…’ They look the fucking same as they did the last time they were about…

But their real cuntitude is in their ‘music…’ Insipid, watered down bollocks… A dreadful Frankenstein type monster of crappy soft AOR, the sort of shite that is perfect for chick-flick soundtracks and dreadful ‘diddly diddly’ bogtrotter violin bllocks on every fucking track they do… Their ‘cover’ of Fleetwood Mac’s, ‘Dreams’ is one of the biggest and smelliest turds ever committed to vinyl or CD….

They are cunts…

Nominated by: Norman

The Royal British Legion

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RBL

I would like to nominate the British Legion for a total cunting.

You would think it difficult to cunt off such a fine and outstanding organisation however as a member I would like to state my case.

The legion was founded at the end of the first world war and has made a lot of precedence on that particular war and its veterans to the almost exclusion of other veterans from other conflicts (and trust me there has been a fair few since then).

To whit with the above, with my legion magazine I seem to be inundated with offers for incontinence pads, rubber pants, lap trays, plastic tat, hearing aids, commemorative plates, in fact every conceivable item that I would expect to find in a charity shop or residential home. In fact since stepping down from active service I have been targeted with these mailshots to the extent that I actually wonder how I managed to do the job with my leaky bladder, joint pain, deafness, poor eyesight and bowel issues!

Seeing that this has been going on since I was 32 I would like to cunt the legion for its shit marketing department.

Nominated by: Lord Benny

Poppy Nazis

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I nominate the fucking Poppy Nazis Cunts (oxymoron intended), who feel so morally outraged at a shite (but still fuckable) actress for not wearing a poppy on tv.

Surely the selfless generation that fought and died for freedom that are remembered and celebrated by the poppy, did so so that their descendants would have the personal freedom of choice to do what the fuck they like, within reason. Have these zealots got fuck all better to do than shout ‘Disrespect’ at the top of their lungs.

On a par with Griefjackers, cunts!

Nominated by: Lord Flashcunt