People who spend thousand of pounds and expend countless hours of their time covering their houses with Christmas lights are complete and utter cunts.
Get a fucking life!
Nominated by: Dioclese
Santa Claus [3]
It is true! Santa is a cunt!
If he could be bothered to do his job properly he wouldn’t have to use cunts like Yodel and the Post Office, so stuff would arrive on Xmas morning as its supposed to, saving us all the hassle of spending 45 mins on hold to finaly get hold of some young wanker that can’t be arsed and doesn’t give a fuck only to find yourself talking to a fucking telephonic abyss and then having to start again listening to fucking greensleeves and your call is important to us before being diverted to fresh pesh from Bangladesh who you then get cut off from,so you give up……
So santa is a cunt. The one thing he has to do and he fucks it up!
Nominated by: Fuglyucker
The McDonald’s Christmas Ad
Speaking of Christmas adverts, that fucking McDonalds advert. Jesus Christ! What a family of irritating cunts.
“Dad, why are you so grumpy?!” squeals one of little shits in the back of the car. If that was me I would pull the car over, grip the wheel tighter than my Mrs’ arsehole and calmly explain ” I’m grumpy because I’ve created the worst domestic unit known to man. You shits and your mother are such a disappointment to me that I’ve been spending most of my evenings indulging in smack and having sex with the local street walkers. I hate every fiber of your beings”.
I would then systematically shoot each one of them in the face. Leaving that fucking little fuck pig-boy till last so I could see the despair that the child locks had put onto his chubby shitty face, then delicately kiss him on the forehead and whisper in his ear “Like Wizard do you, you camp cunt?”, then put the twats brains over the back window.
Well, that would be what I would do anyway. Merry Christmas.
Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto
Christmas Chefs
Chefs at Xmas. They’ll all be at it soon -kitchens that look like a grotto, a dozen friends and the token black everything perfect with Bing or Nat singing in the background and to complete the merriment a seasonal cook book, available at all good book retailers, or your local charity shop boxing day, or poundland -buy one get ten free- come Easter.
Never do a good recipe for reindeer stuffed with assorted Santa and Elf sweetmeats do they?
Oh fucking joy unbound.
Cunts.
Nominated by: King Cunt
Amazon at Christmas
Just think of poor little Jonny on Xmas day, he rushes down to the tree to see if Santa has been and delivered his Xbox, he has been a good boy all year, he wrote his letter to Santa and cannot contain his excitement…
He rushes down the stairs, “has he been? has he been?” he proclaims…
Under the tree is nothing, not one present. Jonny cannot work this out, he had been a good boy.
He asks his MUm, “Why did Santa not come?”
“Jonny”, she replies, “he uses Royal Mail & Yodel to deliver his presents,” “and they have not arrived. Remember when you wrote to santa on-line in September, asking for an Xbox?”
“Yes mummy”
“Well everything is on-line now, even Santa’s deliveries come from the magical elfs’ factory, known as Amazon. He does not guarantee delivery by Xmas”
Happy fucking Christmas Jonny!
Nominated by:Boaby