I know I will be called a cunt myself for cunting this windbag, but enough is enough.

A cunting is long overdue for this self-important, smug, self righteous broadcaster and “politician”, who seems to think he is the vicars knickers in the world of politics.

In his early days he did do a lot to encourage Brexit, let’s admit it, but these days he is so busy being a broadcaster and game show contestant, he is just another here today, gone tomorrow political minnow, afraid to get into the shark infested waters of British politics – even though the competition is far from first rate – Sunak and Starmer. He is the male equivalent of Anna Soubry, and just as repulsive.

Despite so much anticipation, the shit-stained old loudmouth decided yesterday not to stand for “Reform” (perhaps a tacit admission that third parties stand fuck all chance in the first past the post system), and is instead going to help The Donald. Clearly he doesn’t understand that Americans. especially, do not like foreigners interfering in their political affairs (who does?).

I am sure turfing out senile old Joe is a job Donald Trump could do with one hand tied behind his back. Farage should but out, go and put his Max Factor on and carry on carrying on on the telly. Either that or just fuck off.

politico

Nominated by W C Boggs.

I saw an article about this today on a news website. We should all ensure we have at least three days worth of tins of food that can be consumed cold, and don’t forget you will need a tin opener as well (sigh). Stock up on necessary items such as wet wipes ( I thought these were bad for the environment though? ) and torches, because candles and matches could be dangerous.

It went on to say that some sort of pandemic drill is going to take place next summer involving many thousands of people. The mobile phone alarm to warn you of imminent disaster is going to be reintroduced. We need to be ready for an emergency at all times, it said.

This is of course absolutely nothing to do with mind control and keeping people in a constant state of fear, so we can be all grateful when they tell us it is safe to come out again and “have our freedom back”. I’m just waiting for the queues of dullards at the supermarkets again , buying 5 years worth of tinned beans and bogrolls.

There seem to be plenty of real present dangers about that they could turn their attention to, if they were so minded..

What a complete bag of unmitigated cunting shite.

Sly News.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

Once upon a time, many moons ago, I was on an internal flight with Southwest Airlines in the States. I ordered a drink, which was accompanied by a packet of dryroasted peanuts. Amazingly, the packet bore the legend; ‘Caution; contains nuts’. I mean, who could possibly have worked that out by themselves?

On another occasion in the States, we got pizzas to go. On the box it stated ‘open box before eating pizza’. Then the was the Heinz Ketchup bottle which had ‘serve on food’ in big letters on the front label. Honest. As Yoda would say, ‘I shit you not’.

Everywhere you go, you encounter these statements of the bleeding obvious; instructions for idiots. You get in a lift at ground level, and press for level three. A disembodied voice then tells you ‘doors closing, lift going up’. No fucking shit. You buy a tube of haemorrhoid cream and the label shrieks ‘for external use only; do not consume!’. Well I don’t know about you, but I always thought it tasted good spread on toast. When I was working, we got this ‘health and safety’ shit circulated, and one thing it strongly advised was ‘wear sensible clothing and shoes’. As cunters will appreciate, I was immediately driven to forego my cherished fishnet stockings and stilettos.

This kind of persistent nannying has always driven me nuts, but this morning I came across possibly the most ludicrous ‘statement of the obvious’ instruction ever. I’ve got to go in for an operation soon (which I fervently hope proves to be completely routine) and received the usual information pack to prepare me about what to expect. Included in this was a leaflet about the benefits of getting up and moving about during your stay in hospital. Fair enough, you might think, but it contains this absolute gem; ‘if you have a urinary catheter, you can still be active. Just always remember to take the catheter with you’.

Fuck me sideways. Thanks for that. While you’re about it, why not advise us always to ensure that we’ve got our heads screwed on when we stroll up and down the ward?

pwdirect

Nominated by Ron Knee.