Woman so preoccupied with her FaceCunt account she fails to realise when her half-dunked biscuit drops into her tea.

A Dad so preoccupied with Twatter on his mobile he doesn’t realise he’s pissing milk all over from the babies bottle as he’s shaking it.

A woman so engrossed in her Mum’s Net forum she can’t be arsed to switch off the battery operated squeaking child’s toy, instead – without looking – sticks a cushion on top of it.

“Renew your tax credits online any time day or night. We’re ready when you are.”

— OR —

You could say: “Too fucking idle to drag your bastard eyes away from social meejah? No problem, get free money from the Govt!”

I don’t mean to pooh-pooh tax credits because childcare – even up ‘ere in the grimm north is eye-watering – but for fuck’s sake make the recipients look even 1/2 interested!

Or make it really realistic, show a “peaceful” cunt with a xylophone of kids counting their windfall for have 8 little bomb-makers on the nashy which is netting them £2,500 pcm gratis from our dullard system!

Cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

‘So begins the treacherous journey for the male ants as they mount their Ajiba leaves and prepare to paddle towards the Spanish coast.

On arrival, the Umgawa ants perform a spectacular dance of dominance over the host. With erratic limb movements, reminiscent of territorial primates, coupled with unintelligible chanting, the ants prey on the submissive nature of its host before consuming it.’

(From The Lost Planet, series 2, ‘The Umgawa ant’).

Monkeys round a monolith. It can’t be that hard can it? A couple of ships and helicopters. And maybe a few mines for the stragglers, just in case…

Cunt out.

Nominated by BillyBob

Dentists are robbing Cunts.

I had to go and get a wisdom tooth removed. It was fucking horrific. Even though the Cunt swore that I wouldn’t be able to feel much after the anesthetic,he was wrong. I was in agony and it was only the fact that he’d clamped what looked suspiciously like a set of Stilsons onto my tooth stopped me from punching him in his beetroot-red face and running out of the door. The Cunt was sweating so hard that it actually dripped on me as he wrestled with the recalcitrant tooth,and when he announced that he was going to have to stop and have a breather for a minute, I was literally speechless.

After a good 10 minutes of the whole side of my face creaking an groaning,he eventually got it out. Unfortunately a combination of painkillers,shock, bleeding and swelling prevented me from telling the butcher just what I thought of him. I await his bill with interest,I rather suspect that he’ll await it’s payment with hope rather than expectation.

Fuck him.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

I would also like to give dentists a hefty cunting. Most of us know that a vast majority of dentists are Indians and the like; who are as tight as a nun’s chuff. However, they are not so tight when it comes to handing out the bill for the work they’ve done on your gnashers. Half the time you don’t bloody need it and it costs an arm and a leg. Even a check up is about twenty quid. You only have to lie in a fucking chair for about half a minute before they tell you to bugger off.

A while back, I had a routine check up. I was then informed by the mutton muncher that I needed to have a crown inserted as a filling had apparently fallen out. I told her it wasn’t causing me any bother. She wouldn’t have it. I agreed to it as not to cause a Larry David type scene. Ended up costing me 200 odd quid and then it came loose. Cost nearly as much to have it re-done. Now I look like a shite wannabe gangsta with a load of gold in me mouth. What a load of fleecing hadji bastards. Fucking extortion; fuck the dentist.

Nominated by Jayniño