I´ve never liked the Rolling Stones particularly Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. One of the reasons was because I never understood how two Englishmen – one lower middle class and the other upper middle class – could spend their whole lives fantasizing that they were Blind Willie McTell slaves from the southern United States singing the blues after a hard day picking cotton and being whipped by the overseers.

My life-long antipathy was confirmed when I switched on a Netflix programme called “Keith Richards Under the Influence”. It starts with a quote of such banality – “Life´s a funny thing you know” – that even Prince Charles would have sneered at it. Keith is obviously so spaced out that all he seems to do is chuckle at his own remarks.

At one point he “sings”, “I love my sugar but I love my honey too. I´m a greedy motherfucker and I don´t know what to do.”

Ever heard of retirement Keith?

Nominated by: Mr Polly

Keef Richards is a cunt…

I know Jagger gets all the bad press and a lot of fans blame Mick for turning the Stones into a brand or a corporation… But Keef can also be a cunt and his double standards are quite something… Richards is almost entirely reluctant to credit or acknowledge Brian Jones… Keef , at the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall Of Fame, paid tribute to Ian Stewart (and said that the Stones was Stu’s band), but he did not mention Jones (Jagger, however, did thank Brian on the night)…

Keith still insists that Stu founded the Rolling Stones by himself, when everyone else (Bill Wyman, Charlie Watts, Andrew Oldham, Glynn Johns, and even Stu himself) said that Jones formed the band and was their leader in the early days… Keef also never shuts up about how Brian took an extra five quid earnings as ‘band leader’ in the early days, yet he has ‘no regrets’ about going with the predatory Allen Klein or waxing lyrical about dodgy customers and unpleasant people like Tony Sanchez and Freddie Sessler… He views them (and other two bit thugs, smackheads, and dealers) as ‘characters’ but he views Jones as a cunt… Jones was (according to Keef) a rotting attachment, but he loves talking about doing cold turkey with his beloved Gram Parsons?…

That Ry Cooder taught him open G tuning story in 1968 is also bollocks… People around at the start (Dick Taylor, Paul Jones, James Phelge, Dick Hattrel) all say that Brian Jones taught Keith open G, only Brian did it on a slide guitar… Ian Stewart and Mick Taylor also complained about never getting any credit in the Stones when it was due… They, alongside Brian and Bill, are part of a very exclusive club… Former Stones road manager Sam Cutler summed it up: ‘People don’t realise what -to put it bluntly – what cold cunts Mick and Keith can be… You serve your purpose then that’s it.. It’s like you suddenly don’t exist’….

Nominated by Norman