Lawyers. Cunts to a man, woman and non-gender specific entity.

Millenia ago when Hamurabi set out the first laws there was undoubtedly some sliimeball, Babylonian chancer thinking ‘Hmm. They seem straightforward enough. How can I fuck them up and overcomplicate the system?’ The first lawyer was born.

Now we have them in all aspects of life.
Fallen over on the way to the Jobcentre? No win no fee will sort it out.
Illegal immigrant rapist? Don’t worry, a lawyer will look after your Yewman Rights.
Buying a house? A lawyer will get his secretary to do the work and charge you an eye-watering sum.
Divorce? A lawyer will ensure your assets are split 3 ways – you, spouse and the lawyer.
Possible libel in Russia? London is the world centre for libel tourism where an army of grasping, overcharging reptiles will take the case.
NHS made a mess of your tattoo removal? No win, no fee are there to fleece the taxpayer.
Whiplash from an engineered or non existent car crash? You know where to go.

There are multi layers of courts to go to, each more expensive than the last, each with it’s own overpaid charlatans and all existing to line the pockets of parasites.

If you are not swayed by any of the above, let me give you just 2 names:-

Cherie and Tony Blair.

I rest my case.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

I try not to use the works toilet for obvious reasons, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

This morning it was touching and go.

Once in the cubicle after wiping the loose toilet seat and letting free my giant turf l had the pleasure of cleaning my poop chute with what was more or less your finest sandpaper.
At the end my piles had lost a layer or two of skin and it had flattened all spots on my bottom..

From now on I’ll bring my own shit paper.

Nominated by Mince pie guy

ENGLAND! I suppose it is out of order to cunt a whole country but can I say, it appears to me to be most definitely fucked and well on the way to cuntdom. I am just back from a few weeks in the still quite green but now not so pleasant land that I left 40 years ago to emigrate to Australia. Admittedly I was only in Birmingham and the Midlands generally but I think that was a good representation.

Whilst I had a great time I did find it quite depressing at times to see just how much things seem to have changed for the worse. The weather was not very good but Birmingham just seemed so damp and depressing.Sure, they have revitalised the city center but some of the suburbs….fuck me, the litter in some places would put a Mumbai slum to shame. Chicken shops and Burger joints everywhere and crowds of “yoofs “on every corner. More burquas than Kabul, more deep tans than Kingston Jamaica and more mosques than Saudi Arabia and in some suburbs hardly any Anglo Saxon appearing people. Almost all of the people I met, when I told them I had emigrated years ago all said the same thing. “I wish I had, this country is fucked “.

Another thing, all of the pavements have “Acne “……..Singapore did the right thing when they banned chewing gum. What a blight those dark spots are, every 6 inches or so. And don’t start me on the dog shit and beggars on every corner and in every doorway in the city center. Broad Street Birmingham on a Friday night was like a hookers convention as streams of hen parties competed to see who could get pissed the quickest. Quite entertaining though as I watched pretty, scantily clad young things puking their guts up in the gutter.

Now, I aint saying Australia is perfect but fuck me, it is a lot better than the country I used to love. Not much to love there now I am sad to say.

Nominated by Grumpy Old Cunt