Old Cunts in Cars (how topical)

So the Dook has mangled a top orf the range Land Rover and got away with it apart from a pool orf Royal shite in his pants – but whichever cunter has him in The Pool, their tender heart must be beating pitter pat…and they are glued to the news. Bit like a sub plot with a cliff hanger ending to revitalise a flagging East Enders. Brexit has gone to shite so lets all focus orn the Dook, end orf.

Meanwhile what is largely going under the radar is the geriatric carnage orf collisions, blood, piss and shit going orn on our roads. Speak as an old cunt meself who has never taken a test but whose method orf driving has never let him doine yet – gun me old Bentley up to max, leave it orn overdrive orn the steering column, all headlamps orn full blast and let the other fuckers get oit the way. Works for me.

Have seen some frighteners over the years, old cunts coming at me orn the wrong side orf the road and hooting me, Yours Truly. Me bumpers get them cunts orf the road double quick. Came oit into the car park orf Waitrose once to find another old cunt repeatedly reversing between a wall bang and other car bang. Mincers at Waitrose – what a fucking shower – not a clue what to do, old cunt refused to stop or get oit so wedged a shopping trolley under his back end. Hauled el cunto oit who was as mad as hell, took his keys and left him aiming kicks at the mincers. His motor stunk like a rancid ladyboy’s jock strap and the foam in the driving seat was squishy with old man’s piss. Lovely. Started the motor up and immediate lurch stall. Tried agin’, same thing then clocked it was an Italian auto box and all was not well. Took all me considerable heft orn the pedal (and YT is not a small man) to shift it and get any sort orf gear and there was no way orf knowing which other than let it lurch backwards or forwards.

El cunto starts yelling at me not to drive it that way but put it in D, forget R and accelerate like the bejusus then jump orn the brake. Bugger me that sort orf worked and eventually got the motor (fucking ancient Fiat) oit the bay and into the road. Old cunt was happy as larry and pissed orf max revs catching a few more motors on his way oit. YT was knackered after all that and I mean knackered, sweating buckets, groin strained and me old hernia popping oit. Bastard. Cap it all me hands were covered in some rancid sweaty cheesey fuck from the steering wheel.

Naturally Old Bill then show up after the event having been called by the mincers and try and do me! Sort that oit double quick but salutary lesson learnt. One old cunt should never get involved in the miserys or misfortunes orf another old cunt. Let them go to fuck. Every man for himself in this life. Oh and many a story on this subject but not got all night cunts.

Nominated by Sir Limply

I would like to cunt DESTROYS videos on YouTube. You know the type – Ben Shapiro DESTROYS leftist, Jordan Peterson DESTROYS insane feminist, Jacob Rees Mogg DESTROYS arrogant Remoaner. Really? Is this kind of cringeworthy circlejerk REALLY what we are doing to counter the menace of political correctness and regressivism? All these videos are just part of a masturbatory, self-congratulatory circlejerk which just serves to enforce the echo chamber mentality instead of alerting people who aren’t more aware of the very real problems that we face as a result of regressivism to what’s going on. Because less politically inclined people see this kind of shit and think ‘oh, these people are arrogant, know-it-all assholes – i don’t want anything to do with them.’ And the channels who contribute to it – You Kipper, Patriotic Populist, Earthling Carl etc – are, in that regard, a part of the problem, not the solution.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

Ok a juicy cunting for Owen Jones.

My reason for yet another cunting for this horrible shit is this video:

Watch it, but you need to make it past 5 minutes and his pathetic little piece where he seems totally unaware that calling everyone who disagrees with him a fascist is a childish argument. However he loves childish arguments as the rest of the video shows. He goes on about the rise in fascism (his word for honest people not what you and I would call fascist), and how the Conservative Party somehow created it all, because of course nobody apart from him can think for themselves etc.

It’s a This Week video; Portillo, Neal and guest proceed to make him look stupid by speaking the truth, nothing new there then.

But look at the way the oily tick conducts himself. He’s like a frustrated teenager at college constantly interrupting the class because he’s delusional. It’s embarrasing.

But even more, and a point I have made many times, he is so much like the parody character Ollie Plimsolls from the League of Gentleman series that it’s amazing. Just have a look at this video, just the first in a google search.

His mannerisms, the way he speaks, the underlying resentment and bitterness, it’s all there!

Owen Jones is so much of a cunt that a parody of a cunt is accidentally and frighteningly highly accurate.

Nominated by Cunting Rank Wags

Another day, and another non-political nomination, that also happens to be local to me. This time, I’m nominating miserable cunts who take offence at the most irrelevant shit, and phone plod to complain. Just read in the Daily Fail about a pub a couple of miles away from my house called the Sportsman. This pub has a Cuban restaurant, apparently because the pub’s landlord is married to a Cuban woman. In one of the windows on the first floor, the have, or rather HAD, a Cuban flag with an image of Che Guevara printed on it. I say had, because they recently had a visit from aforementioned plod, (a licensing officer no less), because some nappy wearing miserable cunt phoned up to that they were offended by the sight of Che on a flag.

Now, unlike a lot of people, who consider Guevara to be a revolutionary hero, I consider him to be an evil, homicidal psychopath. I don’t particularly agree with seeing his image plastered all over t-shirts, mugs, posters, etc. And I often wonder how many are aware of how many people Guevara and his chum, Castro, murdered in the name of their own idea of a socialist utopia. And how many would actually care? That said, despite the fact I hated seeing the image of that cunt every time I drove past, I never once considered phoning plod to complain that it offended me. Instead, I accepted that the landlord of the Sportsman and his wife were expressing their right to freedom of speech and freedom of expression. That’s because I’m what is commonly known as, ‘a rational adult’.

2018 especially has been the year of the snowflake, but this kind of shit has been going on for years. People complaining about England flags and Union flags being racist, people complaining about gollywogs, fucking dolls, being racist. People complaining that someone with sense took the piss because the offended cunt thinks biology is a lie, and that there are actually five thousand genders. And that males can have periods. I really hope that 2019 will be the year that people with common sense will get into power and tell all the snowflakes to shut the fuck up, and grow the fuck up. Unfortunately, that won’t happen, because the vast majority of our political class are snowflake cunts too.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw