Dead Pool (136)

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Congratulations to Prime Minister Sinister who correctly predicted WWE legend Harley Race would be next to shuffle off this mortal coil.

On to Deadpool 136:

Rules:

1).No duplicates are allowed.You can always be a cunt and steal a previous nomination like Black and White Cunt frequently does.Anyone who picks the world’s oldest man or woman is a cunt and will be ignored.

2)You are allowed 5 picks.It is first come first serve.

3)It must be a newsworthy cunt.

My Picks (Shaun) :

Valerie Harper
Fernando Ricksen
David Gulpilil
Juliette Kaplan
Clive James

The BBC (08)

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The BBC are still cunts…

The Bastard Brainwashing Corporation came out with this gem today: ‘Some Women’s Super League matches will be “double-headers” with men’s games next season’….

This translates as follows: “We will force this upon you cunts! Whether you like it or not! And as it’s on the BBC you will be forced to pay for it! Resistance is useless!”

Fuck the PC obsessed BBC cunts! Fuck them to fucking hell!

Nominated by Norman

The Nanny State

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According to the Big Beeb the government plans to restrict new drivers from driving at night due to “safety” concerns.
I’m sorry, but what a load of bollox.

How the fuck is wee little millennial Dave supposed to do his night shift down fucking Asda, earning his piss poor living to pay for his shit working class life?
Take public transport? Then he may ask what was the fucking point of getting my fucking licence, spending potentially into the thousands to obtain the privilege!

Also how the fuck are new drivers supposed to gain confidence in driving in any condition, IF YOU BAN THEM FROM FUCKING DOING IT?! Absolutely farcical. This doesn’t seem to benefit anyone! Wait, scrub that shit… I bet our beloved insurance companies are rubbing their hands together in near ecstatic joy, as they’ll charge these poor assholes even more money due to their “inexperience”

In this process, we are also creating another make believe bogus crime for the Police force.
Sorry, Dorothy can’t come over and stop pervy Pete from robbing and buggering you…. a young driver is minding his own beeswax on his way to work. WHAT A CUNTING CRIMINAL HE IS.

Absolute bloody joke.

Nominated by Cuntoxed

Stupid Names (2)

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Daft names are tedious, aren’t they?

Malia
Autumn
Mercedes
Chardonnay
Summer

The midwife must be as bemused as when you mistype into a search engine. “Serendipity? Did you mean Susan?”
What in fuckity were the parents imbibing?

However, it’s not just the ladies. These gentlemen haven’t rushed for the Deedpoll applications:

Keanu
Moon Unit
Barrack
Chucka

Then there are the foreign ones:
“Is there a Oisin Tadgh here?”
“Ah, to be sure, it’s pronounced Usheen Tig!”
?
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
“Name?”
“M’tangalay Gwan-cho’ Ooga-Dooga.”
“Erm…could you spell that?”
“You ISS a ray-CIST. Am gonna amake a COM-plaint.”
“…And this huge, old woman next to you with no teeth and who must be allergic to bathing, is it your grandma?”
“Dat be my wife. Her called Serendipity.”

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

The BBC Website

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The BBC Website. Specifically the website on this occasion por favor admin.

We all know that The Mail, The Graun, The Mirror and all rags inbetween now consider journalism to be the lazy ‘repeat what is on Twitter’ and spin it accordingly. Proper investigative journalism is rare; but then these newspapers and their websites are paid for by people happy enough with their output to keep purchasing and subscribing. They might be shit, they might be low-brow but people in their target demographics are happy to pay for them in spite of this.

The BBC Website on the other hand is subsidised by the British public. It is an enforced tax imposed upon all citizens without any choice.

Bearing that in mind, please marvel at the home page headlines at the current time of writing (2019-07-12; 09:30):-

‘Tourists Across the UK Head to the Biggest Primark in the World’

‘It Takes a Strong Person to Attend Their Own Funeral’

‘Can Anyone Hear Tom Livesey Scream in Space?’

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race UK Reveals New Celebrity Guest Judges’

‘Why You Should Never Mess With an Ostrich’

‘Would You Drink Camel Milk?’

‘Is It Ever OK to Break ‘Girl Code”?

‘Why Picnics Were Seen as a Status Symbol’

‘The Authors Behind a New Book Championed by Stormzy’

‘Can You Guess Your Netball Position Based on Phone Habits?’

I mean, what more needs to be said. The only thing I use the BBC website for is the weather forecast. The rest of the site is pure, unadulterated cunt.

Nominated by The UMPIRE Cunts Back