Kids Parties

At what point did a kids 4th birthday party change from being a small gathering of elderly relatives and some jelly, to a hall with disco, magician and three dozen of the little fuckers?
The missus normally takes our lad (seemingly weekly) to these fuckers, but I had to go this week. The party must have cost £500…for a fucking 4yr old!
Then you have to sit for two or three hours with parents you don’t know and pretend to be friendly with. Plus, there are no yummy mummies to ogle as they all seem to have let themselves go after having a brat. A 4yr old needs jelly, blancmange, shit toy and a couple of mates to kick the crap out of.

He does not need a disco and a fucking wizard.

Nominated by Cuntakinty

49 thoughts on “Kids Parties

  1. The photo look like it was taken at the summer party of the Anna Soubry Quintet, with her and Chris Leslie and Slubberguts Gapes enjoying lots and lots of jelly and cakes and talking like they do in the Harino adverts – baby talk shit coming out of adult mouths. Diane Abbott played the bouncy castle.

    • Lammy could be a human piñata – I would join in with some glitter on a cricket bat.

      • He’s a jovial looking fella Mike Gapes. Like fucking Mr Kipiling. ‘Oh, Ms Soubry, how are this fine morning good lady? ‘About my daily tasks good Sir”Trying to fuck over Brexit’. He even talks like him in that whispery way. Or Mr Pickwick. Dickens started out as a parliamentary reporter. What the fuck he would have made of the present day assorted freaks and weirdos I don’t know. I’m not sure even with his literary skills could do justice these cunts.

  2. Nice one Cuntakinty – cuntings don’t come much more deserved or better than this one!

  3. Balloons, plastic hats, plastic cups, plastic straws, unrecyclable wrapping paper…….imagine all the damage that is doing to the planet? No, i’m sorry, these parties must all be banned to save the planet. After all, it’s their future we are talking about, the soft, overindulged, spoiled rotten, horrible, selfish little shitbags.
    So says Saints Bonio, Goboff and Greta of Thunderbirds and I, for one, agree with them.

  4. Their child-benefits should be withdrawn immediately.If they can afford parties,they don’t need leach any more of my tax-money. Their toys should also be confiscated and sold off to pay their debt for fiddling.

    Fuck Off.


    • PS…why isn’t their a Dark Key whelp in the photo? Hardly representative of a Modern vibrant Britain without,is it?….Racist Bastards.

      • I actually once got into bother for telling a small child,just before Christmas,that Santy wouldn’t be coming because I’d knocked him down in the Hilux on my way back from the Pub. I meant it as a joke but the kiddie didn’t half kick-off,the parents weren’t too chuffed either.
        Fucking Snowflakes.

  5. And how many of these parties force children to consume sausage rolls, pies, pastries and other non vegan foods? Pure poison being pumped into their bodies and destroying the future of the world. It’s a disgrace! Besides , these young comrades should be out on the streets fighting the Nazi Johnson racist junta.
    No time for fucking parties.

  6. That photo was probably taken a few years ago Dick. Dark keys aren’t very photogenic and in black and white they look like the negative. All this shit comes from across the pond. How can we have an Island that has thousands of years of history that has become a nodding dog, and is morphing into the US.

    • Bang on Rob, and its Halloween next. I’m sure there will be a 2 month run up of advertising and the invention of the Halloween greeting card is probably on it’s way. The US is a fucking virus that spreads and infects everywhere else.

  7. Mr Fiddler makes a good point about the lack of effnick bruvvers. This is obviously a white supremacist gathering, masquerading as a children’s party. The little fascist in the middle is wearing the robes of a junior Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.
    Just pointing out the obvious.

    • Jon Snow has just remarked that he’s never seen so many white faces in one place….he’s most upset. Channel 4 are going to do a special on how Johnson and Trump are poisoning the minds of “the Wee Ones”

      • Perhaps Snow should do what that Rosanna Arquette twat did, and apologise unreservedly for being white, rich and privileged!

        Come on, Jon, do the honorable thing and give up your entitlements, your homes and influence, and fuck off to Leyton for a couple of years!

  8. I fucking hate kids. They could always get Rolf Harris in to entertain and Paul Gadd to do some singing… Jimmy Saville would have been great!

    • Still got Beiber locked in your “Man-Cave”, Krav?….Good,best place for the Cunt.

      • Never you mind about what Justin and I get up too!

        However, I will need to pop out for some more WD40 and some gaffer tape….

      A surprise guest appearance by Danny Tetley,no less, in what surely must be one of his last performances, for a while at least. Apart from singing into some big pink microphones in the clink.

  9. Moreover, we should not assume the “young persons” (not children) in the photo are made up of boys and/or girls, because that would be highly offensive of course.

    Instead, we must be open minded and remember that these “young persons” (not children) are in early transitional development of their gender realignment awareness.

    Therefore any cards and presents that at one used to stereotypically pigeon hole a “young person” (not child) as a male or female, should be discouraged and the senders of such offensive items should be tied up and flogged on the charge of genderphobia.

    Yours sincerely

    Islington Borough Council

  10. Lady chakrabarti. WHAT A MONUMENTAL CUNT..
    kids parties are noisy, messy, costly, full of up and coming cunts.
    What’s not to like about them..

  11. At least we know the photograph is recent as that is Owen Jones on the the left.
    Probably screaming NAZI and FAR RIGHT at the other kids.

    • Ironically, if he’s on the left in the picture, it would place him on the far right of the group. Teehee.

  12. ***Today’s PROJECT FEAR News***

    Flu EPIDEMIC expected this winter in the event of a NO DEAL Brexit…

    Has to be true, it was on Radio 4 Today programme this morning. Best we beg for another extension then.

    Meanwhile Steptoe is backing calls for anti Brexit civil unrest…

    • I notice nobody has pointed out that there was a shortage of vaccine last year when Brexit was only a vague dream. (It’s still a dream, but perhaps a tiny bit less vague).

  13. Fuck Comrade Corbyn. He is a total scum cunt. Who the fuck does he think he is demanding to see the queen. Off with His head:CUNT.

  14. I hate the one-upmanship that is associated with these horrible events. Not content with holding the event in a village hall,the cunting parents have to hire the local swimming pool (with artificial waves) just to show off!
    For the ultimate in cuntishness, how about the Hamleys sleepover party, a real bargain at around £500 per spoiled brat. Where will it end? Weekends in Ibiza?
    Fuck them all

  15. I can never understand why some fuck would give a child a whistle ? And let them blow the hell out of it for hours 🎂👎

    • Yeah, never give a brat something that makes a noise, they can hit people with or launch something at people with. Water pistols should be banned outright.

    • A lot of American women carry whistles to blow if they feel threatened……

  16. Great cunting.

    My cousin is a classic example of a parent who goes OTT in extremis when it comes to their child being a fucking year older (whoop de fuckin’ doo)

    She has not ONE celebration, but fucking THREE DAYS WORTH. It is a joke! Last year it was a trip to a show in the West End, day two was a day out at some bloody ‘fun’ assault course thing with her mates and day three was a bloody party……what a load of old cobblers. Then of course the whole shit fest is broadcast over Facebook to brag like fuck.

    To me this is all about outdoing other parents. Nothing more, nothing less. It is just not necessary to have days and days of celebrating a birthday as it firstly spoils the kid and secondly, gives them a whole load of expectation and entitlement that this indulgence is the norm in life, then when they get to adulthood they have a fucking wake up call, like most of us find!

    I hasten to add that this particular daughter of hers can be a fucking nightmare at times. Hmm….I wonder why?

    When I was a kid in the 1970’s, it was a whole ‘nother ball game. I was chuffed to bits just to have a small group of my friends over, a few fairy cakes, crisps and sandwiches, blow out the candles on my birthday cake and some cheesy party games like ‘pass the parcel’ and ‘musical chairs’……great memories.

    Thank God I was a sprog in that era and not this one. Sheer cuntery.

    • Thanks Nurse Cunty. I’m also a child of the 70s and have many happy memories of the same. You are bang on…it’s just parents going one better and looking like cunts.

      • I’m a child of the 60’s and don’t recall ever HAVING a party. Also don’t remember ever being upset by the fact.

      • I’m a child of the 50’s and I’m just about shagged out. Changed my will this week, someone got on the wrong side of me and I’ve cut them out ha ha.

    • Assasult course ? That can be done for free…
      Just bus them up to Rotherham after sunset, party organisers Mo & Ahmad will do the rest.

  17. My son used to attend a private preparatory school.

    One of his classmates had a 5th birthday party. Fathercwas an investment banker. Flash cunt. Mother a model.

    Party was at a their mansion in the country, parking was on an adjacent field which they also owned.

    Lasted all day. Magician, marquee, two separate food tents, straw bales, a band, champagne all day.

    Must have cost in well in excess of £15k for his sons birthday, probably paid for with government bail out money.

  18. I don’t wish to sound like a grumpy soul. I hate parties of all kinds particularly the noisy kind. I hate surprise parties. Picture the scene…
    I’m being a slob, sitting in underpants and curry stained T-shirt, eating bread out of the bag whilst watching telly. As ya do.
    A relative or friend rushes in.
    “You must come it’s an emergency!”
    I get up thinking it’s serious. I rush about. Then…
    Everyone’s all neatly dressed, I’m slovenly.
    Fork off ya can of can’t!!!

    Leave me be. Can’t I just slob on my day off?

  19. P.s all that oneupmanship and keeping up with the jones about parties and anything else. What’s that about? Forksake.

  20. I have got a Bar Mitzvah party to go to next month at some swanky Park Lane restaurant and I’m hoping I die before then. His parents are loaded and while they are quite nice, their friends are just a bunch of loud mouthed “look how well I’ve done” types and the women just talk about their kids’ private schools and Pilates classes while getting ratarsed on some overpriced booze. Fuck ‘em. I’d sooner have jelly and icecream and play Pass the Parcel (and I don’t even like jelly). I swerved his older brother’s party at the same venue – complete with an Ali G impersonater (WTF?!) – by temporarily dumping my other half. Don’t think I can try that again but I haven’t ruled it out.
    And now I’ve started thinking about the whole bloody thing and I’m in a bad mood. Bollocks.

    • I feel your pain, Betty.

      I went to my best friend’s Bat Mitzvah party when I was 12 and it was hell on earth. She also came from a pretty well off family and all the adult types you talk of were there, all talking piffling bollocks…..but the biggest nightmare were the kids, most of whom (naturally) were Jewish, very obnoxious and spoiled and left me out of a lot of stuff as I am not Jewish myself, so not in their ‘clique’. I couldn’t wait to go home, quite frankly. My friend was an absolute sweetheart and I remember wondering at the time how she could possibly be friends with such total cunts.

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