I used to have to read this pink rag for professional purposes but now only check it out for the cryptic crossword and the weekend edition. It has a section called “How to spend it” which is aimed at the idle rich with too much money and time on their hands so they buy up ludicrous “exclusive” articles like money clips, cigar cutters, decanters, gourmet ice cream etc. The more obscenely expensive, the better.

I´m sure ISACers will be tempted by some of the following items recommended in the latest edition: Victoria Beckham sunglasses “made in Italy with an angular diamond shape inspired by the ’70s”. These cool shades are going for a song at £279. A Saint Laurent Rive Droite tennis racket is just £430. Hang on, didn´t Saint Laurent die in 2008? It doesn´t really matter because no-one believes that Victoria Beckham actually designed her sunglasses except maybe peabrain Dave. Elizabeth Gage cufflinks, a bargain at a mere £4,560, and a Givenchy backpack, a giveaway at £2,550, complete my shopping list for the day.

Time to turn the page to Jancis Robinson´s wine column but as I have already cunted the old hag, I won´t inflict her latest dribblings on you.

Nominated by Mr Polly

The current bunch of cockwombles who run Doctor Who need a serious cunting.

Oh boy. I knew being woke meant that you were clinically insane, but I really didn’t know just how insane it would make you. Well, I’ve just read something about Dr Who that reveals it. Are you ready for this? Apparently, Russell T Davis, who according to people who don’t know that Dr Who has been in existence since the 1960’s, is the original showrunner, has retconned the show yet again. Now, as well as the Doctor not being a Timelord, HE has now had infinite regenerations, all well and good. Here’s the kicker though. The Doctor can’t just regenerate into a man or a woman now, HE can also regenerate into…..an animal. Yep, you read that right. The Doctor can regenerate into a fucking ANIMAL now. I can’t wait for the next attack by the Daleks.

“WE ARE THE SUPERIOR BEINGS…WE WILL WIPE OUT ALL LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE. YOU CANNOT STOP US, DOCTOR”.

“MOOOOOOO!”

This is so pathetic, I’m not even angry. How much coke do you have to snort to sit in that writing room and say, “Y’know what guys? Having the Doctor played by a humanoid is sooo Y2K. Why don’t we get a donkey to play the role instead? And how much do you have to snort to actually agree? Fuck the BBC.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

“Look over there, LOL!” etc

Particularly those middle class metropolitan wankers who must spend their spare time (when not taking a knee/ basket weaving/wanking over Greta Thunberg/kiddy fiddling etc), driving around city centres (particularly Londinistan), baiting motorists so they can upload confrontations on their monetised channels.
Cunts.
A classic example is “A clown
takes a pratfall” uploaded by some smarmy cunt “uphill freewheeler”.
Mods please help a cunter and insert link, please?
Uphill fucking gardener more like-the Ronnie Pickering type driver this cunt baits almost delivers summary justice, stumbling at the last. Cunt.
I once witnessed a group of young lads surrounding a couple in their 70’s at a junction. I don’t know what heinous crime against cyclists they had committed but four twenty something lads were kicking and banging the car, the brave fuckers. The couple could not pull onto the main road as it was busy and looked terrified. When I got out and remonstrated, they fucked off.
In my humble opinion, these latex clad, head cam wearing, Greta worshipping bane to the motorist deserve a thorough cunting.
I post this as a brief distraction from Kung-flu, black-lies-matter et al.
What thinks the board?

Nominated by Cuntfinder General

Be aware my friends the Elf is everywhere. The Royal Family, the politicians, the rich cunts, the slebs never stop warning us about the Elf.

Some peacefuls stab complete strangers in the street….. is this connected to their “kill all the Infidels” ideology? Of course not…..they’ve been visited by the Elf. Hate what’s happening to your country, importing cheap labour to undercut your standard of living? You have been infected by the Elf disease. Don’t like being in the queue behind the peacefuls, pikeys, trannies, poofs and lezzas? Fuck me the Elf is renting out your brain and paying fuck all.

Don’t think you can shout “ fuck off, i’m not mental, there’s fuck all wrong with my mind.” That’s exactly what mental cunts always say, everyone knows that.
Oh yes, it’s an old trick used by the Soviets, the Nazis and many other totalitarian regimes. Oppose the Establishment, ask too many questions and you get a visit from the Elf. Coming to kick your door in very soon.

Nominated by: Freddie the Frog