I nominate charity cheaters.

Now I have always had a healthy suspicion of the charity ethos. Firstly, because I doubt that most of the money ever reaches the intended recipients. And secondly, because those involved in raising money seem more interested in raising their own public profile. Especially celebs of course.

Well, covid has been charity central with every man and his dog doing something whacky like mountaineering on their stairs or sitting like a gnome in their garden for countless hours to bring their cause (and themselves) to the attention of the media. Sir Tom is an amiable exception though show-offs like Michael Ball hijacked his bandwagon.

Latest example is one Asif Amirat (as if I’m a rat) who claimed to be doing marathons around his coffee table. One a day for 100 days or so he said. He put some videos on face ache to prove his point. But they didn’t last long enough to verify his wondrous feats. And people started doing their sums and realising that nobody could do that many rounds of a coffee table in a day to match a marathon. Especially at the slouching pace Amirat moved at. Plus – he also has a full time job and young twins around the house.

In short the man is a fraud and although he raised £6000 for charidee I don’t think that excuses his cheating. He’s a cunt.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss 

Woke gamers, and those who pretend to be gamers are cunts.

I’m not a gamer myself, but I’ve been following a couple of stories on some YouTube channels that I’m subscribed to and I find them simultaneously hilarious and pathetic.

About three weeks ago, a post apocalyptic game called The Last of Us 2 was released after a fuck ton of controversy. The game was made for Sony by a company Naughty Dog. The chief designer, Neil Druckman is a woke as fuck soy boy, who took what was apparently a very popular game, killed it by making it woke and then raped the corpse.

The biggest issue that fans had, was that a much loved main character was beaten to death with a golf club, by some fucking creature called Abby that is either female or trans (jury’s still out on that), and jacked up on some serious steroids. Seriously, Arnie would be jealous of the thing’s physique. To make it worse, gamers then had to play a large portion of the game as the killer. To be fair, the game did break sales records when it was initially released (cue much gloating and celebration from the Wokewaffe), but it’s not doing so well now.

Then last week (it’s July 25th now) a game called Ghosts of Tsushima was released. It’s set in feudal Japan and by all accounts, it’s brilliant. Things were fine, until it was announced that the game’s sales had surpassed the Wokewaffe favourite and that the Japanese themselves love it and, predictably, the Wokewaffe went into meltdown.

Apparently, despite the fact the Japanese have no problem with it, the game is cultural appropriation because it was made in the US, by white people. The Japanese themselves do not escape the demented ire of the Wokewaffe, who are busy pointing out the Japanese are evil because they spent the first half of the 20th Century engaged in colonialism and being nasty.

Oh yes, and American gamers who are of oriental descent are whining that non-Japanese people are putting more stock in the opinion of actual Japanese people of a Japan based game over their own opinion. Yes, and?

Inevitably, the game is now being review bombed online, with people adding a 10/10 review for The Last of Us 2, but scores of 0/10 and 2/10 for Ghosts of Tsushima, with no reviews for other games. Hmm, nothing suspicious there. Would you like a dummy while you type your reviews? Maybe you should ask mummy to change your nappy.

Seriously, these people are fucking pathetic. Getting all upset because a non-woke game is outselling a very woke game. That’s life motherfuckers. Fucking childish cunts.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Hold the front page and stand by for some frightfully important news.

There have been some pointless publications in the past “Gardening With MIndfullness” (I kid you not), The Radio Times (each weekend when the schedule is nothing like they print), Hello, The Psychic News (“Good but not as good as next weeks issue), but surely the prize for the most risible, the most pointless wasre of trees – even more so than the Gemma Collins Bumper Book Of Diets, has to be “The New European” – I have cunted this “newspaper” once before, but this struggling tabloid (£3 an issue for those with more money than sense) has hit a new low, with their current buy-me-and-stop-one promotion offering you a “Remainer Passport Holder”:

https://www.subscriptionsave.co.uk/Newspapers/National-Newspapers/The-New-European/LTNSUM20

For fucks sake!. The snobbish holier-than-thou, I-am-more-intelligent-than-you motherfuckers who look down their North London noses at us common people don’t seem to have graspe that, legally, at least, we have already left the fucking EU.

Why don’t the publishers swallow theirpride and close this shitty rag down. If it does turn a prpfit, I’d like to know how so I could start up an equally fatuous paper like Flat Earth News.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

A long awaited cunting for the long awaited Russia report, after listening to the review by an SNP cunt and Labour cunt I thought what the fuck was it all about.

Firstly it was written Dominic (scabby chin) Grieve so you would expect that it would be a ‘smoking gun’ but sadly (for him) there wasn’t anything to suggest that Russia had any significant influence in the 2016 referendum.
The conclusion nothing was found because nobody looked, what! are they having a laugh, they assume it was there because it was in the Scottish referendum.
So the interference was probably there, maybe, perhaps, but it’s impossible to say if it had any effect.
The whole thing was put together to try to cast doubt on the 2016 result but as there was ‘nothing to see here’ they wrote a whole load of shite that was fucking obvious the deaf dumb and blind.
Social media, yes we all know about that, Russian bots
Influence in the Lords, well just scrap the old cunts, that will sort it out.
Money laundering in Londoningrad, fuck me that isn’t news it’s been going on for years,
Spies in the UK, bloody hell, everyone knows that half the embassy staff of virtually every country are actually spies and don’t tell me some of our embassy staff in other countries aren’t spies.
Cyber security, anyone who uses the internet is aware of ‘illicit activity’
Interference in elections, well I would be more concerned about the doggy postal vote racket, particularly in the peaceful community.
Russian criminals, yep along with Albanian, Jamaican, Romanian, the list goes on so why single out Russia.
RT today, if it has broken broadcasting rules take away its licence, no evidence, well leave them alone, the media in general is left so not really ‘impartial’

The cunts on the security and intelligence committee have tried to make the fucking Beano into a best seller, what a waste of time!

Nominated by: Sick of it

(In case you missed it – admin https://www.politico.eu/article/mps-russia-report-says-uk-left-brexit-referendum-open-to-kremlin-meddling/ )

More a lament than a cunting.

Found myself in Barnsley town centre the other night on Welligton Street the main thoroughfare for nightlife. ‘Digital’, ‘Volt’, ‘Secret’ the names of the pubs. If you can call them pubs.

I peered in (not open because of Covid) all three the same minimalist square tables and chairs, just painted plaster on the walls. I remember it going downhill with the ‘Pulse’, then ‘Bar One’ which was a shed.

I have almost nostalgia for the craze for theme pubs. The ‘Sportz Bar’ wasn’t bad-aerobics on the video, basketballs on the pumps. The main ‘activity’ though getting drunk. ‘Panama Joe’s’ up the riad-,’Route 66′ guitar on the wall, Elvis hits, on the bar an Indian Chief. (would that be lowed now?) ‘Mustsng Sally’s’ wasn’t bad -saloon bar doors, the place in the shape of a horseshoe.

The funniest theme pub though was ‘No Great Shakes’ wait for it – the aftermath of an earthquake- the ceiling and walls at angles to each other. It made you feel sick (and that was before the drink). Same with ‘The Beach’ too much liquid sloshing about (and that just the decor).

The Irish pubs where plastic paddies plotted their (round the town).
Further back I remember ‘The Radical and Liberal Club’ mentiined in Orwell’s ‘The Road to Wigan Pier’ Changed into ‘Pharaoh’s’ the facade an ancient Egyptian tomb. Buried Barnsley.

My mother and father in ‘The Gardener’s Arms’. I was sent in to get the pop and crisps. So exciting. The ‘Vine Tavern’ was an old style pub with a fire in. The landlord keeping watch to see if people had their drink, everyone sat close. Bar bllliards, darts of course the silence respected if there was a match.
Oh well, all passed. ‘Time’

Nominated by:Miles Plastic