Let’s stop pretending everyone needs a degree. They don’t. Half the people on my degree course would’ve been better off leaving school at 16 and stacking shelves or wiping down tables in McDonalds.

Going to university simply prolongs the delusion of them believing they’re ‘gifted’.
I was told by my lecturer in English that three (including me) present out of twenty-odd would’ve been the only ones to get on the course ten years beforehand. The rest of the class bunked off when we called their bluff on a debate on X Factor being a waste of time. They didn’t fancy being humiliated for being thick and took the afternoon off.

I did think about taking an MA but frankly found the idea of going back to university horrifying. It must be more intellectually stimulating feeding Cow and Gate to the cerebrally fucked than being a university tutor in this day and age.

The fact is students are simply not very bright. They don’t even understand the nuances of humour enjoyed by tradesmen. They know nothing about anything and they don’t know how to talk to anyone more than 5 years older than themselves.

They are cunts. Nowadays I tell the prats stupid enough to say ‘well I have a degree in X or Y’ that they’d better ask for their money back because they all seem to have left university more stupid than when they began.

They can’t hack it. On social media they can block or mute you but in real life they can’t do or say a fucking thing. It’s like looking at a dog you’ve shouted at for shitting on the carpet. They simply have no clue how to react.

Too thick for university, too soft for the workplace.

Unkle Terry, stoke the fire…

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime

Been postponed until August 29th and may well not happen.

However I am a massive fan of this event. Not a great fan of cycling but this is a spectacular, made for tv sporting event and I fucking love it. I’ve been to stages in France, London and Yorkshire and it is shit. It may be free but it is shit. Watching on the telly is very different and I love it, don’t care what any cunt says. Don’t like it don’t watch it cunt!

However, I fear that this year every rider will be “taking the knee” before every stage, there will be helicopter shots of “Black Lives Matter” on the roads and in adjoining fields, endless interviews with black riders and white wokeys griping about raaaaay-sism. For fucks sake get you libtard claws out of sport you cunts. We want to see sport,

competition not to be lectured by cunts who don’t like democracy. Just fuck off with this bullshit you commie cunts.

My only hope is that the French, the biggest racists in Western Europe, won’t allow this to happen, but money always talks.

This may be the last Tour I will be watching.

Nominated by: Freddie the Frog

Loyalty Means JackShit.

I’m sure we’ve all witnessed it: you signed up to a broadband provider, or cable TV provider etc. 5 or 10 years ago, and you’ve been paying the full subscription fee ever since.

Then you notice the latest adverts from these cunts offering decent discounts for new customers, while completely ignoring the loyal cunts who, to them, are just old cow fodder not deserving of anything other than yet another price rise in their subs!

Sky, Virgin Media and BT, are just a handful of cunts I used to subscribe too for years on end, only to see them give big 10-20% discounts for noobs to sign up to. And more often than not a month or two later I would get an email or letter from these bastards saying that my annual sub will be going up by 10%, probably to make up the shortfall on the new customer discounts.

At least with supermarkets they do offer some form of loyalty reward, as relatively trivial as it is. But with these telecoms bastards loyalty means sweet fuck all until such time you want to cancel your sub, and they go into panic mode by putting you through to their “Retentions Team”, whereby you can almost name your own price in order to stay with them!

Nominated by: Technocunt

Honestly, virtue-signalling Hollywood luvvies are a real hoot, and boy, there are a lot of these clowns about.

Latest to jump on the “woke” bandwagon and start spouting pretentious crap is Julianne Moore, who says that she now “regrets” playing a lesbian character in “The Kids Are Alright”. In the film Moore played Jules, a lesbian raising two children with her partner Nic (Annette Bening).

Moore gushes “in this movie about a queer family, all the principal actors were straight. I look back and go ‘ouch, wow!’ “. She burbles on ” we need to give real representation to people”. I take this to mean that in her opinion, gays should portray gays, trangenders should portray transgenders, enabling them to draw upon their vital “life experience” in the process.

Well Julianne, just let me say that I for one think that you’ve opened your mouth and let your belly rumble; you’re spouting the Hollywood gobblydegook party line that you feel obliged to. Think about it for a second. Do you think, for example, that Cate Blanchett (a woman, I believe) shouldn’t have played Bob Dylan?. Do you think that Jodie Foster and Rupert Everett shouldn’t play heterosexuals?. Jamie Foxx played the blind Ray Charles, Colin Firth played a man struggling with an incredibly debilitating speech impediment. Eddie Redmayne starred as the wheel-chair bound paraplegic Stephen Hawking.

All three won Oscars, as did you for your performance in “Still Alice”, the story of a woman struggling with dementia. Unless you’ve been keeping it a close secret, I don’t believe that you suffer from this terrible affliction.

No dahling, your talk about giving “real representation” to people is arty-farty bollocks, whatever barmy “woke” dogma might suggest. No actor is the character they play on screen.

What you and your fellow performers are paid large sums to do is what Larry Olivier (dear, dear boy) used to refer to as, er, acting. Just stop with the cringeworthy luvvy bullshit already. Go down your line and it’s going to be damned hard to find someone to portray Peter Sutcliffe when they get around to making “The Yorkshire Ripper”.

Daft bat.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

A pull on your wellies for a not so eco-friendly cunting of this clueless silver-spooned twat. Ben Goldsmith is part of the famed Goldsmith banking dynasty but in recent years has been enthralled by eco-mentalists like the Green Party and recently launched a ‘rewilding’ programme from his country pile in Somerset.

Rewilding is a trendy conservation concept of restoring and protecting natural processes and letting the land return to its original state and returning apex predators to encourage biodiversity. All well and good in theory to chin stroking Islington wine circles but Ben got a bit excited and released 20-40 red deer – without putting in deer fencing – who promptly escaped from his land and started destroying crops and food stores on neighbouring farms and smallholdings as well as being a TB risk to cattle.

Furious farmers demanded he round them up and like a seasoned politician has been spinning them a line of Jackanory bollocks saying “Its being dealt with”, then later admitting he “bullshitted” them. He has also been accused of releasing wild boar which he denies but has admitted to feeding them.

I don’t claim to know the benefits of rewilding when managed responsibly but respect the countryside and the people who live there and make a living from it often in trying times. This hobby farming knob end has been taking the piss, acted irresponsibly and the cherry on top of the cowpat is that he sits on the board of the government department, DEFRA, no doubt thanks to daddies millions so thinks the rules and red tape don’t apply to people like him.

His one saving grace is that he didn’t do it in a certain part of Northumberland or the story might be one of a drive-by tractor shooting with the suspect escaping very slowly shouting “Fucking townies, tally-ho and FUCK OFF”.

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator