Cue the confetti please for a cunting for the recently married campaigner, protester and slapper, Lily Allen, who celebrated her nuptials by putting her horse teeth into a burger, having been married by an “Elvis” lookalike:
It’s not exactly Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier, but seems to be just downmarket enough to be at a level she can understand, poor tart.
Nominated by: W. C. Boggs
(Any “migrants” invited? – DA)
I’d like to nominate the sound of ringing in my ears.
It’s been going on for a while but lately getting more annoying.
I’m not sure how to describe it properly. A long beep sound.
If I’m busy doing something I don’t notice it as much. When I’m in a quiet place I notice it more. In the library, in bed with my ear against a pillow for instance.
I’m not sure how it started. It could be from loud music at discos all those years ago.
I might have had the volume turned up on the cassette player too loud listening to it with earphones when *out and about.
Or it could be when I was run over it made it worse and more noticeable. Who knows?
I’m not sure how it works.
Are there ways to treat it? Do any fellow members of this here fine website hear ringing in your ears?
*aaahhht and aaabahhht, ©B&WC 2020
Nominated by: Spoonington
‘Good afternoon. I’m calling from the NHS Track-and-Trace Service. According to our system, you are likely to have been in close proximity to someone who has tested positive for COVID-19. This means that you now need to self-isolate for seven days and take a test.’
‘OK. Can you tell me who that person was?’
‘I’m not able to tell you that. That is confidential information.’
‘Right. Um . . . so . . .’
‘But you do need to be tested within the next 72 hours. Can I get the best mailing address so that we can send a kit to you?’
‘OK.’ (Gives Sir Limply Stoke address.)
‘I just need to take a payment card so that we can process all this and send the kit off to you.’
‘Sorry – a payment card? I thought this was free?’
‘No, I’m afraid not. There is a one-off fee of £50 for the kit and the test results. Could you read off the long card number for me, please, when you’re ready.’
‘No, that’s not right. This is part of the NHS, so there’s no charge.’
‘I’m afraid there is. Can you give me the card number, please. This is very important, and there are penalties for not complying.’
Apparently the above is now doing the rounds targeting the elderly. Be particularly wary if they offer a test centre in Nigeria.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
“Facebook says it will block a Frenchman suffering from an incurable condition from livestreaming his own death.
Alain Cocq, 57, planned to broadcast his final days after starting to refuse food, drink and medicine on Saturday.
President Emmanuel Macron had earlier denied his request for euthanasia.
Mr Cocq wants the law changed in France to allow terminally ill people to die as they wish.
Some groups, including the Catholic Church, oppose euthanasia on moral grounds.”
Wot a cock-up. In effect the little froggie cunt wants to top himself on air and to live stream his remaining days or weeks for the enjoyment of the rest of us or “pour les autres” in frog.
Has to be better viewing than the general merde on telly during these trying times. Hats off to monsewer cocky I say, your human right old matelot and screw Macron.
Little suggestion – if you do live long enough to make the 24 hour news cycle have a shotgun handy for an up the mouth job if all starts to get boring. Remember your viewers attention spans.
On a brighter note, given the covid shut down and the mental health crisis, you might start a trend me old cocky – a spot of on-line hari kiri from Japan, some Hollywood drugs deaths, spot of failed jihadis detonating the old big bang belt bomb and not to leave out a few teenagers who have failed their exams.
Misery for a few, entertainment for the masses. Such is life – now how could those crap stand-up comics make their acts funnier?
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54041566
(Despite the rather tongue-in-cheek sentiment from Sir Limply, the subject matter is quite sensitive/serious for some – DA)
LGTV equal rights, be careful what you wish for, this may be premature but it looks like the Birmingham stabbings where centered in the Birmingham gay village, so by waving flags and acting like cunts you invite nutters with knives who want to harm you.
Also the police are saying lots of people in Birmingham look like the stabber(excuse the pun) so this means an ethnic group who like to stab each other (with knives no pun intended) so it may not be the usual muzzy terrorist its a new type of gay bashing, so the lgtv group have put themselves back to the 80,s same as BLM, so well done equal rights you wanted, it appears that’s what you’ve got……enjoy cunts!
Nominated by: Fuglyucker