What a bastard. It’s all down to bandwith – which we aint got. Dodgy connections which freeze and sound that clicks and gurgles like a dying OAP. What apparently the trade calls “artefacts”.

News feeds come in live from all over the world with microphones locking on distant sirens and car horns all in glorious stereo plus extraneous whizzes and buzzes picked up down the line. Drives me poor pussy mad cat crazy – claws out and howling she tries to rip the telly apart to get to the rats or whatever she imagines is in there.

Mobile phone type beeps are the worst, seem to hang in the room in a freaky three dimensional Ipcress File soundscape. What – where the fuck was that?

We are all going to work from home and use Zoom and other yellow peril crappoala to get connected? Not when de yoot are gaming on the internet and the connection drops below 1mb. Cunts.

Enough has been said about the backgrounds to presentahs ect doing webcasts from home but not half enough about the aesthetic – Maitlis in vampire make-up, unknown presentah slappers with Essex fake tans, that jaundice look that seem to be on-trend on the street and on digital. All in garish high contrast colour.

If any cunt wants to upload a mobile clip to the telly make sure it is in landscape format (hold your fucking phone letterbox style) and not portrait otherwise it will not fill the screen and the sides will be filled in with distracting patterns or a stretched image. I do not like it.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Several “reality shows” that showcase spoiled, shallow, intolerable cunts in their natural habitats of mansions, parties, and fine booze deserve a champagne-fueled cunting.

My wife is a true housewife. We decided to not farm out the raising of our child to disinterested 3rd parties. She keeps our home stocked, clean, and very well kept. We decided to not put her in the social indoctrination pipe called public school either. She is always busy and a housewife as good as they get.

However these desperate housecunts are anything but. They have multiple income streams and live with all things done for them. These drama queens being called housewives is an insult to the brave ladies who have chosen this most noble profession. The popularity of the shows is not lost on me but they should not be called housewives. We watch them because of the trainwreck spilling loads of cunt drama everywhere.

The title should be Rich Cunts Desperate to be Younger than They Are.

Nominated by: Texas Trumptard

I know they’ve already featured, but the Markles deserve yet another nomination. Wow, they’re really desperate to win “Cunt of the Year 2020” aren’t they?

Their latest act of cuntery has been their unsurprising and completely uninvited “intervention” on the subject of “structural racism” in the UK. And this is not in any way connected to black history month, that’s just a coincidence.

There sat Harry, King of Cucks, telling us all about his “awakening” and how we’re all racist for holding black people back and all that bollocks (which is provable). He also claimed that London didn’t feel very diverse.

What? Fucking what? Motherfucker, you haven’t BEEN to London for at least a year. The place is more diverse than any other city on the planet. Shut the fuck up, you lying moron. And of course, sitting next to him (to make sure he stayed on script) was Woko Moano. Smiling in that fake, smug, self-satisfied way she has.

I was sceptical about the claim that black people are being held back. So I asked my black wife, my half black mother, several black relatives and friends and my 102 year old black maternal grandfather. None of them knew what the fuck Harry was talking about. None of them feel like they’ve been held back. They felt that the only black people who DO feel held back, are those who engage in criminal activity, and those work dodging cunts who have no intention of finding gainful employment, for which they blame whitey. In actual fact, it’s THEIR OWN fault. They are victims of nothing but their own life choices.

Anyway, didn’t Markle and Chuckles fuck off to the US for more privacy? And yet not a single week goes by that these pricks don’t pop up to offer their unsolicited words of wisdom on various issues.

Here’s an idea, Gingerbeard, shut the fuck up. You chose to turn your back on the UK and, worse still, your own family, for a stuck up, eye fluttering, over-ambitious, under-talented piece of skirt. You have NO right sticking your nose in now.

Pair of cunts.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

..and a related one from Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

Prince Harry

” Harry said: ‘Once you realise or you feel a little bit uncomfortable, then the onus is on you to go out and educate yourself, because ignorance is no longer an excuse. And unconscious bias, from my understanding, having the upbringing and the education that I had, I had no idea what it was. I had no idea it existed. And then, sad as it is to say, it took me many, many years to realise it, especially then living a day or a week in my wife’s shoes.’ Harry spoke from his £11million home in Montecito, California,”

What a fucking tool. The thickest Cunt in Christendom suggests that we need to educate ourselves.The sheer nerve of the Cunt astonishes me…what makes him think that he is a position to lecture anyone on the iniquities of inequality? He is the most undeservedly privileged Cunt on the planet…any normal illegitimate ginger simpleton would have been put in Council care at birth…I bet The Sponger-Windsor clan wish that they had done just that now.

Harry should have it explained to him in words of one syllable that he is nothing more than an irrelevant,stupid dupe…I hope that his wife does just that when she leaves him for the next rung on her ladder.

For my cunting debut, I nominate people who hoard toilet paper.

I just hit the last unit in an eight-roll package of toilet paper I bought during the Great Paper Goods Panic of early March, when the local grocery stores could not keep toilet paper (I believe you call it “bog roll”), paper towels, and facial tissues in stock.

The American public will sit placidly while their civil liberties are revoked and they are forced into a sort of neo-feudalist system, enforced by rampaging gangs of leftist twats.

All they ask is that a) they get a good cell phone signal and/or free wi-fi and b) that they don’t have to wipe their butts with their hands. (They need the cell phone to work so they can post pix of the giant supply of toilet paper, right after the pic of the corn muffin they are about to eat.)

Never mind the pandemic. These runs on basic supplies occur every time a moderately strong series of thunderstorms roll into the Northeast from Saskatchewan.

Adding insult to injury, when I purchased the eight-pack of Scott brand toilet paper (because it was the smallest option available) I felt like a cunt.

I don’t like feeling like a cunt.

So I issue a hearty cunting to all those bozos who fly into a blind panic when faced with the prospect of having to make alternative and temporary arrangements in the personal hygiene department.

Nominated by: A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Cunt