Bit of an odd one this. Burglars deserve a cunting. As some of you are probably aware, I happen to be a massive Sci-Fi fan. I take that hobby to the point that I buy models and figurines from the various shows that I like. I have an entire collection of models and figures from the OG Star Wars, Star Trek Babylon 5 and Battlestar Galactica. I also have various figures from the Marvel/DC universes, all proudly on display in my office. I have over 1000 models and figurines, and my collection is not even finished yet. A lot of them are very expensive, some are a rather more reasonably priced. I even have some antique props from the actual shows, such as a Viper pilot’s helmet from the original Battlestar Galactica and a full sized Cylon Centurion, complete with flashing red strobe light. The Piese de resistance however, is a massive 1:330 scale refit original Enterprise from the Motion Picture.

Someone, who used to be a friend decided that they would like to start a collection like mine. Except, instead of going on t’inernet to source them, he decided that he’d pay someone to steal mine. Fortunately for me, he picked someone who makes Inspector Clouseau look a genious. I easily caught this prick at 3am this morning, trying to unlock the door to my office, which has quite an expensive security system. The windows are all two small for anyone who isn’t three years to get in.

I don’t sleep very well, so after hearing the sounds of someone moving around downstairs, and finding this chump trying to jemmy my office door open. He pulled a knife and a scuffled ensued, during which he found out why it’s a bad idea to try to fight an angry 6’5″ former army commando. Plod were called, who turned up surprising quickly and arrested the little shit. Questioning later revealed that he’d been offered £50 by said ex-friend to steal as much of my collection as he could, including the vintage helmet.

Needless to say, he and I are no longer friends, and never will be again. None of our mutual friends are in a hurry to forgive him either. This guy knew full well that most of my models are fairly cheap to acquire. He knew where he could acquire them. And he could easily afford them. So why did he decide to try to steal my stuff instead? What a cunt.

Update: Ex-friend has been arrested and admitted to the offence. He claims he was drunk at the time he offered incompetent Raffles the 50 quid to break into my house. I’m also looking around for a better security system, because for I what I paid, I would expect it to do its fucking job and keep thieving cunts OUT of my house.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

You selfish cunts might like to take a minute to reflect on this:

‘The Duchess of Cambridge has said the challenges of parenting and home schooling during lockdown have left her “exhausted”.

Poor woman. The trials and tribulations of having everyfucking thing done for you by an army of sycophantic lackeys.
How to keep afloat financially? Which nannies to screen? How many home tutors are needed. Would hubby suit an acrylic hairpiece?

Yes, however badly you selfish cunts have been affected by lockdown, there is always someone worse off.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-55851099

Nominated by: Cunstable Cuntbubble 

(You can’t fool us! You’d still take her up the tradesman’s given half a chance – DA)

Who the fuck is this? Well this landwhale has ‘blasted’ Boris for allowing families to have met up on Christmas Day. Tracy and her fiancee (another obese cunt) did this and four of her family, including said fat cunt fiancee, promptly snuffed it and she is of course blaming anybody but herself for her own actions.

As far as I know the honey monster didn’t force these tubs of shit to meet their family at gunpoint, and it’s well known by everyone that obesity puts you at high risk of both catching the virus and of dying ‘with it’ (whatever that means) so I’d say it’s her and her checked out beloved that are at fault. But no, it’s the bad bad Borissssss fault booooo. Yet another example of cunts exhibiting no personal responsibility for either their health or actions.

By her logic, if the honey monster went of TV and told everyone to jump off beachy head, then the two fatties would have happily taken the plunge, and any resulting splatter would not have been her fault.

Stop your fucking whining and choke down a salad you fat wanker.

Link for further reading – https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/13870575/family-die-covid-isolation/

Nominated by: Jonty Willis the Third 

Equity deserves a cunting because it’s a new word to hide a leftist piece-of-shit philosophy.

There is equality of opportunity and equality of outcome.

Equality of opportunity means giving people every opportunity, regardless of race, colour or creed.

Equality of outcome means giving everyone a gold medal regardless of the fact they were last and the shittest at whatever the medals were intended to be given out for.

Clearly the former is what a proper society does. The latter is what a Bidenian society does.

Fine. I went to a private school. However, I teach my students at my inner-city FE college with the same edicts that I was taught, and I only have one white student in both of my A-level classes. That said, I treat them all the same (they’re all cunts!).

This is my subject. Prove to me you can learn it. Now that there are no exams this year, I will be marking them. Your colour, your creed, your religious belief mean nothing to me. Only your mark out of 100.

Pens down!

Nominated by: Dark key cunt 

Black Supremacists are cunts, aren’t they.

A school in Iowa has said it’ll be participating in the Black Lives Matter At School Week Of Action during the first week of February. Out of Black Lives Matter At School’s thirteen guiding principles, two or three will be discussed each day with students. These topics are offered as pages in a “coloring (sic) book” for younger children.

Forget Maths, English, sciences, or languages; click here to view the full menu though not advisory if you’ve recently eaten:

https://caldronpool.com/school-district-to-run-week-long-blm-program-for-students-affirming-transgenderism-disruption-of-the-nuclear-family-dismantling-the-patriarchy/

If an angry-looking black feller handed me this as a leaflet outside Brixton Tube station muttering about “white supremacy” I’d gladly scrunch it up, drop it, and saunter away, chuckling. However, this is in a school. How quickly would you be removing your child from somewhere they couldn’t read or write but knew which gender they preferred to be that day.

Psh.

Book-burning is shite but I might make an exception for Colouring books.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous