Won’t be long now until I receive my annual update on the life of my appalling cousin. She is a retired Doctor of Mentals (Was that an official title? – NA) and even when I was younger couldn’t stand her nosiness ( always wondered if the bitch was angling to have me committed) and pompous,strident manner.

Thankfully she no longer attempts to ring me after I told her to Fuck Off in no uncertain terms when she attempted to mediate between myself and a relative who accused me of some rather devious actions regarding the will of a dead relative ( he was actually quite right but couldn’t prove a fucking thing….he’s dead now too…thank fuck.) (That needs to be expanded upon – NA)

Anyhow…back to my nom…..she still sends every Christmas a record of the “highlights” of her year…being a Doctor she is reasonably well off and,if I can decipher the poorly photocopied pages, seems to know how to spend it…holidays,cars and most bizarrely of all a fucking motorhome. The humbleboast words are accompanied by smudged photos of the old Trout leering out at various locations….one only a few miles away from me but at least she had more sense than call in.

I’m guessing that she sends the same impersonal letter to everyone at Christmas…why bother?…I certainly don’t care what she’s done but if I was actually someone who had any time for the sanctimonious bitch,I’d certainly expect something a bit more personal than a photocopied boastfest.

Still,to look on the bright side,she can’t live much longer….hope the evil old trout doesn’t leave me the fucking motor-home in her will as some kind of twisted joke…it’s just the kind of thing a true Fiddler would do.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler