Sperm Banks – where the Wankers meet the Bankers

Blimey O’Reilly more trouble in the banking sector, this time the National Sperm Bank (and apparantly there is one) is running oit orf sperm. Importing sperm from legoland (Denmark cunts) and yankland to make up the deficit. Seems the fillies cannot get enough orf it, rationing ect ect, having to go private and so orn.

All doine to the fillies going self employed. Spot orf the old turkey baster in place orf a genuine bit orf cock. Such times we live in. British manhood spurned. Dyke and poofta couples and single professional women all demanding progeny but not in the time honoured fashion. Ladies, Sir Limply is at your service offering a spot orf vintage spunk at very reasonable rates.

Habitues orf this blog, this is your call to arms, your opportunity to put your wanking to the national good. The Eye alone must produce pints orf the stuff every time he does a spot orf geeking on this site. So cum orn cunters, wipe orf your keypads, suck in your bellies and tickle the old todger. Do some quantative easing and make your donation to the Wank Bank. Your country needs you.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Cunts who shout from cars thinking they’re hilarious.

Generally young men driving about in the evening with a passenger shouting stuff like “wanker” “dickhead” etc. and drive off laughing because it’s…well….hilarious isn’t it.

Sad cunts.

Nominated by: Mr Cunty Pants

Sky Sports is shit. Their presenters actually now spend time in front of a screen to show viewers what pricks are saying on social media about the day’s sporting news. People don’t pay for a subscription to see some twat of a Crystal Palace fan on twitter spouting bollocks. But that’s what Sky Sports is giving people these days…

The only good thing on Sky Sports is Natalie Sawyer. A cracking pair of tits!

Nominated by: Norman

If ever there was a bunch of cunts who deserve a proper good cunting, it’s the cunts at Sky News.

Ever vigilant for the opportunity to make up a good story out of fuck all, Sky sent it’s ace reporter Martin Brunt scouring the pages of the Leicester Mercury for a non-story and he came up with a housewife who, like tens of thousands of others, doesn’t like the McCanns. Unable to tell an internet troll from a hole in his arse, Brunt proceeded to handbag the poor cow on her doorstep on national TV.

Having been publically vilified for doing not a lot, she committed suicide the next day.

Well done, Sky News. Hope you’re feeling really proud of yourselves. It’s just a shame you don’t turn your efforts towards some real investigative reporting. Can I perhaps suggest the McCanns, their lucrative charity and what actually happened to their daughter?

Nominated by: Dioclese
A cunt who doesn’t want to end up dead in a hotel room tommorrow.

I remember as a young lad hearing the old man come in pissed after a night out bleating on about how good the comedian was and that he received a standing ovation. A rare occurrence I was lead to believe. You had to have performed brilliantly, have the audience in the palm of your hand and be top of your game.

But now the standing ovation comes too easily. I’m sorry to say I sat through and suffered the Xfactor one night which deserves a cunting itself if it hasn’t already been cunted. I heard some of the so called talent on that show and to be honest in my opinion most of the cunts couldn’t shout coals up a back lane. But no – the audience think its fucking great. All a contestent has to do is wail like a gospel singer, throw a few dodgy trills in and they’re up on their fucking feet.

For fucks sake sit your arses back in your seats you easy pleased cunts.

Nominated by: Cuntface

My ol’ dad used to say “They’ll clap owt in London” but these days they’ll stand up and clap owt anywhere.

Especially at Party Conferences. and especially when told to do so by the cunt at the front, off camera.

Nominated by: Dioclese