What is it with Brighton? It must be something that comes oit the taps. Let yours truly put in a word orf explanation.

Have a mate does a spot orf farming doine that way and orn occasion have meself driven doine there. In me day the place was genteel shabby with a large population orf old pooftahs, closet dykes and rancid theatricals. Over time it has convinced itself it is achingly trendy and edgy me dears. What better place then for the local faux intellectual community to construct a brave new world beyond PC orf No Platforming, Safe Spaces and now Gender Fluidity.

In short no longer is it enough to be just Poof, Dyke or Tranny but one must celebrate every quirk and underwear stain in between. Many Educational Gauleiters are strutting their tight arsed and very well paid stuff in the class room and earlier for Christ sake. Toddlers are expected to define their gender preferences (oh yes they can be 20% male 20% female and 60% none orf the above if the little darlings feel so inclined) and have gender awareness coaching to stop them falling foul orf gender stereotyping before they get their first colouring book. Makes playing mothers and fathers a very dodgy business.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Apparently, some students are saying they may fail their final exams because they’re so depressed after we voted to leave the EU. There’s nothing like getting your excuses in first. Resits anyone? I have only one thing to say to these still whining students, suck it the fuck up you pussies.

I’ve never claimed to be a genius, though I do consider myself to be quite an intelligent man. But I have to admit, I am fucking puzzled as to why so many people would choose to vote for a corrupt organisation, led by incompetent, undemocratic, thieving, lying, unaccountable, unelectable bunch of has beens, never were’s and never will be’s in Brussels, over a democratically elected BRITISH government.

I mean, we’re talking about a group of people we have never voted for, can never vote for and can never remove from office should we so wish. Why would any sane person vote to be governed that kind of scum? Scum who steal around £10 billion per year from OUR pockets. And students are depressed that a majority of us voted for democracy?

I fear for the future, knowing that this is the kind of know nothing, limp wristed, too soft bell end that will one day be running this country. They’re as much use as a eunuch’s scrotum.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Female politicians really get on my nerves.

Naz Shah, Dianne Abbott, Baroness Warzi, Priti Patel, Kate Hoey and that cunt Nicki Morgan. All with a sense of indignation which translates into being a nagging, whiny voiced haranguer of anyone who’ll listen. Pompous to the point of bursting they pontificate on everything. I fucking hate them with their enraging sense of entitlement.

They smugly sit on Radio 4 interviews or Question Time and preach their ”Do what I say ‘cos it’s good for you” bollocks while avoiding any question that exposes their double standards by just continuing to talk and talk and talk in their nasal tones. They suck at the teat of the public purse and feather their nests while telling us that austerity is necessary. In it together? Not bloody likely.

They’re middle-class harridans of the modern age and need bringing down a peg or two…The cunts.

Nominated by: Fleaboy

Marketing is a cunt.

If you want to sell an inferior product, simply use the BBC or social media to link it to supposed “intelligence”, social status or most people’s basic need for acceptance and the desire to be seen as “up to date” and “modern”. That way you can sell any old crap such as hybrid cars, Stewart Lee’s “comedy”, Windows 10, Socialism, the new overpriced and overhyped plastic “smart” gadget or even Daniel Craig’s latest lame shitty excuse for a Bond movie.

It will sell even though the buyer can see that, really, it’s shite because no-one wants to be perceived as “thick” or “ignorant” or outmoded, even if they aren’t.

Vanity and insecurity trumps all and fills the bank accounts of cunts everywhere…

Nominated by: Mr Bastard

Champagne is a rip-off, just wine with bubbles and £25 more a bottle.

Just buy a decent bottle of white for £12 and run it through a sodastream, Even Oz Clarke wouldn’t know the difference

Nominated by: Boaby