Despite Lloyds bank making a half year pre tax profit of 2.5 bn quid, an increase of 101% they are still going to axe 3000 jobs and close 200 branches. And they have blamed it on Brexit.

In my book that makes them a set of greedy cunts who should have their licence revoked while the CEO António Horta Osório and chairman Lord Blackwell should be publicly flogged.

Nominated by: Skidmark Eggfart

Time to nominate unregulated hypercapitalism for a cunting.

Interesting debate on the RMT thread about renationalising the railways got me thinking. Lots of folks on this esteemed website throwing the word “left” around to cunt various cunts. I’m just going to say that childish identity politics and the defence of jihadist pricks is not my version of being left-wing.

I’m not some perennial sixth-form cunt who hates capitalism but still drives Daddy’s Volvo to the horseys after lessons. If you have a talent, a service or a great idea that can be sold for a profit then fucking go for it, you deserve your success. Unfortunately, capitalism needs reining in to stop it becoming an oligarchy of the already-rich – left to its own devices, capitalism is a total cunt. Thus, Kim Uglydashian can amass a $50million fortune for showing her fat arse on the internet, wiggy fat Scouse granny-fuckers can get 300,000 quid a week for (badly) kicking a ball around and Donald “I’m a complete cunt” Trump can be considered an entrepreneurial genius despite being born with a silver spoon up his ass.

The current economic system of unregulated hypercapitalism is a complete cunt. Utter cunts like “Sir” Philip Green can get away with stealing millions whilst some junkie cunt is thrown in chokey for stealing a DVD player. The banking cunts wreck the entire Western economy and the fucking taxpayer picks up the bill. The railways are privatised at a quarter of their worth and then pay substantial dividends to their (thieving) shareholders whilst being subsidised by the taxpayer.

You wouldn’t run an unregulated zoo – the lions would pork their way through all the zebras, antelopes and various other crap herbivores before you could say “Alex Salmond is a cunt.” Similarly, capitalism needs to be regulated with rules to protect ordinary working people from utter cunts who would sell their nine year old daughter to ISIS for a couple of quid. Therefore to be “left-wing” is NOT to support chav scum spending their dole on White Lightning or Muslim slave women shooting out the next generation of jihadists on child benefit. It’s keeping a fucking leash on cunts who would fuck us all up the ass with a fish fork if they thought they could get away with it.

Socialism is probably shit and Communism is a joke. But unregulated hypercapitalism is also a total cunt and needs sensible controls or we’ll all end up living in a Charles Dickens novel.

Any logical fallacies in the above argument can be explained by it being Friday night and the second bottle of wine being open.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

I’d also like to cunt and nominate those celebricunts who were fucking useless/wank in the first place. Piffle off into obscurity for 5yrs and then come back in some excruciating reunion piece of shite which follows the same fomula:

1. Meet up and pretend to be all awkward about it.
2. Make up and be bestest ever friends again ever.
3. Pretend to make some records (while you can hear the “Milli Vanilli” real singers in the background).
4. Couple of squabbles.
5. Go on CUNT-FACTOR with Simon Cowell.
6. Do 1/2doz sell out shows before the country realises: “No, you really were shite!”.
7. Fade off into obscurity.
8. 5yrs later, goto 1.

Next in line is the Spice Girls but they’re not sure if the queen of talentless celibricunts – Victoria Beckham – can make it. Yeah they’ll miss that vocal range……..but, hang on girls, all is not lost! I could turn up with a kid’s party balloon, blow it up but not tie it off and then let the air out slowly in that shrill squealing noise. That’d be a close enough approximation I’m sure.

I bet even that celebricunt with the “welly-top” fanny Mel B couldn’t even tell the difference in her ubercelebricunt role as a judge of the next batch of celebricunts!

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

I know a bit about food and anyone who eats cold or ‘chilled’ soup is a cunt. I don’t care if you live in the Sahara desert and you need to cool down soup should be hot.

You cunts.

Nominated by: Black & White Cunt

After weeks of speculation about Killary’s health and after she had a coughing fit last week, today she fainted at an event to comemorate 9/11. I’m sure you will all join me in wishing her a full and speedy recovery

Nominated by: Skidmark Eggfart

Ah poor Killary, something serious I hope. The stupid cunt is actually making Trump look good except I can’t take him seriously because trump is synonymous with fart where I come from. I might proudly wear a basket if deplorable T shirt though.

Nominated by: Alan Fistula

She is the epitome of the modern politician.. Out of touch with the voters, condescending, ignorant, self serving, blinkered, biased, untrustworthy, weak, venal, perverse, perverted, anti-British, two-faced,stupid, selfish and to top it off….as ugly as a butt-fucked warthog.

A pox on the whole stinking bunch of them

Nominated by: Dick Fiddler