Celibricunt reunions


I’d also like to cunt and nominate those celebricunts who were fucking useless/wank in the first place. Piffle off into obscurity for 5yrs and then come back in some excruciating reunion piece of shite which follows the same fomula:

1. Meet up and pretend to be all awkward about it.
2. Make up and be bestest ever friends again ever.
3. Pretend to make some records (while you can hear the “Milli Vanilli” real singers in the background).
4. Couple of squabbles.
5. Go on CUNT-FACTOR with Simon Cowell.
6. Do 1/2doz sell out shows before the country realises: “No, you really were shite!”.
7. Fade off into obscurity.
8. 5yrs later, goto 1.

Next in line is the Spice Girls but they’re not sure if the queen of talentless celibricunts – Victoria Beckham – can make it. Yeah they’ll miss that vocal range……..but, hang on girls, all is not lost! I could turn up with a kid’s party balloon, blow it up but not tie it off and then let the air out slowly in that shrill squealing noise. That’d be a close enough approximation I’m sure.

I bet even that celebricunt with the “welly-top” fanny Mel B couldn’t even tell the difference in her ubercelebricunt role as a judge of the next batch of celebricunts!

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

31 thoughts on “Celibricunt reunions

  1. I’d like to cunt those people who do charity adventures. On more than one occasion I’ve been approached by someone who wishes me to sponsor their chosen event. Whether it is climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, take part in skydiving, trek the Andes, there is always the self righteous “I’m doing it for cancer/dying kids etc”. No you’re not you cunt. You want me to fund your trip of a lifetime, and what you don’t spunk away on your holiday may go to a charity. That charity will then spunk the pittance you gave them of my donation on salaries and admin costs. If you want to be sponsored for something, do something useful, like volunteer at a hospital you snide grasping cunts.

    • I feel the same about sponsored walks and bike rides. You get collared by work colleagues or friends who extract money by embarrassment. I don’t do embarrassment. I just refuse…

      • I’m the same,but when I heard that one of the cunts had suffered a heart attack and was to take to hospital in an air-ambulance followed by weeks of recovery,(rather negating the vast sum of £132 which he was hoping to raise), I was tempted to put a couple of quid in. Worth every penny,just for the laugh.
        I’d happily donate if I thought that I’d get that much pleasure again just by giving a pound or two. I have tried suggesting this to the fuckers,but have just been met with volleys of,frankly, very uncharitable abuse. I even suggested a sliding scale…..£5 a death,£4 serious injury, £3 broken leg etc., but still no joy.
        Selfish wankers.

      • Music to my ears, Cato. I know of one such a cunt. Been all over, she has and paid for nowt. She was a teacher and used to do all the school trips and all. Then she took early retirement, nice little lump sum and now she does supply teaching fot 3 times the normal rate. What a cunt.

    • I second this nomination.

      In our gaff we have a gaggle of fucktards (mainly the hipster nouveau-beard cunts) who do this fucking “Wolf Run” in aid of “charity”.

      Basically it’s grown adults behaving like 5yr olds splashing about in muddy puddles of shite and playing on wooden climbing frames, all in the aid of “charity”.

      The organisers of these things, straight from the “WeSawYouComing.com” mold, must be rubbing there hands at this constant stream of fuckwits queuing up in order to disgrace themselves for “charity”.

      They also have a chuckle at the participants expense by writing their entry number on their foreheads. If it were me I’d write “CUNT” or “TWAT” on their heads so when they get their “aren’t I so good, look at me” finish line photo, looking like rats drowned in shit, they really see what they are/look like, rather than the “charity heroes” they think they are.

      The thing that really boils my piss though is:

      a) They expect the day off gratis and still expect to be paid…”cos it’s charity in’it!”
      b) They expect every cunt to dip their hand in their pocket, even if you don’t agree with the “charity” they’ve chosen.

      I said to one of these hipster manager cunts: “Tell you what, you’re not on bad money, so here’s a plan, why not work that day and donate your day’s wages to your charity of choice?”

      Well the look from the cunt, I could feel myself turning to stone! Thing is I know this cunt is on nearly £200 quid a day. And how much did he raise, why, £67 quid! And not a penny of it was mine.

      Please don’t think me an uncharitable cunt, it was for the “Crisis in Syria” to which I offered my opinion that we should have gone in there and laid waste to the fuckers 5yrs ago (except I termed it as “stabilising the region”) instead of it procrastinating into a human disaster, displacing millions, a fair proportion of which are now on their way into Merkel’s Europe (and ultimately the UK).

      He didn’t like my (honest) appraisal of the situation. Mind you, he’s not a two-faced cunt, oh no. Not long after his “Wolf Run” charity success for the peaceful ones of Syria – he upped sticks from Aylesbury to live in some posh village nr Jimmy Saville’s main stomping ground of Stoke Mandeville. Why? Cos he was fed up of “waking up in Mecca” every day of the week (his *exact* words).

      No, not a two-faced cunt at all.

      All of this shit, trips to the pole (either one), Everest base camp 2, whatever, is simply freeloading in the name of “charity”. Cunts!

  2. Victoria Beckham can never have enough cunting. Miserable untalented ratfaced mare needs cunting and recunting , she depresses me with her face and her bag of bones figure. She deserves being married to that squeaky voiced painted prick who is always overdue for a cunting.
    A fair footballer he has forced his unremarkable boring character into everything which will keep this underwhelming family in the media.
    He is a giant wanker.

    • He was a decent lad in his younger days around Manchester (met him a few times), but when he hooked up up with that everyone knew the writing was on the wall… Everyone from Fergie to the fans said, ‘Great kid, but she will ruin him’… But Beckham only has himself to blame for getting tied up with such a fame hungry cunt like Skeleton Spice… As, I said, he was a nice lad, but always a bit on the thick side… So Posh probably saw him as easy pickings… But it shows where his taste in women is at…The most ugly and untalented Spice Girl (even the Scouse one is better looking!)? The daft cunt could have had his pick…

      • Didn’t he shag some tidy piece in Spain? And wasnt that the only time in tabloid history that the papers sided with the person cheating rather than the person cheated upon? Such is the depth of loathing for the miserable, untalented, thick-as-shit Rough Spice.

      • Wasn’t there a suggestion on the terraces, Norm, that the skeletal one took it up the poo chute?

      • There was, Alan, and Becks didn’t like it… Man City fans were particularly fond of winding him up about his Mrs and the tradesman’s entrance… But when Ali G (aka that Baron Cohen cunt) made a ‘joke’ on TV about it, the Beckhams suddenly thought it was funny… It appears that gags about Skeletor taking up the Rick Witter are only acceptable from fellow celebrities… Cunts…

      • Mine didn’t, or any other hole come to that.
        A few months of wedded bliss with me put the mockers on any of that kind of thing.

  3. I agree,and the Beckham circus bores the the fucking cunt out of me,everytime the tight suited cunt gets interviewed he seems to think we are all interested in how amusing his kids are,thats all hes got to tell people these days…..why doesnt he buy a small footy club like the other Class of 92 players and help grass roots football instead of spending all day blowing kisses in the mirror and wiping vomit up after his ugly wife has honked up another dozen tubs of Ben and Jerrys…..cunts!!!

    • Class Of 92 are cunts… All Fergie/Glazer arselickers and they undermined both Moyes and Van Gaal…Scholes has especially become a corrosive little gobshite cunt these days, and Phil Neville is like a turd that refuses to flush and keeps popping up (the cunt is on Sky now!)… Only decent one among them is Nicky Butt: down to earth, keeps himself to himself and doesn’t blow his own trumpet… Good to see The Class Of 92 snakepit has gone quiet of late… Maybe it’s because Mourinho won’t take any of their shite and doesn’t give a fuck about them…

      The ’92 club’ were overhyped anyway… Giggs was undoubtedly top drawer, but Beckham couldn’t head, tackle, or beat a defender… I’d have the great Arnold Muhren or Stevie Coppell in an all time United XI ahead of Beckham… Other post-Busby United youth players like Norman Whiteside, Mark Hughes and Lee Sharpe were as good as them (Giggs and maybe Scholes excepted) and the lads who died at Munich would have pissed all over the Class of 92…

  4. It’s not just celebrity reunions.. all reunions are shiyt
    Family reunions,school reunions, work reunions etc. The only reason for a reunion is that you’ve lost touch. The reason that you’ve lost touch is that you didn’t care for the fuckers in the first place. Nothing worse than a bunch of cunts from the past wanting to relive the “good old days”. The only good reunion is a funeral reunion where at least you can gloat at outlasting whichever one of the cunts is in the box,and imagine which one of the fuckers is next.

  5. The spice girls and Beckham’s seem like the most pointless cunts in the world, why the media have elevated these nothings into superstars who knows. But wait, then we have the Khardasians who are famous for literally fuck all. Kim has a big arse and shares selfies like some underclass ho from Essex. They all shag as many black gangsta rappers as their tired old cunts can take, their mother seems to be mutating into a Sharon Osbourne parody and Bruce, well the less said about the creature in the cellar the better.

    As long as the masses keep spooing in the shite the media feed them the longer we have to put up with shite like the Spice Grans reunions and Hollywood Slags.

    • These people and those who give them the oxygen of publicity are all cunts.
      More famous for being famous bastards wiho do nothing to contribute to the greater good.
      I don’t necessarily blame the cunts themselves but the brain dead morons who watch the programmes about them are a different matter.
      Don’t understand it and never will.

  6. I would support the reunion if they agreed to never show themselves again in public, but they won’t.

    I despise these cunts and all the parasites who hang on their saggy old tits. The fans are also complete fuck cunts who should be rounded up and gassed.

  7. One of the worst ‘reunions’ ever was The Beatles minus one… Getting a crappy Lennon demo tape full on noise and tape hiss and turning it into the turgid ‘Free As A Bird’ was as crass and tasteless as a reunion gets… John sounds like he’s singing while he’s on the bog in another room, and the added Macca bits are schmaltz of the highest order… Only good bit was George’ guitar part… I bet Harrison thought, ‘Fuck me! That cunt McCartney is finally letting me play one of my own fucking solos!’ If they wanted a Lennon vocal, surely there must have been one outtake or vocal track from all their recording sessions they could have used? Instead they put out that load of graverobbing crap… Oasis on valium was how a friend of mine described it, and he wasn’t far wrong…

    • Called Flogging a Dead Horse, the pistols (McLaeren) did an album of the same name with a hash up of the pistols stuff, and other shite.

      At least they gave us a clue in the title what we were shelling out for or not!!

      The Beatles are a fucking joke now down to greed and marketing.

      • Poptones and Religion are two great PiL tracks, but I wouldn’t expect anyone to go listen to them on my recommendation, neither would I expect a “Oi Sixdog I gave that a listen and it was fucking shit”.

      • The beatles were nothing special, some decent songs, only their sad “hey man they were the greatest” twat fans love them, pil were, are and always will be utter fucking shit.

      • Worst reunion ever happens at Anfield every season Norman, it’s like Labour decided to take up football

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