Can I please nominate, Doolaly (Diwali) or Fireworks at Diwali (in case it offends) for a good cunting.

Now, I like to think I’m pretty tolerant of different cultures and their festivals, but not at my expense or should I say the dogs, but it does affect me, because of said dog.
Allow me to explain, as I’m writing this the fucking cunting fireworks have started, to be totally honest, they started at 4pm. Fucking 4pm, it was still daylight, what’s the fucking point of that?

It’s just normal fucking fireworks either, up to now we’ve had the pretty ‘Ooh and Ahh ones, fine with them, but shorty after came those fucking cunting ones that shake the ground like fucking land mines and bangers! It’s like Syria out there!
I just happened to let the dog out when some daft cunt decided let the line mine one off, the dog, mid piss, ran back into the house, still pissing, with the other half running behind him with a mop.

He tried to get behind the TV but thankfully the kids stopped him.

The other half has found a special bravery jacket, with accompanying CD and a plug-in for him, to the tune of a mere 70 odd fucking quid. I ain’t happy!

When I was a kid, they still had Doolaly, but without the fucking onslaught of cunting fireworks. Fireworks are for one day, fucking bonfire night (and New Years Eve, I’m not a total miserable cunt).

P.s
I’m now in the front room, with the bloody great dog, sitting on my knee. I’ve have to barricade parts of my front room, so he don’t knock the TV over and other items I can’t be arsed to replace this side of Christmas.

Coupled with the fucking clocks going back and actual Doolaly day tomorrow, the fucking onslaught is going to happen a lot earlier.

I really don’t mind my house looking like something from the French Revolution and the telly on full pelt and a quivering mess of a dog for one day, but this is going to go on for the next few days, weeks even and it’s fucking Halloween Monday too, so going have to screw my letterbox shut,in case some little fucking chav kid thinks it’s a good idea to shove a fucking firework though the letterbox!

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

There have been a spate of nominations on this site recently to cunt all cyclists as lycra wearing, pro peloton riding cunts.

Whilst there are indeed cunts who ride bikes to tarnish us all with the same brush is taking the piss.

Yes we may be a fucking nuisance as you have to give us a mere 2ft by the curb as you blow past at 60mph, but cyclist are nothing compared to the reckless cunts on motorcycles, therefor they deserve a cunting.

A prime example for your perusal, it should be no surprise this guy is now dead (2012) and as much as he is a cunt for this stunt, you somehow have to admire his fucking death-wish

So in conclusion, yes there are some cyclist who are cunts, yes there are some motor-bikers who are cunts and there are certainly car drivers, taxi drivers, van drivers and lorry drivers who are cunts.

But the biggest cunts of all are actors, politicians, singers and anyone in the fucking media

Nominated by: Boaby

I want to cunt uninsured drivers. Cunts cost us law abiding premium payers far too much. And what happens when they get caught ? their shitty car gets taken away and scrapped and they get a slap on the wrist fine.

Why not find out what their insurance premium would have been then double it and fine them the total. At present the fine seems to be less than the premium would be. If they get away with it they have had a touch as they pay less in fines than they would have in premiums.

Also ban the cunts from the road and if all else fails hang the cunts.

By the way cyclists are cunts and any found on the pavement or going through red lights should also suffer death by hanging.

Nominated by: Johnson

Women’s make-up deserves a good cunting, we have all been duped by it,
You go out on the piss, hook-up with a girl and it’s back to hers for some depraved pounding and if you’re lucky a go up her shitter.
When you pulled her she looked like this, but then when you wake-up the next morning with a cock covered in shit and smelling like Graham Norton’s breath only to be greeted with her looking like this – and yes, that is the same woman!

So, make-up deserves a good cunting, it should be banned under the trade descriptions act.

Nominated by: Boaby

Australia is fucking shit, that’s why all the fuckers want to come here. I went there for a month and it was a big mistake. I was bored shitless after a couple of weeks. Full of back packer cunts doing there now obligatory “gap year” and thinking they are having such a huge fucking adventure when really it is a sanitized conveyor belt transporting the spotty youths from one hostel to another.

A cunt of a country full of cunts and the only people who want to visit it are cunts as well.

Nominated by: Skidmark Eggfart