I recently discovered this station using a radio app on my smartphone called rad.io. When I tried listening via their website, I got a “fuck off you’re not in the UK you cunt” type message which seemed a bit thick given accessing their station works perfectly well via my smartphone which, like myself, also happens to be in the US.

Still, no matter I’ll listen via ‘phone and enjoy it that way. Several days in and I’m hearing many of the ‘big’ ’80s hits, a few songs that I couldn’t quite place which was fun and the odd one which was quite obscure and probably a minor hit for a one-hit-wonder type band. A few weeks in and I’m hearing the same selection of big ’80s hits. Then other big hits by those same artists. I’m beginning to think that Absolute ’80s only plays the same 20 records pretty much in constant rotation with the occasional obscure one thrown in just to make it seem like they’re covering the whole of the ’80s. Which they’re not. There are plenty of massive ’80s songs which I’ve never heard nor even other ’80s songs by those same artists.

Back in the ’80s there was a practice called “hyping” which was exposed and frowned upon at the time. It worked like this. In any given week, 100s of new singles would be released by artists big and small, on record labels ranging from the big boys (EMI, MCA, CBS, Polydor, Warner, etc) to the small independents like Rough Trade, Beggars Banquet, 4AD, etc. The big labels employed cunts with expense accounts who would schmooze radio show producers with expensive meals, vacations, expensive gifts, even money in return for them programming their label’s artists’ singles into their radio shows. I clearly remember a Radio 1 DJ announcing they were playing Madonna’s True Blue single FOUR weeks before it was even released! Surprise surprise – huge hit when it finally hit the charts!

I suspect the labels of the big ’80s hits are at it again and greasing the wheels so cunts like Absolute ’80s play their stuff over and over again. Given the sheer volume of music which was released in that decade by such a diverse range of artists, it cannot be coincidence I keep hearing the same fucking songs by Lionel Richie, Madonna, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, The Police and Culture Club. All cunts.

Nominated by: Imitation Yank

It’s that fucking time of the year when the Yanks inflict yet another of their crummy cultural anachronisms on us pitiful Brits – fucking Halloween! Sorry, did I say ‘cultural’? There’s more culture in a pot of yoghurt that the whole of the United Fucking States of Ahmerika…

So here’s the Dioclese contribution : print the poster above and put it in your window. And if the little cunts can’t take the hint then I suggest a water gun, preferably filled with black ink.

Fuck off back to America and take your trick and treat with you, you cunts!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Halloween is orn Monday granted and one expects a bit orf ectoplasm in ones pants but these two are taking the piss. Oit haunting 24/7. Or are Kirk and missis starring in a remake orf Bride orf Dracula? Any cunter that has old Fartacus in The Pool let me mark your card. Kirk Douglas is one orf the Undead so don’t hold your breath.

Oh and any Trick or Treaters oit there that intend to come aroinde my way Fuck Orf.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

I would also like to cunt the clocks going back/forward why oh why do we need to do this in this country?

As if winter isn’t depressing enough……

Nominated by: fuglyucker

British Summer Time or Daylight Saving Time is a cunt,

What cunt thought this was a good idea? Nobody ever remembers when the fuck to change the clocks until some cunt reminds them and then some cunt forgets and messes things up for some other cunt. I think we should have a referendum on this cunt behaviour. Time is the time and time waits for no cunt, so don’t be a cunt and try to change the time so you get an extra hour in bed you lazy cunt. So don’t forget cunters the clocks go forward at 2:00am. See you later or earlier! What a piece of cunt.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt

Ever get done by a “stopper”?

i.e. you’re walking along at the general pace and then the cunt immediately in front of you just stops (and usually to update a TwatBook status or something equally important)!

Colour me simple, colour me stupid, but – as I would in a car – if I wanted to check something or whatever I’d walk to the side of the walkway/aisle/etc. before stopping but no that’s too much effort with the hipster generation (useless, self absorbed, remoaning cunts).

However “stoppers” be warned, your nemesis the “absent minded buggy riders” are also out in force. These cunts swan about on the free buggies provided by large shops and shopping centres, and – because a lot of the users aren’t actually proper raspberries, just lazy twats – they have no idea how to control them, nor the concept of “looking where they’re driving”.

Yes “stoppers” you halt your ass immediately in front of an “absent minded buggy rider” and enjoy the seething pain as one, if not both, achilles tendons are whacked into by the ‘safety’ bumper (as a “peaceful stopper”, decked out in the full ayatollah gear, found to his cost in The Centre MK – I laughed at the cunt as he went down like a bag of spanners).

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!