The Cunt that gave me the Clap

Swing back to the sixties – but did it ever? Certainly more characters around and Blighty still stood tall and proud if a trifle long haired. Summer of Love? That was 1967 and I was there but cannot be arsed to post any links. Embarrassing. Summer of Cunt. Moved in certain circles of a chemical nature and out of the remains of me mind recall a love fest that took place in a mews house in London somewhere near Harrods and Harvey Knicks. Little filly with eyes caked in black eye liner. Only defence me lud I was so stoned I shagged it.
Strange thing about a freshly shagged filly they do like to rabbit after. This filly just the same and while I kept dropping orf (as you do) Yours Truly got the life story in full. Daughter of an Italian Countess no less and a working girl. Proud of that and her career as a Groupie. Still active for “special sweet boys” and had just been fucked by Mick Jagger but she “No fuck Jaggaire when I with you”. Then she pulled out a package of pills from her sock (yes it was a full socks on shag) and lovingly offered YT two antibiotics “So you no get a syphilis”.
Fuck me and live the life. Next morning YT wakes up to the old itching horse prong and a terminal compulsion to piss. Down the Quack’s for the full Monty. Blood tests, wire probe up me dong (Christ that hurts), antibiotics by the shovel, never seen the old bastard so happy. Results come back, some Cairo pox or other, non specific (ie they don’t know what it is) and no specific cure. Keep taking the tablets and drink two litres of water a day for as long as. Good news is sufferers die with it rather than from it. Oh and no alcohol allowed old son. By the way who was your last partner? Mick Fucking Jaggaire.
Bastard Quack was right, over fifty years later and I still have my little love token from Mick (can I flog it on Ebay?). Like Jaggaire it returns from the dead for Stadium Performances only. Whenever YT gets run down, spot of flu, inflammation of me piles ect, it stages a comeback. Then I sod the Quack and drown it out with a bottle of single malt. A miserable time.
Schadenfreude. Not German techno but kraut for taking pleasure from the misery of others. The definition of a cunt. Hence me pleasure now at the decrepit state orf Jagger. Long lenses snap the ancient cunt wherever it goes or hides. Phizzog a ruin of classical proportions – old man’s ears, fading hair dye, skin wrinkled and creased like a bio-degraded condom. The last time I saw a cunt that decomposed it was on a mortuary slab being buggered by Jimmy Saville.
Tee fucking Hee.

Nominated by, Sir Limply Stoke

Admin note, Obviously “keep taking the pills and you will get over it” does not apply, Bad luck old man.

Paddy English football fans are cunts…
There’s nothing more irritating than some Bogtrotting twat from Potatoland gobbing off and moaning throughout a football match… These wankers always talk their shite loudly, they think they have a divine right to support United because of George Best, and they never, ever shut the fuck up… Think Alf Garnett’s Mick mate, Michael, in United megastore tat and you’ll get the picture… The celebrity type are also cunts too… That twat, Eamonn Holmes milking Fergie’s recent bad health… All over the media, squawking ‘I’m praying for my pal Sir Alex, So I am’…. What a fucking media whore cunt and a ‘lifelong red’? What part of Manchester or Salford is that fat cunt from?! and Dermot O’ Leary is as bad being a plastic Gooner… Hardcore Arsenal lifers must despise this cunt… Bullshitting about Wenger, saying how he cried twice when Wenger said his farewells at the Emirates? Fuck off!

And don’t get me started on English cunts who go around wearing Barcelona or Real Madrid shirts… Those pricks are just as bad….

Nominated by, Norman

As a bloke who just like to shop and go, why every time a rock up at the till ,any till, any store, I have a cunt in front? A cunt who has just packed up the shopping then is surprised they need to pay. Out comes the fucking bag, out comes the bastard purse after 10 mins card found, do you have a loyalty card? FUCK ME back in the purse CUNT. Old woman ohh its a lovely day just been to see my daughter blahh blahh just pay you old cunt and fuck off no-ones interested. My turn at last. ‘Do you need a bag?’ ‘No, she’s in the car! But I could use a pack of razors as I’ve grown a fucking beard waiting, you ugly fucking cunt.’
CUNTS

Nominated by Mr Kittons

A monumental cunting for the NGOs, Charities or whatever the fuck they are that deliver migrants to Europe in rescue boats.

These stupid, do-gooding fucking idiots are aiding and abetting the people smugglers of North Africa. They are probably even putting the smuggler’s prices and profits up by rescuing any boatload of unwanted vermin and guaranteeing them a crossing. The smuggler’s boats can be even less seaworthy because they only have to clear the Libyan beaches to reach a vessel chartered by the charitable idiots.

These are mostly not war refugees. They are the dregs of Africa who will drag wherever they settle down to their level, as they have done worldwide.

Deny the charitable cunts port of entry anywhere in Europe and fuck them off back to their friends in Africa, the cunts.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Am I missing something? Surely if the migrant rescue charities off the coast of Libya are there to save lives, they’d be returning the migrants to the nearest point of safety i.e. a beach in Libya.

Then the dozy cunts would have more time to pull a few more out of their sinking rubber dinghies. While they’re fucking about trying to gain access to a port in Greece or Italy or Malta or Spain, there are twenty times more drowning in the Med.

Makes no fucking sense.

Nominated by Pedantic Cunt