England are out. Semi finals of the World Cup. No shame in that.

But, as predictable as the passing of the seasons, the media build up then knock down the England football team with all their assembled cuntitude; a cuntitude pooled together from newspapers, TV, pundits and so-called fucking expert analysis.

The media reportage and structure of their coverage and tone of the English campaign can be summed up as follows:

Weeks before the WC:
“No one expects anything, even though we really do.”

After first narrow group win, vs middling Africans Tunisia:
“England already doing better than last tournament. So they might win the whole thing. Tunisia finished 8th in the Africa Cup of Nations, thus very tricky opponents.”

After emphatic second group win, vs canal dwellers Panama:
“England look the real deal. If Neymar is valued at £200m, Kane must be worth at least £4billion. Now, if we come second in the group, we can charter our route to the final only slightly more easily than we can charter our route to the final if we top the group. Either way, we are definitely planning for be final. Live coverage of Lightning Seeds a capella version of It’s Coming Home given focus on Radio 4.”

After the pens R16 knockout of bean-farming cheats Colombia:
“Let the unreasonable expectations begin. We endlessly and shamelessly bastardize everything of note in English cultural history to include Harry Kane’s face, such as the famous Lord Kitchener poster and Bernard Manning. Endless interviews with overhyped fans and digging up the corpses of long-forgotten England players like Paul Parker for that tasty optimistic soundbite.”

After the QF win against a very shit Sweden:
“We go nuclear. The world cup is so practically ours we should get the engraving process going now. Get every single middle-class presenter to feign an interest in England’s progress, especially cunts like Bill Turnbull. Expect populist references aplenty from politicians. Extend interviews to total fucking nutcases like the shitbanter geezercunt who halted his wedding to hashtag England’s win live, and that bloke who once got caught masturbating with Lampard’s flip flops.”

5mins after the defeat to Croatia:
“A nation stands saddened, but proud.”

20mins after the defeat to Croatia:
“A nation stands saddened, but proud… although Kane wasn’t so good tonight.”

1 hour after the defeat to Croatia:
“Southgate is a waistcoat wearing cunt, we only beat shit sides and we need an inquisition and a fucking scapegoat. Nothing less than the jugular. Did we mention how shite Harry Kane was?”
***
Hence the English media are absolute fucking cunts who without fail suck the joy right out of supporting England.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Yes it’s here. The social event of the decade for the right on, politically correct, and publicly virtuous extroverts of the British middle classes – Trump is coming, and it’s party time!

What’s not to like? You get to spend the day in a tribal throng making yourself feel good shouting at the straw man with golden hair erected by your peers. You can walk tall, knowing that you are better than others who don’t join in, those ignorant folk suffering from Stockholm Syndrome at the hands of the evil oppressor with the orange face.

Then when you get home you can read about how you are a part of a movement making the world a better place, you can see it on the TV. Look there I am! I am making a difference!

But suddenly the mist of self-aggrandisement clears. Who is this over-confident and self-righteous person really? What is really going on here?

For those of us who know, that sad truth is that hordes of people are protesting Trump because they don’t actually know what’s going on. They don’t know that conservative or traditional social values are very important. They want to believe that it’s a simple and easy thing to do what’s right, that they can go on a day out with their friends, write a few meaningless and shallow platitudes on a board, and that they are doing something worthwhile. But it’s much harder, and much more complicated than that.

Should they be pitied? The mostly childish and spoiled self-righteous gangs of what can only be accurately be called bullies fighting a cause created by self-interested rabble rousing champagne socialists? After all they are mostly young and mostly relatively ignorant. Maybe their heart is in the right place – after all didn’t most of us have more left wing views when we were younger? Maybe they should.

But the unfortunate reality is that they will be painted as the righteous in the pictures of the mainstream media. They will be described as the ones that care (while all the time they don’t really understand what taking it seriously actually means). Yet they will be the ones acting like cunts, trying to overturn by force and occasional violence the democratic and political process that has caused Mr Garrison to take office, and subsequently visit this country as a head of state. They have to believe that over 50% of voters fit the caricature of the selfish white person or gullible fool that has been created by their media stars and heroes.

It takes a lot of effort to understand the world, and a lot of humility. You won’t see this in the eyes and behaviour of most of these Trump protesters that we will soon be seeing on the telly and in the papers. What you will see is what can only be described as a bunch of morons, mindlessly following some bullshit narrative that has evolved from the inane chattering of the prosperous-enough-to-have-to-pretend-to-give-a-fuck classes.

Maybe not all of them are cunts, but a lot of them are, and most of them will appear to be cunts while they trawl the streets like zombies protesting something that they barely, if at all, understand.

Nominated by Cunting Rank Wags

I should like to cunt both new home builders and the utter fuckwits who buy their shitty products.

Due to importing enormous amounts of third-world dross and assorted Eurotrash, Britain is, supposedly, in a ‘housing crisis’. Funny that; when I’m out walking my dog, I see a great many houses that are clearly unnoccupied but the short-sighted governments (of either stripe) have stipulated that hundreds of thousands of these ghastly hovels have been to be thrown up in quadruple-quick time.
Most cunters here have, no doubt, been in one of these poor-constructed abortions. Yet who here would be dim enough to buy a brand new one?
You’ve more rights as a consumer buying a tin of tuna.
We all know the problems with these wank-boxes; twenty houses squeezed onto square footage fit only for six, thin walls, tiny rooms, gaps around windows, inadequate drainage; this list is practically endless.
Everyone with a half a brain knows this and yet these spastics still drop £400k on one of these gerbil cages and moan like fuck when they get ripped off.
Looking on Rightmove, a search of any given area will yield plenty of half-decent houses within a comparable price bracket, so why do these people do it?
Are they the sort of mongs who like to be seen to have an 18-plate lower-end Mercedes on the drive that they don’t own (£5k down and £400 a month with no ownership option) just to impress their wanker neighbours? I rather suspect so.

Nominated by Thomas the Cunt Engine

Learner drivers. Cunts. Every fucking single one.
And now they can drive on motorways….

I used to like motorway driving, when there were no learners on it.
Now I cannot even be a passenger on the motorway without having my piss boil at some idiot learner thinking their smart car is nine feet wide, randomly indicating (they would indicate ‘up’ if it was possible) or hovering around in the fast lane at 55 thinking that they are stuck “because no-one will let them out”.

They would have us believe that the test has become harder in recent years, but I don’t believe a fucking word of it. Stupidity abounds, please consider:

It would appear no-one knows what right of way is anymore.
It would appear no-one knows how a roundabout works anymore.
It would appear no-one knows what gears are for anymore.

Apparently reversing out around a corner onto a main road into oncoming traffic is ok.
Apparently 3 point turns in the centre lane at traffic lights is ok.
Many people consider the function of chair controls an opportunity to ape the late steven hawking.

It costs a million quid to pass your test now.
It costs a million quid to insure your car now.
Oh hold on, of course, they’ll be accompanied by an instructor…
Well that’s alright then, isn’t it.
Now we can all sleep easy at the wheel.

For fucks’ sake, are we talking about the elderly feller catching 40 winks next to the learner whilst using the spare pedals as a footrest, or are we talking about the instructor who’s financially going places impersonating dom jolly on his fucking mobile phone? Maybe it’s the feminatzi one who’s gonna show how to reverse park.

Get fucked the lot of you, and your examiners who perpetrate this nonsense by allowing people to sit their tests 20 times if necessary.

Call me unfair, but if you can’t get it after a couple of goes then I don’t think you should be risking my family’s life by fluking a pass at attempt 23.

I personally think that your first lesson should start with a slideshow of mangled bodies at car accidents followed by a tortuous hospital visit to those that survive said crashes (whilst they are still in ICU) followed by a harrowing visit to the bereaved.

Following that if you demonstrate at least a partial understanding of the inertia involved with 1 tonne of metal multiplied by 50 mph then you may begin.

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong and this is just the british answer to the van of peace.

Fucking simians.

Nominated by Cuntflap

Now, I know a lot of wimmin are fucking stupid, but this is taking the absolute piss…

Baby showers themselves are typical wimmin’s crap, but making a cake for the occasion?! In the shape of your baby?! What sort of warped and satanic shit is that?! People who make, eat, and enjoy cakes that are based on their own babies and real human beings should be fucking locked up.

Sick cunts…

Nominated by Norman