Media Hype of the England Football Team

England are out. Semi finals of the World Cup. No shame in that.

But, as predictable as the passing of the seasons, the media build up then knock down the England football team with all their assembled cuntitude; a cuntitude pooled together from newspapers, TV, pundits and so-called fucking expert analysis.

The media reportage and structure of their coverage and tone of the English campaign can be summed up as follows:

Weeks before the WC:
“No one expects anything, even though we really do.”

After first narrow group win, vs middling Africans Tunisia:
“England already doing better than last tournament. So they might win the whole thing. Tunisia finished 8th in the Africa Cup of Nations, thus very tricky opponents.”

After emphatic second group win, vs canal dwellers Panama:
“England look the real deal. If Neymar is valued at £200m, Kane must be worth at least £4billion. Now, if we come second in the group, we can charter our route to the final only slightly more easily than we can charter our route to the final if we top the group. Either way, we are definitely planning for be final. Live coverage of Lightning Seeds a capella version of It’s Coming Home given focus on Radio 4.”

After the pens R16 knockout of bean-farming cheats Colombia:
“Let the unreasonable expectations begin. We endlessly and shamelessly bastardize everything of note in English cultural history to include Harry Kane’s face, such as the famous Lord Kitchener poster and Bernard Manning. Endless interviews with overhyped fans and digging up the corpses of long-forgotten England players like Paul Parker for that tasty optimistic soundbite.”

After the QF win against a very shit Sweden:
“We go nuclear. The world cup is so practically ours we should get the engraving process going now. Get every single middle-class presenter to feign an interest in England’s progress, especially cunts like Bill Turnbull. Expect populist references aplenty from politicians. Extend interviews to total fucking nutcases like the shitbanter geezercunt who halted his wedding to hashtag England’s win live, and that bloke who once got caught masturbating with Lampard’s flip flops.”

5mins after the defeat to Croatia:
“A nation stands saddened, but proud.”

20mins after the defeat to Croatia:
“A nation stands saddened, but proud… although Kane wasn’t so good tonight.”

1 hour after the defeat to Croatia:
“Southgate is a waistcoat wearing cunt, we only beat shit sides and we need an inquisition and a fucking scapegoat. Nothing less than the jugular. Did we mention how shite Harry Kane was?”
Hence the English media are absolute fucking cunts who without fail suck the joy right out of supporting England.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

63 thoughts on “Media Hype of the England Football Team

  1. Fucking right!

    It’s a huge machine that tells people what they want to hear.

    Oh and the commentators are mostly morons, though there are exceptions.

    And why do they always describe a player by saying “the likes of”?

    • So the vibrant and diverse three lions lose 2-1 after extra time. The result was surely too close to call. We must have a re match until we get the result we are looking for. Perhaps a ‘people’s world cup’ to allow us to have a say in the final?

      We should try again, as apparently the boys didn’t know what they were playing for, Lies and half truths abound regarding the opponents and what would happen to the economy, jobs, the NHS, etc etc if we’re to leave.

      Has anyone in the FA triggered the FIFA equivalent of article 50? Do they know we are leaving?

      Following the result has the head of the FA resigned? Clearly it was not the result he campaigned for during the tournament and now must feel duty bound to hand over the reigns to someone else to steer the good ship England thro the choppy waters of EgWCexit.

      Has the government set up a department for exiting the World Cup?

      Are there going to be acts passed in House of Thieves, following legal challenges by Gina Miller or other ‘Patriots’ who just want the fans to have a say in the final outcome?

      Have any of the waistcoat wearing ones back room staff quit following the disagreements over the content of the white paper regarding the tactics and approach England displayed in the second half of the game?

      What’s Vince Cable, Kier Starmer, Sourberry and Cuntbells view on the outcome?

      Has Sir Gary of Linekunt expressed a sporting, non political view of the whole sorry thing?

      So many questions, so little answers.

  2. Great moment on Remoaner Time last night when that Tory bitch Perry tried to lick the pleb arse by referring to “ Gareth Southgate and the British Lions.”

    What a fucking embarrassment.
    Fucking posh cunts trying to be working class……they haven’t got a fucking clue.

    • Christ Freddie, that was fucking painful, was it not? So cringeworthy I had to look away at the screen.

      It was clear the cunt had no idea who they were either; referring to the team as the ‘British Lions’. Fucking cunt.

    • Perry is a posh Cuntess true but she looks good for 54 and I wouldnt mind 5 minutes in a dark room with her teaching her the ins and outs of a very hard and painful Brexit.

  3. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the gaggle of cunts on QT last night. The sound a sight of that gloating gibbon Miller would have been a little too overwhelming.

    Thus I retired to bed with a reasonably even temper.

    • I always record to watch later… no way I’d sleep otherwise. And viewing in small chunks allows for vital piss cooling breaks…

    • Likewise Paul, would do my head in. Must try and protect my sanity as I get older.

  4. GOD BLESS 🇺🇸

    God bless Donald Trump.

    Get me some de ice. Time to melt some snow 🌨

  5. The media are full of Sycophantic cunts and the hype surrounding Englands world cup run was farcical. The semi finals are just another match you can only ever win the trophy in the final but you can certainly lose it in any other match if its a knockout game.
    If we had reached the final that’s the time to build the hype mention laying the ghosts of 1966, Geoff Hurst, Alf Ramsey, 1990,etc to rest but until the final just let it build naturally because as a fan of most clubs in England know we lose more than we win. The big Premier league clubs win the most but even Norman following Man Utd has suffered the pain of Final defeat just not as much as other clubs but at least they were in the final.
    My team is Pompey and when we got to the FA Cup final in 2008 that was the pinnacle of me following them but of course winning it sent me into orbit but until we got to the final it really was a slow build up of excitement.
    England should have been treated the same but our media was using the football as a big distraction from the Brexit fiasco

    • Strongest England team ever (in pure footie skill terms) was the 1970 squad.Even Pele said that England team was the only thing his lethal Brazil squad feared.

      • I’d have to say our 2002 team was the zenith. Stevie G, Beckham, Owen, Seaman et al. Whoever won that quarter final was destined to go on and win it.

      • The 82 side was a good ‘un and they went home unbeaten… Players like Robson, Brooking, Mariner, Francis, Coppell, Thompson, Wilkins, Neal, McDermott, Mills, Shilton etc… If only that cunt Keegan hadn’t missed that open goal against Spain… The England shirt back then (the Admiral one) was also fucking ace…

      • And if only that 96 side (featuring Shearer and Sheringham on fire and a peak of his powers Gazza) stayed intact for the 98 World Cup and El Tel had remained as boss… Instead that crank Hoddle took over and brought in shite like David Batty, Darren Anderton, and that Le Saux cunt….

  6. Not the first time lying politicians have made cunts of themselves trying to jump on the football bandwagon. There was lifelong Newcastle supporter Phoney Tony who fondly remembered watching Jackie Milburn, despite the fact he retired 3 years after The Great One was born. Then there was Eton poshboy Dave “Pigshagger” Cameron , lifelong Aston Villa fan who, in the middle of a speech , decided they were called West Ham United. To be fair they do wear the same colours and him and his pal Boris were in the middle of giving the Olympic Stadium away to those pornographer shysters at the time. No doubt he had big brown envelopes on his mind.
    Politicians should stick to lying, arselicking and filling their pockets with our money. It’s what they do best. The cunts.

    • How dare you suggest West Ham “Championship material” United acquired that huge, massive, hugely-beneficial, luxurious gift of a stadium for buttons. Slanderous.

      And it’s spelt “Pigfucker”, actually.

  7. Well done to England but at the end of the day the lack of REAL quality, enough to keep the pressure up, was lacking. After going 1 nowr up v a very nervous looking Croatia they played some good stuff but threw away 2/3 great chances to really seal victory. But with the likes of nancy boy Sterling not for some reason having the quality to finish them off. Croatia got the message in the 2nd half and looked far and away the better side. By the time extra time came along England were all but fooked. John Stones was so knackered he couldn’t even be arsed to turn round when the ball went over for their 2nd goal. Nevertheless they done real good but to win a World Cup you generally have to be real real good. I doubt we would have been good enough for France but I hope Croatia stick it right up their garlicky ring holes. Cunts. As for bbcqt I saw the line up and thought……. nah. Can’t afford another new telly yet. Cunts, again.

  8. Am I alone in wishing for an extinction level event in Westminster ? I think not.
    Good morning.

  9. Sadiq Khan on the telly now saying there is no link between immigration and rising crime. Fuck off you fifth columnist cunt.

    • Just as theres no link between shagging 50 pooftahs a day up the arse and catching aids.I thought Boris was a cunt of a Mayor but Sado Khunt makes him look like Churchill,Thatcher,Cromwell and the black prince all rolled into one.

      • I have a horrible suspicion Sadiq Khunt is being groomed as the next Labour leader once Werzel realises he’s not wanted any more and/or kicks the bucket.

        He’s getting loads of publicity (most of which the Left and the Right-On snowflakes would see as positive).

        If he did become Labour leader he could well become PM now that the Tories have self-destructed and don’t have any one to stand up to Khunt at the next election (unless Moggy suits up)

    • Fucking arse. Surely the law of averages says if a country’s population goes up so will the crime.

  10. It only goes to show how little backbone any cunt in supposed UK Power has. No fucking pride. As true as the Donald is, if there was any in the job Treeza or that peaceful cunt had in themselves they should say Fuck Off you orange cunt go run your own country. Cunts cower like kittens to a Rottweiler.

    Wander what he says to Maam and Phil the greek.

  11. I am still more than perplexed why Sterling was so prominent in the England line-up throughout the WC despite the fact he hasn’t scored a goal for England since 2015, and is shit at finishing!

    As for the media hype – well it’s unavoidable, and I suppose in some respects the hype, the glory, the optimism acts as a temporary distraction for people totally pissed off with life and the world around them!

    But England did well to get to the SFs – critics will say we had an easy ride, but then again that is why they’re called critics – or cynical cunts, I would prefer to call them!

    The popular press and the masses = pimp and prozzy = one gets rich: one gets constantly fucked over!

    • Sterling is a sprinter not a footballer.He belongs as back up to the 4x100m relay squad.

  12. I reckon UKIP should reduce their joining fee to 1 guinea in order for people to highlight their dissatisfaction with this shower of political buffoonery we have. Show the traitors if they don’t buck up they’re out. Cunts.

  13. Football Commentators are obviously paid by the word……….why else spout so much shite!

    • Indeed…”Never mind the quality, feel the width” springs to mind with all the crap I’ve been hearing (not actually been listening to, mind) over past weeks.

      “It’s coming home”….slightly deflated ?

      Waistcoats – aaaargh, just like Fick Mick Farter in Neverenders.

      AS for Gary Taxdodger, he should take up potholing in the next rainy season. The CUUUUNT.

  14. Stupid cunts becoming football experts every two years by repeating shit they heard on the telly, arseholes suddenly wearing waistcoats, mentally retarded dullards mouthing “it’s coming home”, smarmy Gary fucking Taxdodger……..thank fuck that’s over.
    Next year it’s the Rugby World Cup and more instant sporting experts.
    Did you see Japan versus Argentina last night? No I fucking didn’t and I don’t want to fucking hear about it ok ?

    • All bread and circuses… no coincidence that Chequers and publication of white paper timed to cash in on UK semi-final hysteria, ho ho.

      • Maybot’s Chequers meeting I think will go down as her “coming home…from Munich” moment.

        JC I feckin despise that woman with a vengeance.

        I REALLY will have a party when she gets hanged upside down from a lamp post

  15. Suckdick on sky TV trying to justify the baby trump balloon?
    Pathetic cunt!!
    Keeps talking about freedom of speech? Priceless…..

    • He also got in the standard ‘immigration has enriched our society ‘ bollocks. A cunt of cunts.

      • I bet he wouldn’t be saying that if he lived in one of those ghetto shitholes on his turf!

      • Heard the cunt on the radio this morning. he was challenged on the balloon bollocks but not robustly, which is often the way nowadays with the right-on BBC.
        He is a sickening little sniveller. My only comfort is that London deserves him. The cunt.

      • Suckdick says that immigration has enriched Blighty?
        Well, if enrichment means turning every town centre into an Iron Curtain style shithole, peaceful human filth raping girls and also murdering them at pop concerts, and scores of euromuck, parking stanleys, and bogo-bogos infesting the welfare and housing systems and the NHS like a dose of Colarado Beetle, then yes, we have been well and truly fucking enriched…

      • Indeed he did!!!
        He also slipped in a few diversity’s!!! CUNT that he is….

    • Every day that passes in which Sadiq Khan’s name is not featured in the obituaries is a ruined day, as far as I am concerned.

      • Good old Henry VIII would have had Appeaser May, Suckdick, Branson, Banana Gob,Lily Mong, Fanny Izzard, all of BBC news, and Smarmy Lineker’s heads off, and all for high treason…

  16. I wouldn’t worry too much.Give it a few years and we’ll be able to support thre United States of Europe team. I’d imagine that the team will mainly consist of darkie Frogs and Ubermensch Krauts with the odd Wop and Dago chucked in for good luck. In our position as a vassal state our players will not be eligible to play for the team,but perhaps we’ll be allowed to send a Brit to lick the boots clean. We’d best get used to that….The future’s not bright,the future’s capitulation.

    Fuck them.

    • French and Belgians are almost there, a mish-mash half bakes, peaceful types and those who answered the call to play from ex colonial outposts of the Dark Continent.

      • Good point LL. I noticed during the obligatory line up before the Belgians semi that there wasn’t a single ‘pale’ skinned player in the whole fucking team. Not one! I don’t usually look out for these things or really watch football but that stood out to me. I always thought Belgium was in Europe but my geography teacher was obviously shit at his job.

    • Don’t you mean ‘vessel’ state Dick? At least hat’s what one thick cunt on the radio referred to it as yesterday, haw haw.

    • Merkel’s head could be used as a football; it looks quite…leathery, just
      needs a bit of lacing on it.

      The winners can drink juice out of her rancid cunt.

      I dare say there will be a Druncker Memorial Match. He looks about ready for the “off.”

  17. Dixon and Neville were the worst for it. Those two need to fuck off. Why does Gary Neville have such a good reputation anyway – he’s so boring he makes watching paint dry as exciting as watching the 1970 Brazil team. At least Robbie Savage is entertaining even if he is an idiot.

  18. What is this ‘england team’ that I keep hearing about despite my best efforts to avoid all mainstream TV at this time of year? I’ve been having happy time watching fluffy/frothy Christmas films on Movies 24 this month. Beats the fucking news hands down.

  19. Some really good news. Crowdfunder has exceeded the target of £50,000 for Suckdick Khunt’s balloon by over £1,000. There is now a new stretch target so the more money raised over £50K, the bigger the balloon!

    Let that baby fly, yeh!

    • Hopefully they’ll be able to afford a deluxe version with Suckdick suckin’ on Mohammed’s ding-dong.

  20. Getcha salmon and quinoa salad recipe here…

    Stuffed at football? There’s still some shapely British heroines grunting and squeaking . One of them is called Keothavong, apparently. That’ll be the Derbyshire Keothavongs, I guess.


  21. Reaching the semi-finals sounds like a reasonable achievement, especially when you’re basically playing with ten men, but the only real opposition they faced came from Columbia. Sweden had nothing to offer and Croatia had nothing either.
    Raheem Sterling at international level is a complete waste of space. He hasn’t got the temperament. You can read his mind as the ball comes to him. “Oh the whole world is watching me. What should I do? Should I do this or should I try that? Let me see now.” And by the time he’s finished dithering, the chance has gone.
    England will never get a better chance of appearing in a final. Croatia are an average side who were supposed to run out of gas toward the end of the game. Instead England, who should have been three up at half time, folded like a pack of cards and threw in the towel. A unique opportunity wasted, and one that Croatia didn’t deserve. The only way that France can fail to win on sunday is if they don’t turn up.

    • Croatia have a good team actually. Rakitic, Modric, Mandzukic, Perisic are all quality players with plenty of experience.

      • Croatia are no mugs, I agree… But why is it when TV commentators try to say ‘Perisic’ they sound like Sean Connery saying ‘Pair of tits’?…

    • Agree 100 %
      England should have been home and hosed by halftime….
      Croatia are a decent team with a strong midfield but no more than that….
      I hope Croatia beat those cheese eating surrender monkeys on Sunday……..

  22. Discrete gentleman buyer seeks unwanted natty waistcoats, best prices paid. Any quantity considered.

  23. Let’s see if Sadiq Khan gives permission for his balloon namesake to fly.Some how I very much doubt it the double standards of New Labour watch health and safety & race issues kick into gear. England were lucky to finish 4th in the World Cup we were in the last 2 matches absolutely dreadful.

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