30 % less fat Cheddar Cheese is a right Cunt.

It doesn’t taste right, the block breaks up when you try and grate it, it doesn’t melt and bubble like full fat Cheddar and it looks like plastic, but the missus keeps fucking buying it, the cunt!!!

‘We don’t want you having another heart attack, do we?’ she fucking warbles, as if she’s fully cognizant with my thought processes.

Fucking fascist in a frock.

30% less fat Cheddar, Cunt Cheese for Cunts.
Get To Fuck.

Nominated by Jack The Cunter

Tiny Tim was a cunt…

Don’t know why I thought of him just now, but that Tiptoe Through The Tulips squealing cunt freaked me out when I was a kid….

What a cunt he was…

Nominated by Norman

A nomination for Alfie Howard-Hughes and his twat of a mother.

I read about him in The Times today – he has hair all the way down his back and has been told that he must get it cut if he wants to enter Colchester Royal Grammar School. His mother has said that if necessary, he will wear it in a plait, a bun or a hairnet, because he ‘absolutely does not want it cut.’

Alfie has said it is “a part of him”, and is determined to turn up on his first day of school with his hair still intact.

“It’s never been a thing in my mind.. it has always been there. My hair is a part of me. I don’t just want to do it so I can keep my hair but I want to do it for other boys who have long hair.”

His mum, Katy Cox, 33, has called the policy “ridiculous” and accused the school of making “carbon copies” of the children.
She said: “Rules keep our children safe and that’s important but some rules need to be challenged otherwise we would be living in a cave.

His mum added: “I think I remember watching other children screaming when they had their hair cut and I thought I would never do that to my child. I wanted to leave it up to him when and if he wanted his hair cut and that never came.
“It’s not my hair it’s his hair, it’s part of who he is.” etc etc etc….

Well fuck off, the school dress and appearance code is set and if you don’t like it, then he can go to the local comprehensive and probably get the crap kicked out of him for looking like a twat. His parents will probably take legal action for breach of the spoilt little bastard’s yoooman rights, and sadly, will no doubt win.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

MENSA is a weird cult of cunts, isn’t it?

Recently I had an invitation to a MENSA pub gathering in London and, as I always found those daft tests unchallenging (which shape is next, foodstuff anagrams, doable maths), I went along. Perhaps they sat about getting pissed, discussing football and telling filthy jokes, I pondered.

Alas, no.

A gaggle of overweight, middle-class academics sat about readying to outdo each other. An olfactory cocktail of halitosis and urine-stained kecks informed the air around a committee of pompous, autistic singletons capable of endless talk of electrons or semiotics, though unable to sew on a button or make an omelette.

Some had beards and wore trainers, most had noticeably ill-fitting trousers, refusing to notice their slowing expanding girths. Avid Guardian-readers, avid Antiques Roadshow-watchers, avid Remainiacs, these elitist eggheads had the social skills of farmers and were just as unhygienic, opinionated, and smelly. One large, mildewed man even began opining about God’s love. Another said he hated books; a spidery woman said she hadn’t seen a film in a decade.

From the very few women, there was one actual looker in her 40s but she obsessively talked about textiles, didn’t stop twitching, and smelt of ham.

These dreary, highfalutin stiffs had no fight about them yet could weaken any opposition with their droning on about geology, the history of the Popes, or 11th century bannisters, whilst occasionally spraying the listener with warm spittle.

Why are they determined to satisfy the stereotype? Why the pride in a deficiency of social interaction? Why the unpleasant, belligerent bouquet, an odour of spoiled food, urine, and sewage?

I made my excuses and left.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous