Prince Andrew
Honestly, what a card that ‘Air Miles’ Andy is, a proper, honest-to-goodness duckin’ an’ divin’ diamond geezer, ain’t he though.
He’s not content with remaining embroiled in the sleazy Epstein affair, with the Feds breathing down his sweaty neck. Oh dear me, no. He’s only gone and gotten more lawyers on his case now, and he’s got his chancing sidekick Fat Fergie in tow on this one.
According to meeja reports, the Dodgy Duo is being sued for £6.7 mill. with regard to an unpaid bill that’s months overdue on a 7 bedroom luxury chalet in Verbier. My, how the other half live. The original owner, who retains a share in the pad, is said to ‘have run out of patience’, and started court proceedings to get Randy and his bird to cough up what they owe him. It now seems that they’ll be ‘reluctantly forced to sell’ to meet the debt obligation, as their ‘income streams have dried up’ in the wake of the Epstein scandal.
Well it looks like another p.r. car crash for good ol’ Andy. Perhaps he just forgot about it; after all, £6.7 mill. is a mere bagatelle, and the poor boy’s had a lot on his plate of late. By his own admission, he’s ‘too honourable’ for it to be anything else.
I find it appropriate to be writing these words having just observed the VE Day two minute silence in honour of the gallantry of that generation all those years ago. I’m sure that they’d be proud to observe that their spirit of sacrifice in the service of the nation lives on in our very own selfless Prince of the Realm. What an example he’s set us all for so long with his tireless devotion to duty.
I’m sure that his dear old Mam (Gawd bless ‘er) is equally proud. Erm, well, perhaps not THAT proud if truth be told. I suppose that at the end of the day, a mother has to love her child, but speaking for myself, I find it hard to feel anything but profound contempt for this selfish, charmless waster. If this oafish tosspot was my son, I’d have spent the last half century regretting the fact that I didn’t pull out sooner on the fateful night.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Capitalism again. Firstly I better say that I would of course like to see a ‘scaling up’ of any vaccine for this Coronavirus. Scaled up for the whole world.

You often hear it on ‘Dragon’s Den’ or ‘The Apprentice’-‘But can it be scaled up?’ Or ‘I have contacts that can scale this up’. I remember once one of the ‘Dragons’ getting 50% of someone’s company with the promise of being able to ‘scale it up’. This is the problem with our modern day Capitalism. What we need to is SCALE THINGS DOWN. Or keep things to scale. Keep things in balance.

To make my point again I have a very apt example. I was watching ‘Can’t Pay, Won’t Pay’ the debt recovery programme. They turned up at his house in the morning-rather comical his efforts to hide but they got in in the end (though he still desperately held out for a while). Asked what the problem was? Globes. A new globe digitised or something. It looked good. I might have bought one. It was his own idea.

Anyway, he had sunk everything into this and initially it had taken off. He was advised to ‘scale it up’. Then there was some problem…can’t remember but the orders dried up. Now he was on the verge of losing his house..Then he showed the ‘enforcers’ the cellar, the bedrooms, the garage and there they all were globes globes globes.

See that is the problem. The impulse or the encouragement (so hard to define properly) from a Capitalistic mindset to produce as much as possible, to ‘cash in’. This is my opportunity for Global domination (in globes). I have got to take my chance, I have got to risk it. I have produce globes for the whole Globe.

That is the modern mindset encouraged by Capitalism.

Now if we lived in a calmer more normal world he could have produced these globes and offered them to friends and family and if they were popular maybe sell them out of a shop in the locality. That would be normal, that would have given him ease of mind.
The image of Charlie Chaplin comes to mind -bouncing the globe from off his fingertips.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

Fat cunts very much deserve a nomination. Over the past few months, since he rsplit and ultimate divorce from her husband, Adele has lot several stones in weight. Good for her us normal might think. And to be honest, the new slimline Adele looks pretty good. Unfortunately, people who aren’t normal, SJW’s etc, are not thinking “good for her”. They’re slagging her off. Yes, you read that. Worse still, these sad, demented pricks are accusing anyone who dares compliment for improving her health and reducing the chances of her suffering weight related issue in later life of being “fat phobic”. I mean what the actual fuck are these retards on? Apart from a dozen Big Mac meals a day. With a side order of double fish and chips. And a diet coke.

Some are saying that she lost weight because of mental health issues. I say that the only ones with mental health issues are the dumb shits who have gone into a rage at Adele for losing even an ounce in weight. The fact is, fat phobia is not what’s at work here, it’s thin phobia. We have an entire generation of people who have been raised to believe that being the size of a walrus is not a bad thing, when medical evidence suggests that it very much is a bad thing. Being obese can cause joint problems, heart disease, diabetes and a whole range of other ailments. I’ve super massive fatties using mobility scooters because they are too fat to walk.

Some people are fat due to medical conditions. But most are not and my philosophy on obesity has always been that if you want to be as fat as fuck, that’s up to you. We live in age where the dangers of it are well known. If you’re one of those people who is obese through being a greedy cunt, then you accept the risks. Don’t expect me to pay your medical bills though when you inevitably get struck down by gout or diabetes or one of the other illnesses associated with being fat. Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you when the ambulance and fire services have to demolish your bedroom wall, lift you onto a reinforced trolley with a crane and load into the back of an ambulance that’s had to be adapted for use by two ton Tony’s.

Being fat is nothing to be proud of. It’s certainly nothing to be celebrated. And it definitely does NOT give you the right to criticise people who decide that they want to lead a healthier lifestyle. That’s THEIR choice, just like most fatties have chosen to shovel vast amounts of food into their mouths. And then they actually demand that we respect their lifestyle choice. Well why the fuck should we, when they don’t respect Adele’s choice to stop being fat? And let’s not forget, the people currently whingeing about “fat phobia” are the same cunts who whinge about fat shaming. Well, if it bothers you, then you’re clearly not as secure in your obesity are you constantly claim to be.

What this boils down to is jealousy. They see Adele looking pretty attractive with her new, slimmed down body and a lot of them wish they could do the same. Well, they could. If they had enough will power to resist the urge to endlessly shovel junk food into their gaping maws. So, fuck you, you thin shaming cunts. Go back to your dozen mega sized pizzas and mind your own fucking business.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Joe Biden
What a slimy piece of crud this lying, plagiaristic would-be leader of the free world is.

His latest attempts to distract attention from his hypocritical past – using a speech by Neil Kinnock and claiming it as his own, claiming to have been arrested in South Africa in an attempt to visit Nelson Mandela, denying sexually assaulting former members of his staff – is to play the race card.

He has demanded “justice” for a black jogger who was shot dead in February by a former policeman in Georgia. The local official who decided not to prosecute the killer does seem to have screwed up but his decision has now been overturned.

However, this sudden interest by Biden who says his “heart went out” to the dead man´s family is cynical bullshit and aims to get black voters on his side.

Biden blatantly used black Democrats as voting fodder in the primaries in a way that would have been regarded as racist if he had singled out say Irish-Americans, Italian-Americans or Polish-Americans.

I hope Trump tramples all over his mean little face and suspiciously Jurgen Klopp-like pearly gnashers.

Nominated by Mr Polly