Category Archives: Christmas

Santa Claus [3]

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It is true! Santa is a cunt!

If he could be bothered to do his job properly he wouldn’t have to use cunts like Yodel and the Post Office, so stuff would arrive on Xmas morning as its supposed to, saving us all the hassle of spending 45 mins on hold to finaly get hold of some young wanker that can’t be arsed and doesn’t give a fuck only to find yourself talking to a fucking telephonic abyss and then having to start again listening to fucking greensleeves and your call is important to us before being diverted to fresh pesh from Bangladesh who you then get cut off from,so you give up……

So santa is a cunt. The one thing he has to do and he fucks it up!

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

Amazon at Christmas

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Just think of poor little Jonny on Xmas day, he rushes down to the tree to see if Santa has been and delivered his Xbox, he has been a good boy all year, he wrote his letter to Santa and cannot contain his excitement…

He rushes down the stairs, “has he been? has he been?” he proclaims…

Under the tree is nothing, not one present. Jonny cannot work this out, he had been a good boy.
He asks his MUm, “Why did Santa not come?”

“Jonny”, she replies, “he uses Royal Mail & Yodel to deliver his presents,” “and they have not arrived. Remember when you wrote to santa on-line in September, asking for an Xbox?”

“Yes mummy”

“Well everything is on-line now, even Santa’s deliveries come from the magical elfs’ factory, known as Amazon. He does not guarantee delivery by Xmas”

Happy fucking Christmas Jonny!

Nominated by:Boaby

Christmas Adverts

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John Jewis Christmas Ad 2015

I’d like to cunt xmas fucking adverts, fuck off! Especially as they start towards the end of October.

Cliche after fucking cliche portraying a fucking fantasy that exists only in the heads of the fucking idiots who make them. Anyone’s Xmas is bound the be an anti -climax after enduring 8 weeks of the mind numbing shiite.

I noticed this year they are trying to big up Easter now – and as for halloween: Fuck off!

Nominated by: Ozymandias

Christmas Telly

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Ever wondered why we eat and drink so much on Christmas Day? Well, it’s simple – it’s because there’s fuck all on the telly, that’s why!

Repeats of old comedy ‘classics’, repeats of old films, fucking Eastenders and Corrie (at least 5 times a day), Doctor fucking Who, Downton pissing Abbey and loads more crap, crap and more crap.

And don’t start me on the films! Independence Day, Jurassic fucking Park, ET, Shrek, 95 Carry On films, Star Trek (the original shite films), Back to the sodding Future, and dozens of other overcooked Christmas turkeys that they roll out every year. It’s fucking shite, that’s what it is.

65% of the BBC schedule this year is repeats because they know there’s nobody watching. And why is nobody watching? Because it’s all repeats and shite. It’s a vicious circle like a cunt with teeth.

Yep, Christmas telly is a right cunt. Watch it today and tell me I’m wrong…

Nominated by: Dioclese

The usual Xmas Telly will be on this year…

TOTP Xmas Special (presented by some Fearn Cotton type tart and with no guitars and drums whatsoever)
The Queen (The usual pointless babbling. While the rest of Blighty is in the shit with the wretched Coalition)
Strictly Come Mincing (A load of ‘look at me’ cunts and nothing more)
Doctor Who (Now known as The Clara Show, thanks to that Moffat cunt. Shite villains guaranteed)
EastEnders (‘I’m avin an affair! Is me sister me mum? You slaaag! Murder! etc)
Some Yank ‘Blockbuster (ie: crap)’ film

Nominated by: Norman

Christmas

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I would like to cunt christmas in general, and all the lazy work shy fuckwits that are already peddling the excuse ‘its christmas’ for not actually doing what they are paid to do.

Unless you have been to church the preceding 51 Sundays, only an uber cunt would claim they are christian and go along with the whole charade and celebrate accordingly. Its basically just another form of religious terrorism, being forced to give people time off to spend money they don’t have on people they couldn’t give a fuck about, and drink heavily. 3 weeks of productivity down the shitter for me. I loath religion and its fucked up traditions so very, very much.

And don’t get me started on New Year celebrations.

BACK TO WORK FUCKERS!!!!

Nominated by: The Captain

Call me Scrooge but I fucking hate Christmas. Kids in general seem to be getting greedier and greedier competing to see who can get the most expensive presents, the latest phones, games consoles etc. My wife spends and spends, like you say money we haven’t got, then its me that has to work all the hours god sends to pay off the debt.

Christmas really is a cunt. Bah Humbug !

Nominated by: Cuntface