A few months ago I wrote a nomination regarding new “smart prison” – HMP Five Wells, which to my mind is nothing more than a hugely expensive hotel!

Well now it seems Five Wells is just part of a New Prisons Programme whereby a further 5 smart prisons are to be built at locations across the UK.

The latest one will cost £400m (probably £700m in reality) and will be built in East Yorkshire, with a “grand opening” in mid 2025.

The hotel… sorry, prison will have:-

“..an unprecedented array of workshops and classrooms, so prisoners spend their time behind bars learning new skills to find work on release.

It will also be the first new prison to operate as zero-carbon in the future, with an all-electric design, solar panels, heat pumps and more efficient lighting systems to reduce energy demand significantly.”

The construction will create hundreds of jobs including:-

“… at least 50 roles earmarked for ex-offenders – giving them the opportunity to rebuild their lives, gain new skills and get back on the straight and narrow.”

It will be interesting if this progressive attitude towards imprisonment, punishment and rehabilitation actually produces the results they anticipate. But quite honestly it does make me wonder why honest citizens always have to struggle to keep up with the cost of living and energy crisis while prisoners can enjoy a few months/years behind “bars” (which probably won’t exist at these places) knowing that they’ll get 3 meals a day, a nice warm dorm (no longer called a cell), internet access, courses, crafts and jobs.

Add to that those lucky old dinghy riders who have done nothing for the country but instead will be invited to stay at another type of hotel, this time 4* ones – one star below these “smart prisons”

If you can’t pay your electric or gas bills over winter simply default, plead guilty and hope you end up in one of these places for a couple of years!

Who said crime doesn’t pay?

Construction Enquirer News Link

Nominated by : Technocunt

Manchester United are cunts. (Without even looking at the author, I just knew this nom was from our Norm – Day Admin)

I have heard all the usual crap: ‘New season! New manager! New start!’
Well, all I can see is the same rapacious vermin owners, the same ineptitude and lack of ambition, and the same array of festering turds on the team sheet.

First of all, Erik Ten Thingy. It wouldn’t matter if he was the greatest manager going (which I don’t think he is!), not even Sir Matt (RIP) or Cloughie (RIP) could do anything with the useless pieces of shit on United’s books.

Which leads us to the players themselves. Lazy, arrogant, slack arsed cunts like McGuire and Rashford have got yet another second chance. Yet they just stroll around with their usual ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude. Pissing in the face of the new manager and the supporters.

McGuire is the worst defender and captain in our club’s history. And Rashford is a useless turd. They are not the only ones though. Sacks of shit like McTominay, Fred, Shaw, Bruno, and Dalot should be put down and sold for glue. When Brighton and Hove Albion can bully Man United at Old Trafford and play them off the park, then you know you are well and truly fucked and your team isn’t worth a shite.

Then there is the Glazers and their laughable ‘input’. As usual, the United of modern times go for some mercenary cunt who doesn’t want to play for the club unless he’s paid enough (some cunt called Frankie De Schlong).

So, they don’t get him and they have no other options. So they panic at the last minute go for yet another joke of a 30 odd year old relic of a striker that no cunt has ever heard of.

Once this club signed daredevils and heroes like Hughes, Cantona, Van Nisterlrooy, Keane, and Robson. Now we are lucky if we get some Brentford reject. An absolute joke. We know the owners are scum, human leeches. But surely nearly 20 years of piss taking is enough?

I will say now, that this team of cunts will not get a Top 4 place, they will not win a major trophy, and they will not play in the old United tradition. The new ‘start’ and the new manager doesn’t change a thing.

You can put a ribbon around a turd. But, at the end of the day, it is still a turd. No wonder Ronaldo wants to fuck off. (And relax! – Day Admin)

Nominated by: Norman

(Fucking ‘ell Norm, the season is only 1 game in at time of writing and already you’re ready to top yourself! – Day Admin)

(Update: Sorry, should say TWO games in… – Day Admin)

BBC Sports Link 1

‘A joke’, ‘bullied’ & ‘rotten’ – are Man Utd at rock bottom?

Salman Rushdie, knifed in the neck, possibly more than once, near a place called Buffalo, a city in N.Y. State. (That place is distinctively familiar, for some reason??)

The Fatwa has been in place since 1988 and is still out for the author of the Satanic Verses. And Allah, ( Bless them both!) and all those rag heads, have been waiting for this moment, for all these years, to get their revenge.

Who’s been paying for this cunts protection, over the last thirty five years? Suicidal Sid, from Viz made me laugh, when he wore the T. shirt “ I am Salman Rushdie” back in the 80’s. But I guess some, have no sense of humour. Cunts!

Nominated by: Lord Scunthorpe

BBC News Link

Supported by: Mild-Mannered Reporter, Cunt Kent.

An EMERGENCY CUNTING please for HADI MATAR, the heap of stinking pigshit that allegedly knifed Salman Rushdie

Never been a fan of Rushdie myself, always struck me as a know-it-all cunt, but anybody who stands up for freedom of thought and expression, especially against the you-know-who, scores points with me.

Let’s hope Rushdie lives to annoy them another day.

Guardian News Link

Love him or hate him, you have to admit Jeremy Corbyn can still throw some shapes for an old ‘un:

I don’t approve of all this effnic bollocks, but just imagine Dame Kweer dancing – he would grab his wife around her Playtex girdle, flashing his Sterident “have- a-nice-day” smile while doing something like this:

The Veleta (old time sequence dance) – YouTube

With his tuxedo, Brylcreem, corset and cummerbund, he will look the epitome of between the wars (Boer and WW 1) chic. You can smell the mothballs from here.(You paint a very vivid picture. Is this something you did as a lad? – Day Admin)

The more you see of Dame Kweer and his dissembling, and downright lies, the more you miss Steptoe’s naive frankness. At least he meant what he said, so we could be forewarned, you can’t believe a word that comes out of Kweer’s lipsticked mouth. Like all fair to middling conmen, he will take a good number in.

At least with Jezza, you wouldn’t get Eddie Izzard as an MP, let alone Equalities Minister. (We have a scheduled nom about him/her/it coming soon – Day Admin)

The best we can hope for, given his obsession with lesbian football is that on Sunday night the police announce a 59 year old man has been taken into custody for being found stark bollock naked in the ladies changing room at Wembley, knocking one out as he sniffs the captain’s soiled sports knickers.

Bring on the next Labour leadership election, which will make Liz and Rishi seem like Ant and Dec.

Nominated by: W. C., Boggs

Slough Council. This bunch of crooked cunts are now telling locals that they may increase Council tax by between 12 and 20% , to compensate for the Council’s catastrophic overspending and mismanagement.

The Council will apparently need Government assistance ( meaning the taxpayer of course) for about the next 8 years to stay afloat and has to sell it’s stock of about 6,700 council houses, development sites and other assets, which still won’t cover all the debt. Presumably this means any unfortunate Slough council tenant may soon have a private landlord who may want to increase the rent or get them out.

I sincerely hope every cunt in Slough marches on their headquarters with flaming torches. Best not hang about as it will probably be a Wetherspoons soon.

Guardian News Link

Nominated by: Mary Hinge

(And what happened to the incompetent councillors and senior executives, or did they just walk away unscathed? – Day Admin)