The sheer dichotomy between what is represented in sickly tv ads and the reality is astonishing.

I have an issue with Halifax. You know the bank with the tv ads showing their staff at home but still ever ready to help. Bullshit. Try to call them and you get the “high volumes due to covid excuse” which frankly is wearing very thin by now.

If you hold to speak to an agent the line goes blank after a few minutes. And that’s that. You can’t contact them by email. So you have to write a letter and post it to them!!! In 2020!!!

Which I did and about a week later I got THREE replies.  None of which addressed my issue. They were stock answers.

So I have had to write and send another letter.

Ok it is not only the Halifax but their ads have always been super-annoying.

And if phone enquiries can be piped through to their homes and they are looking at a screen with the same information as in the office then why don’t they fecking answer?

I have come to the conclusion that covid has given millions of lazy bastards a permanent excuse not to do the job they are paid for and big companies the service they are contracted for.

I never thought it would be possible to get a WORSE service than outsourced foreign call centres but we are experiencing precisely this now.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss 

Who have just made it back to Norfolk (formerly a low-risk Tier 2 county) from London, as London is bumped up to Tier 4 / total lockdown. You’d think they knew in advance, wouldn’t you?

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1374732/royal-family-news-kate-middleton-prince-William-prince-George-charlotte-Christmas-queen

No doubt they had a police escort detail…

But hold! Entertainment for all here; the EDP, Archant’s East Anglian rag, reports a worrying rise in Norfolk Covid cases: West Norfolk – where Sandringham and Bill’s bolthole, Anmer Hall are located – hitting record levels this week, and now above the national rolling average

Will Billy be volunteering for the Air Ambulance again?
Or will the darlings of the nation find themselves back in The Smoke for Christmas?
Don’t ask me, timewasters. Ask the Daily Express.

Nominated by: Komodo 

Sir Lancelot and Those who Disdain Courtly Love

Think how different things would have been if Sir Lancelot had kept his dirty hands off Guinevere and adhered to the concepts of courtly love. But he didn´t. He ignored them and by allowing himself to be ensnared by Guinevere, he brought chaos that led to the death of King Arthur and the end of the order of Knights of Round Table. (He was also the cause of the death of the flaky Lady of Shalott although to be fair to him, it was not his fault.)

There is a debate over whether courtly love was a concept in which a knight idealized and idolized a lady from a distance or whether it had a physical dimension. Did he spend his time worshipping her and imagining the unattainable erotic delights he was missing or did he bed her? Was he a pure hearted idealist or a lecher who was ready to turn another man into a cuckold? The object of the knight´s passion was usually the wife of his lord or sovereign so by entering into a sexual relationship with her, he was not only breaking the sacred bonds of matrimony but betraying his oath of allegiance and committing treason.

Remember this ISACers the next time you are tempted to fondle or grope another man´s dearest.

Nominated by: Mr Polly

(For thick cunts – myself included, who thought the nom was about Courtney Love (Kurt Cobain’s widow) – here’s an explanation of Courtly Love – DA)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtly_love

Ahoy there cunty cunting for the cheapskate cunts taking advantage of cheap ferry trips,cruises,air travel holidays and then whining because they are marooned with a Corona virus outbreak.

The reason travel is cheap is due to normal people avoiding travelling because you will never guess its not fucking safe, so enter cheap fuckers, you know the type, those cheap and nasty group on cunts who have MOT,S for £19.00 and are then surprised when it fails, or a steak for £3.99 and wonder why its more like the sole off a welly, or my favorite cheap Anadins for those daft cunts who want a headache to last for longer….

No sympathy what so ever for these stupid cheapskate cunts……

Nominated by: Fuglyucker 

A short cunting for Long Covid.

(Same shit, different year – NA)

Just like Gulf War Syndrome, Yuppie Flu, Whiplash and Lower Back Pain before it, the newly-emerging Longimus Covidicus is certain to become a malingerer’s charter for years.

It’s perfect: no clinical definition, no clear symptoms, no physical symptoms to prove or disprove. Get yourself a walking stick, mope about (when anyone is watching) as if you have shit yourself, stay off work for a few days and practise talking in a whining ‘survivor of domestic abuse’ victim voice.

Won’t really matter whether you have actually had full-fat Covid in the first place (as no-one will be able to prove otherwise) but it is a nailed-on cert that legions of skinny scrounging addicts, jobless losers and thousands of fat cunts on benefits will be the worst affected. (Oh, and of course these new vermin, the Social Media Influencers, where it will quickly become as trendy as ‘Mental Health Issues’ and ‘Anxiety Levels’).

First wave of shambling, broken, desperate ‘survivors’ have already started shuffling across the news bulletins. Malingering Cunts the lot of them.

Send Alec Guinness and a Company of cruel Jap Guards to beat the fuckers into shape; and get them to build a big bamboo bridge while they are at it.

Nominated by: Gunner Sugden

(Yes, this is actually a Thing! – DA

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-54296223

https://www.england.nhs.uk/2020/10/nhs-to-offer-long-covid-help/ )