Halifax Humbug (3)

The sheer dichotomy between what is represented in sickly tv ads and the reality is astonishing.

I have an issue with Halifax. You know the bank with the tv ads showing their staff at home but still ever ready to help. Bullshit. Try to call them and you get the “high volumes due to covid excuse” which frankly is wearing very thin by now.

If you hold to speak to an agent the line goes blank after a few minutes. And that’s that. You can’t contact them by email. So you have to write a letter and post it to them!!! In 2020!!!

Which I did and about a week later I got THREE replies.  None of which addressed my issue. They were stock answers.

So I have had to write and send another letter.

Ok it is not only the Halifax but their ads have always been super-annoying.

And if phone enquiries can be piped through to their homes and they are looking at a screen with the same information as in the office then why don’t they fecking answer?

I have come to the conclusion that covid has given millions of lazy bastards a permanent excuse not to do the job they are paid for and big companies the service they are contracted for.

I never thought it would be possible to get a WORSE service than outsourced foreign call centres but we are experiencing precisely this now.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss 

23 thoughts on “Halifax Humbug (3)

  1. This is bang on the button.
    Over the last month I’ve called various organisations, and after dragging through the invariable ‘you now have the following options’ bullshit and the ‘you will now be put through to the next available adviser’, comes the inevitable ‘we are currently experiencing high volumes of calls…’.
    Doesn’t matter, day or time.
    Well get more fucking advisers, you clueless cunts!

  2. Covid 19 and no doubt it’s variants will be used for many months to come as the stock excuse for getting sweet FA done.

    You can already see it with teachers / banks / etc

    A worthy and accurate cunting indeed

  3. After listening tot he 15 options you realise there isn’t one to deal with your particular enquiry, the thing is you know your enquiry benefits you more than it does them.

    It’s the same deal as if you call a company’s support dept you’ll be lucky to get an answer, call the sales dept and they are fighting to pick up your call.

    • Absolutely spot on, if you chose one of the options it just gives a recorded reply, keep going through the option 5 ‘none of these’ until you finally get to ‘we are putting you through to an advisor’
      After speaking to the advisor and hopefully getting the issue resolved you get either ‘would you be able to stay on the line to take a survey’ or ‘can I put you through to a colleague who can advise you on our latest offers’


      • Most telephone “help-lines” will put you through to someone if you keep quiet and don’t press any buttons. Sometimes takes three recorded messages to pick an option, but it usually works.

    • I usually dial the number, then leave the phone on my desk for 5 minutes and check back to see if the line is still connected and waiting for an answer. Repeat a few times before giving up.

      TBH incoming calls annoy me more. Especially “autodiallers” which wait for an answer before actually connecting to anybody at the calling end. I usually wait for the sales pitch to start then just hang up.

    • Ho! ho!
      “…call the sales dept and they are fighting to pick up your call”.
      That’s what I do Sixdog, when I want prompt action, particularly with Virgin Media, usually get put through to the right department quickly. 😁

  4. I recall years back (I think it was British Gas) going through the ‘Press 1 for this 2 for that’ shite. It went around the houses for ages ‘please state your postcode…I’m sorry I did not recognise that’. Finally, after about 30 minutes of this crap, I pressed the next option and it said, “I’m sorry, this department’s opening hours are from 8 until 4.30 Monday to Friday, please call back during these hours.”

    If somebody from British Gas had been within arm’s reach at that point, I would’ve done 25 years in Broadmoor after what I would’ve done to ’em.

  5. All the phone options inevitably end up fruitless and pointless….

    All except 1………


    Press that option and within a nanosecond there’s some cunt ready to take your order!

    Funny that!

  6. Unfortunately Halifax customers changed it from a mutual society into a bank for £250 . Its just as shit as any other bank and doesnt give a shit about its customers.

  7. Our IT department works from home and does it show. The cunt never answers his phone because he’s to busy watching day time or wanking. Which is my next point. I couldn’t possibly work from home , Theirs to many distractions like Xhamster or horse racing.

    • I’m a self-employed IT bod, and even though WfH has its advantages, I could never contemplate doing it week in week out. It would drive me insane!

      Fortunately, I do get out to customer sites (adhering to all covid requirements). Just being outside for a few hours, and chatting face2face (at a distance) with customers is a Godsend, and certainly lifts the spirits.

      But you’re right, there’s lots of people who are new to WfH since the beginning of the Pandemic, and are probably secretly hoping these lockdowns will go on forever so that they don’t have to go back to work and do just that… work!

  8. I make very few telephone enquiries. I’d sooner find some form on the internet to at least make the cunts phone me.

  9. Lots of rural estate agents were inferring mobile numbers to reach staff at home-I left 3 messages on one and they didn’t even reply👎
    I was not suprised to see it taken off their books, then relisted with a new agent.

  10. I had to call Sky recently as I had a new router due to a broadband upgrade and was having trouble getting it linked to another booster that is needed to get the signal through the castle walls.
    Great bloke, answered quickly, talked me through all the steps, sorted in no time. Everyone else takes all day to answer and the cuts you off like a cunt.

  11. You are through to the Kier Starmer help line, press one for a full lockdown. Press two for a full lockdown with added panic. Press three for a full lockdown with bigger fines. Press four for a full lockdown with martial law. Press five to donate to the Labour Party, donate and protect your rights and your future.

    Press six to hear these options again.

  12. Phoning any company is as painful as listening to The 22 Greatest Speeches of Kweer Stormer.
    Oh and the Halifax are Ultra Cunts.

    Due to the above issues I never telephone anyone ever.

  13. Fuck me I can comment on that on a few levels.
    Firstly the area manager is a bit of a cunt, we have a lovely Microsoft teams system in place, so there is no requirement for him to come round and piss me off, but he did.
    he has been on two lockdowns due to covid in the family, stay at home cunt!
    and I forgot the rest.

  14. I bet Howard is sitting on his Cunting arse stuffing his face with fried chuggin

  15. Some companies are literally taking the piss out of the furlough scheme. The chiropractors which I go to, both receptionists have been on furlough for nearly 10 months now. Both are not vulnerable or need to shield yet the fucking chiropractor had to do his own job and their fucking jobs at the same time. I take my hat off to the shop workers who’ve worked all the way through without moaning.

  16. I was on hold to Halifax for yonks a couple of weeks ago and my piss boiled over when an advert came on the radio stating that in these difficult times Halifax staff were proactively calling customers to ensure they were ok…… How about answering the customers calling you first rather than making speculative and unsolicited calls to random people. Cunts. Ended up writing to them instead and complaining about that radio add but got no reply. Cunts

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