Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Sky News [14] and Shamima Begum [8]

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Sky News and Begum again.

Just seen an interview (pfft!) with some cunt from sky news “grilling” Begum on why she should come back to Blighty to commit further crimes.
My left testicle could have given a better set of questions to her. Why the fuck is Sly News still giving this piece of camel turd oxygen?

She has been schooled by the leftie commie human rights lawyers to say all the right things and as long as she isn’t given difficult questions to answer – enter stage right Sky reporter – she gets an easy ride. Just like she gave her husbands I guess.

To get into EyeSis you have to prove your committed to the cause. So dog knows what she did to prove it and it wasn’t a prose or piece of needlework depicting a beheading was it.
May she rot in Syria and be fucked royally by the nearest goat herder in every orifice

Nominated by: Onceacuntalwaysacunt

A Challenging Wank

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Recently on this esteemed site, a certain Mr Cunt Engine admitted to (and I quote) ‘knocking one out to a picture of Diane Abbott (wearing mis-matched shoes)’. One can only conclude that the gentleman concerned either has a shoe fetish, or was considerably under the influence at the time. (Or both – NA)

Now for a while, I’ve been toying with the idea of putting up a nomination entitled ‘a challenging wank’, but wasn’t sure if it would meet the criteria for a cunting. Anyway, Admin. have given their blessing, and inspired by Mr Engine’s onanistic excesses, I’ll proceed.

Okay; so what to my way of thinking actually constitutes a ‘challenging wank?’. Well, I think we could reach a fair degree of consensus as to what constitutes ‘an unchallenging wank’; a five knuckle shuffle to lascivious thoughts of a Salma Hayek soapy tit job for example;

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/13600616/salma-hayek-54-purple-bikini-celebrates-2020/

Ergo, a ‘challenging wank’ is the opposite; an attempt at self-fulfilment while lost in perverse thoughts of someone considerably plain or unattractive. The challenge is completed if the proverbial ‘happy ending’ is achieved.

As I’m actually putting this nom. up, I’d better kick it off. In moments of perversity, usually alcohol-induced, I’ve done the biz to Joan Rivers, Celene Dion, Barbra Streisand, Kathy Griffin and (heaven help me) Emma Thompson. Each one a bit of a challenge in her way.

However I couldn’t get a rise with the assistance of a lorry-load of Viagra from the likes of Yoko ‘the Wail’ Ono, Angela ‘The Fuhrer’ Merkel, silicon skank Madonna, Emily Thornberry or the queen herself, Flabbott the Hutt. Now these really do constitute ‘a challenging wank’!.

Need I say more? Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of IsAC!

Nominated by: Ron Knee

The BBC [56] & It’s Woke Impartiality

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”BBC News presenter Huw Edwards is ‘being spoken to’ by bosses after he wrote that he felt ‘uneasy’ about a museum removing a portrait of an Army general due to his links to slavery.”

What Edwards actually twatted was:-

‘As a journalist I feel uneasy about this element of “censoring” history.
‘Should not Picton remain on display as a reminder to Wales of an aspect of its past – no matter how disgraceful?’

Yes, fucking outrageous. How dare he express a mainstream opinion which jars with the overpaid Tarquins and Jemimas in Saville House. Which is not in Wales but fucking London.
Not like the completely unbiased opinions of Lineker and co. Which dont seem to require ‘being spoken to’.

NB Picton was killed at Waterloo fighting for his country. He was a product of his time.

Fuck the BBC. Then defund the fuckers.

Link to story.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Posted in BBC

Christmas Family Newsletters

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Won’t be long now until I receive my annual update on the life of my appalling cousin. She is a retired Doctor of Mentals (Was that an official title? – NA) and even when I was younger couldn’t stand her nosiness ( always wondered if the bitch was angling to have me committed) and pompous,strident manner.

Thankfully she no longer attempts to ring me after I told her to Fuck Off in no uncertain terms when she attempted to mediate between myself and a relative who accused me of some rather devious actions regarding the will of a dead relative ( he was actually quite right but couldn’t prove a fucking thing….he’s dead now too…thank fuck.) (That needs to be expanded upon – NA)

Anyhow…back to my nom…..she still sends every Christmas a record of the “highlights” of her year…being a Doctor she is reasonably well off and,if I can decipher the poorly photocopied pages, seems to know how to spend it…holidays,cars and most bizarrely of all a fucking motorhome. The humbleboast words are accompanied by smudged photos of the old Trout leering out at various locations….one only a few miles away from me but at least she had more sense than call in.

I’m guessing that she sends the same impersonal letter to everyone at Christmas…why bother?…I certainly don’t care what she’s done but if I was actually someone who had any time for the sanctimonious bitch,I’d certainly expect something a bit more personal than a photocopied boastfest.

Still,to look on the bright side,she can’t live much longer….hope the evil old trout doesn’t leave me the fucking motor-home in her will as some kind of twisted joke…it’s just the kind of thing a true Fiddler would do.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

Soap Operas

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I bloody well loathe telly soap operas, nearly all of which are well past their sell-by date and fit only for boiling down to make glue.

The sure sign that the well of inspiration for believable storylines has truly run dry on these cod dramas is when the production team has to fall back on ludicrous crime plots; serial killers, attempted murders, rape and kidnapping and what-have-you. Who among the more cynically inclined could fail to treasure the moment when ‘the Corrie Killer’ made his debut? Just one of many shark-jumping moments in the life of that wheezing old dinosaur.

My thesis was borne out a couple of evenings back when the wife looked up from her laptop and said “listen to this. Apparently Weatherfield is the most violent town in the world, worse than places in Mexico and Brazil, even”.

“Huh?” says I vaguely, sipping my wine and wondering if I’d heard correctly.

“No listen” she goes on. “It says here that ‘Corrie’ has clocked up 467 serious crimes, including 36 murders. ‘EastEnders’ has 437 serious crimes, including 42
murders. ‘Emmerdale’ and ‘Hollyoaks’ have…”

“Yes thank you my sweet”, says I, “for those fascinating yet ludicrous statistics”.

“You sarky old git” says she. “I was only trying to make a bit of conversation. Tell you what, lets talk about something IN-TER-EST-ING, like Villa’s new manager”.

“Touché” says I with a grin, as she gets up from her chair. “Where are you off to?”.

“I’m going through to the front room” says she with frosty sweetness. “It’s nearly time for ‘EastEnders’, and you know how much I like a bit of true to life drama”.

Yes indeed. It must be about time for a space psychotic astronaut to crash the space station on Albert Square, or for ISIS suicide bombers to hold fifty people hostage in ‘the Queen Vic’ before blowing the place to smithereens. Soaps are nothing if not realistic.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tv/16315118/coronation-street-worst-crime-rate-hollyoaks/

Nominated by: Ron Knee